Please tell me if AIBU re money

[rumandbiscuits]

I am getting married soon and the wedding has turned out to be bigger than previously expected.
My Dad has given us £6,000
My Mum £1000
My FIL £3000
Myself £5000
And my OH £5000

We still however are starting to run short now that all the final bills have been paid and we are approaching the big day. My OH has recently bought his wedding ring out of his own account (£825) and come to me today and said he wants me to reimburse him out of the wedding account for it but trouble is we don't have enough in there to pay it so will both have to put more money in plus more for other last minute bits. I daren't say it to him because I don't know if I'm being a CF but my family have put in more money than his and therefore want to say can't you just pay for your own ring?

For context he has about £10,000 in savings and is able to put money away every month and I have £18,000 (an inheritance I got from my grandad that has dramatically dropped because I am unable to save due to not earning enough to be able to).

He works full time and earns £3000 a month
I work part time (to look after our daughter the other two days so we don't have to pay for child care) and earn £1000 per month.

An 'argument' if you refuse to reimburse him  and you are not comfortable/seem afraid to discuss money with him- OP listen to the posters here querying this, this is NOT normal and needs addressing not fobbing off. I wouldn't be marrying someone who started a row with me or who I was unable to speak to without fear of one, let alone a man who won't share finances if we had a child and were married

Completely agree

Well it's a wedding item so should come out of the wedding budget. Definitely not relevant that your parents have more. Have you bought your ring already?

My dd is getting married soon and it's food and drink that costs. Literally at least £7000. will be food and drink.

Has your wedding ring come out of the wedding pot and how much did you spend? Can't he take the ring back and get one for a fraction of the cost?

You have 18k so just use 825£ what the fuck why wouldn’t you just do that?

For those of you shocked at the £20k wedding - £20k is a pretty average wedding cost in the UK, don't know why everyone is shocked by it

I mean.... so what? the average house in the UK costs £230,000 does that mean people who cant afford that should be feeling bad or go into massive debt to "keep up with the average person". Thats utter nonsense. It doesnt matter how much the average person spends- you spend what YOU can afford and what you can budget for. If you have lots of money, have at it- go way over the average cost. If you you are on a budget and a part time wage with a kid (and potentially more to come) then you dont spend as much as the "average". Its pretty simple- you cut your cloth according to what you have.

The OP is saying she cannot afford this wedding, what the "average person" spends here is utterly irrelevant.

I'm gobsmacked that the average British wedding costs 32k

It doesn't, it is just what the magazines pedalling all the wedding crap want you to think.

@crispysausagerolls presumably because that's her savings which she is using to live off currently and he appears to have an acquisitive attitude to money given that she's using her savings to pay for things for their dc while he has 1.5k per month to spend single handed.

The point is it’s irrelevant how much people think OP should spend or if they can’t fathom someone spending so much. That’s not what she’s bloody asking and people sound jealous. It’s irrelevant if you don’t understand why she is spending so much - she’s asking about paying for a ring.

They also have 28k in savings so they aren’t putting themselves into debt.

You’ve spent £20k on a party to celebrate changing your surname where does it say that?

Thanks to all of the people who have been constructive in your feedback and helpful. I knew I would get a lot of negatively and nastiness on this thread this is AIBU after all so comes with the territory.

I have just spoken to him about changing the way we handle our finances and doing what a lot of posters have recommended. Putting all out money into one pot, both having an allowance of the same amount and a set amount every month for joint savings. He thinks it's a good idea and we are going to look into the best savings accounts for interest etc.

I will get this thread removed now as can't be arsed with the posters who having nothing better to do with their time than spread negativity and have a pop at someone they don't know online for how they choose to spend THEIR money. Or better still telling me my relationship is doomed because god forbid we haven't been managing our money the same way you might have been. We have been together 7 years, lived together for 4 and I'm sure will have an amazing day!

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug

Yes but that’s a separate issue. She should pay for his ring. She should then sort out their finances for day to day correctly. Not buying his ring and continuing to split finances like this makes no sense

people sound jealous of what? I genuinely don’t understand this?

Honestly it is really difficult to get a wedding that costs less than £20k.

It really isn't.
Photo booth for starters?

I would be gutted if my grandchild spent the money I had left them on a wedding- why didn't you pay it all off the mortgage? Sounds like you are just frittering your way through an inheritance to fund a wedding and a nice mummy lifestyle.

You were given a shitload of cash by others, and are now splitting hairs over the payment of a ring?
You are both unreasonable.

There’s so much wrong with this that I don’t even know where to start.

@MiniGuinness

Jealous of people having a nicer or more expensive wedding!

Sounds like the who,e thing is out of control. Tell him if he wants to spend so much something else has to give.

I think where the over spending has come from is probably my dress, dress alterations for myself and bridesmaid (which I didn't think would be as much as it was)

I confess I'm surprised; last time I looked wedding dresses still had price tags, and even dressmakers gave quotes beforehand
Similarly most folk I know have brought it all in under £10k, and that's for really nice weddings which have gone nowhere near a registry office

It's your choice to make of course, but wouldn't some of the money perhaps be better spent on budgeting tuition?

OP you posted on a public forum so you can’t be surprised and you shouldn’t be annoyed that the public have given you opinions. It’s a shame you don’t like the opinions shared but that’s the risk you take when you post.

A twenty grand wedding find and your "running short"

Couples sort there finances in all sorts of ways but the fairer ways tend to be add all incoming together minus all outgoings have equal amount to spend and save.

Honestly it's really difficult to get a wedding that costs less than £20k

Honestly, it really, really isn't.

And your attitude that your husband to be should stump up for his own ring because your family has contributed more stinks.

I wanted advice and opinions and I'm genuinely grateful for it.

Some posters are just vile though. The majority of posters on here have been great! I have all the advice I feel I need now and feel we have come to a solution thanks to the advice off here.

What account did your engagement & wedding rings get paid from?

Whilst I think that 825GBP is a lot, why didn't he know that there wasn't enough?