Please tell me if AIBU re money

[rumandbiscuits]

I am getting married soon and the wedding has turned out to be bigger than previously expected.
My Dad has given us £6,000
My Mum £1000
My FIL £3000
Myself £5000
And my OH £5000

We still however are starting to run short now that all the final bills have been paid and we are approaching the big day. My OH has recently bought his wedding ring out of his own account (£825) and come to me today and said he wants me to reimburse him out of the wedding account for it but trouble is we don't have enough in there to pay it so will both have to put more money in plus more for other last minute bits. I daren't say it to him because I don't know if I'm being a CF but my family have put in more money than his and therefore want to say can't you just pay for your own ring?

For context he has about £10,000 in savings and is able to put money away every month and I have £18,000 (an inheritance I got from my grandad that has dramatically dropped because I am unable to save due to not earning enough to be able to).

He works full time and earns £3000 a month
I work part time (to look after our daughter the other two days so we don't have to pay for child care) and earn £1000 per month.

How much was your dress and wedding ring ? His parents may have contributed less but it’s traditional for the parents of the bride to pay. I bet if you totted up the costs of your dress , underwear , hair , makeup , plus bridesmaids expenses it would massively outweigh this and his groomsmen costs

I love my weddings rings... married 20 years and they still make me smile as does my DH 🌺

I've always thought it's ridiculous for men to wear wedding rings. But if they must, then it surely it's a gift from the bride - it's meaningless if he goes off alone and buys it himself. But £825 that is truly ridiculous and would make me reassess whether I wanted to marry the plonker in the first place. And why are your parents forking out thousands for the wedding of two people who have already set up home with a child? All of your priorities seem skewed!

Why is it ridiculous for men to wear wedding rings?! What an odd thing to say.

You have clearly gone mad on the wedding which was not sensible.
What can you cut back on?

"Honestly it's really difficult to get a wedding that costs less than £20k"

Oh my-thank you for the laugh.

I often see posters say that something really made them laugh & I just don't get it.

But that's a really good one!

I will get this thread removed now as can't be arsed with the posters who having nothing better to do with their time than spread negativity and have a pop at someone they don't know online for how they choose to spend THEIR money.

That not how it works

Oh and I spent £4K on my wedding and that included a honeymoon to Cyprus!

The ring should be paid for by the wedding fund.

No it shouldn’t. The bride and groom should buy each other’s wedding ring.

I got married in the uk and my wedding cost a total of 12k... and it was amazing (if I must say so myself) I paid the hotel for exclusivity for the day and my family and friends them booked out the hotel for the week so we had a Lake District country house hotel to ourselves for the week!! It was bliss!!
I did my own make up, flowers, invites and favours!!
Cake was made as a gift by family member
Photography was done as a gift by amateur family member (and they were fab!)
Bridesmaids dresses were from the coast sale
Ushers all had grey suits already so we went with those!! Hubby just bought a grey suit to match...

And my dress was 2k of that!!

20k considering you have “made savings” is insane OP and I think you know it!!

lljkk with the possible exception of the manor house hire, you could take at least 50% off every one one of those costs and still have a perfectly lovely wedding

Nobody's suggesting wearing jeans down the registry office and a quick burger in the local Wetherspoons either, but there really is a middle way without going mad in either direction

I’m of the opinion people should pay for their own damn wedding! What a waste of other people’s money!

If you can’t have a frank discussion about money you have no business being married anyway!

We aren’t getting ourselves into debt to pay for it. But you’re happily taking money from three different people, despite your oh having ten grand in savings himself. That’s quite shabby behaviour, tbh.

Not sure how true this is but I was told recently that being gifted money over £3k for a wedding (or for anything I suppose) could have tax implications. Again, not sure how true it is.

I will get this thread removed now as can't be arsed with the posters who having nothing better to do with their time than spread negativity and have a pop at someone they don't know online for how they choose to spend THEIR money

The reason people were querying it was because YOU said you had run out of money! Thats why people were wondering why you spent so much, not because they were "jealous" or "wanted to have a pop" lol
Can you really not see this?

We got married abroad for about half this.
We booked what we could afford in a place we knew our select group would be happy to travel to and make it a holiday and we fully understood any who couldn't come.
I bought his ring he bought mine, gifts for each other.
If you don't mind saying, how much is your dress? The dress you'll wear for a few hours. More or less than his ring? The ring he'll wear for the rest of his life.

We share all our money so I don’t know how I could buy my OHs

I don't understand the manor house element. If you live in a manor house or your parents do then its authentic, if you hire it for the experience it's a bit like pretending you are what you aren't and rather silly. Whatever happened to holding a reception at a modest hotel, the town hall or a nice church or village hall.

I think where the over spending has come from is probably my dress,

Utterly bloody absurd for something that you’ll wear for a few hours, even more so as you already have a child and presumably live together. What a ridiculous waste of money.

I’m the same as most pp. I can’t understand how your finances are so separate.

What’s the point in getting married if what’s yours is yours and what’s his is his? Also you have a child so surely it’s family money?

That aside, his wages are descent so I assume you’re far from living on the breadline.

For what it’s worth I think he’s acting out of order, not you, but it would worry me that it’s all so separate.

OP, I am getting married in June and I've just had a baby. He will be 8 months old at the wedding.

MN loves competetively cheap weddings. They also think that the minute you've had a child you aren't entitled to anything more than a registry office, homemade cake and bunch of flowers from Tesco.

My wedding isn't £20k. To be honest, I haven't really added it all up but I reckon £15k is a probably good guess. That's with no cars, a fairly cheap dress and my best friend is doing my hair.

Enjoy your wedding and ignore this lot. You have plenty of money left over.

Well done for sorting out finances. We've pooled everything for a while. You'll find it makes life a lot easier!

Activities with your child should be form your joint account. Lunch out if with child should be from joint account. Your petrol should be from joint account.

In my opinion from your personal account is gifts for your partner and savings. We pay gifts for family from joint account, unless I wanted to blow the budget on something he didn't agree with. Again same for clothes.

Entitled to, Purple? I’m sure most people think your entitlement begins and ends with what you can afford to finance yourself.

Whining about running out of money when she’s leeched off her family in order to keep her own savings intact is pretty low rent.

£20k on a wedding is ridiculous, my DD is getting married next year; gorgeous dress, venue etc under £10k. No need for that level of spend esp when you’re taking ££ off family; that’s an utter cheek.