MIL wants DC to refer to her as deceased FIL's first name rather than her own

[LaBelleSauvage]

My MIL has announced that she wants to be known as "Granny Charles" (Charles being my deceased FILs first name) rather than "Granny" or "Granny Susan" (her first name) or "Granny Davenport" (their last name).

I never knew my FIL as he died some time before I met my husband. We have already agreed to name any first born son "Charles" to honour DH's father. I don't want my DD referring to her granny as granny 'deceased grandfather's name' as I find it sexist (she has her own name), morbid (he's her dead husband) and inappropriate (if we end up with a son also named Charles). DH on the fence.

I understand that she wants to keep him in memory but to me it feels uncomfortable.

For background, my MIL has form for being an interfering control freak and politically sits somewhere to the right of Mussolini with reference to women, immigration, race, the poor, etc, so I understand this may be colouring my view of whether this request in itself is unreasonable. So as not to drip feed, we have a strained relationship as I'm a working female doctor rather than a 'proper stay at home mother', I vote more liberally, and occasionally have felt obligated to call her out if she mentions 'the blacks' or indeed 'the jews'.

I would like her to pick a grandparent name (Gran/Grandma/Granny/Nan/whatever else) and either leave it at that or add in her own first or last name if she wishes.

So Mumsnet! Tell me: AIBU?

Not the hill to die on in my opinion, if she wants to be called that I can't see the harm. I can see the harm in her expressing her rascist views in front of your daughter however.

"We have already agreed to name any first born son "Charles" to honour DH's father."

What?

Who suggested it?

Would you really want to or rather use it as a middle name?

Has she asked for the "Granny Charles" because you didn't have a boy do you think?

My dc call my Dh grandmother and grandfather (so their great grandparents)
Nanny and grampy grandads name.
No one told them to do it my eldest started it when he was about 2ish and couldn't say her first name as its a hard name to say as is they're surname.
It's also because his first name was her maiden name which is odd! So she actually loves being called nanny xxx as that is what her mother was also called because it was her mothers surname!
Very confusing
I think that in this circumstance it's an exception but in you're circumstanc it's abit odd!

Tell her that it’s a shame her doing that will rule out calling a future son Charles. She might well backtrack then. If she does and you don’t call him Charles, it won’t matter as her name will already be set.

Very weird so I would ignore the request and encourage child to call her granny, nanny whatever...I also wouldn't use Charles as a first name to honour FIL unless you genuinely like it and would use as a first name anyway. Why not use it as a second name?

both my sets of grandparents wanted to be called Grandma and Grandad. To their faces they were just that, when referred to if they weren't around they were grandma/grandad and then the surname to avoid confusion. I think her proposal sounds most odd.

If mother in law is officially called, "Granny Charles", the chances are her grandchildren will call her Granny or even give her a nickname of their choice. How about 'Granny C' as an abbreviation?

Charles is a nice name for a boy, Charlie or Chas sound friendly. It's a timeless name. Charlotte for a girl maybe?

I would not like contentious right wing opinions - especially of the racist kind - to be expressed in front of my young children. They will inevitably hear such things at school as they grow up but to hear them at home from relatives is just not right. In your place I would politely ask her to keep such views to herself when she is with her grandchildren and your husband should back you about that.

''No we cannot entertain that for a moment. No''

Granny fuckface

I was reading though thinking Granny PitA = but Granny fuckface will do.

Just seen Granny Fuckface

YNBU.

Tell her that you prefer one words and offer her Granny or Grandma. If she makes a fuss say that's how things are these days and change the subject.

Mind you, if it was me, be referring to her at home as 'The GC' like Gemma Collins.

Given her right wing credentials, I'd definitely go with Granny Fuckface.

I just don’t see the big deal.
But I believe in calling everyone whatever they want to be called no matter my personal opinion of it.

As an aside, I think it’s a bit sexist not to call a woman whatever they wish to be called.

I think youve got more problems with her than what she wants to be called

No, Granny Susan or Granny Davenport or whatever. Unless you yourselves refer to her as Charles instead of Susan, it makes no sense.

I’d stick with Granny Davenport and ignore her. I’d also use Charles as a middle name rather than a first name if you have a son. Although I think it’s nice to remember people in names, I think a child should have their own name and have any ‘memorial name’ as an add-on.

O D D

Granny McGrannyface, surely?

YANBU.

So weird.

I'd be more bothered about calling your son after him if it isn't a name you want. My MIL did this, not only did I not know him my husband didn't know him as he died when he was a few days old. Don't know why she didn't give DH his father's name if she wanted it used. I just said we all have his name, surname, we all want our own first names. She let it drop.

I don't think it's a big deal and it's quite a sweet way of letting your DC know, when they are old enough to understand, that Charles was their granddad. It obviously means a lot to her, so I'd go along with it.

It'll get shortened to Granny regardless though.

It wouldn't bother me at all I think it's quite quirky and cute.

My grandmothers were nanny up the steps and nanny in the woods but just nan when we were with them.

Whatever you end up calling her, I would keep the DCs contact with her to a minimum. She sounds grim.

that is quite sad.

and did you really agree to calling any ds you have Charles?
did she also want a dd to be Charlotte?

I don't think it is at all weird to name a child after a grandparent or relative who has already died. Plenty of people do that if they like the name. It might often be used as a middle name, though not always.

My DH was named after an uncle who had died (young) several years before he was born.

I do think though that your MIL's wish to be known as Granny Charles is very odd though, and I wouldn't want to encourage it. We have always distinguished the grandparents to my children by using their surnames, so in your case it would just be Granny Davenport. In reality though, my DDs address them simply as grandma or grandad, with nothing else attached.

in a small part of yor mind, she will remain Granny Fuckface for ever more.