AIBU Not to fancy old men?

[WhiteBadger]

I'm 54 and been Online Dating (OLD) for a couple of years. But I just don't fancy the old men on there.

Most men of 54+ seem to have beer bellies and look like granddads, which they probably are. :)

The men in their 40s seem ok, so what the fuck happens to them when they hit 50?

I'm a regular at the gym, like to keep myself fit. And luckily I'm pretty healthy. I won't date anyone my son's age, (35) although get plenty of offers. A lot of young men have a thing for older women. 🙄

4 years I've been single! Will I ever fancy an old man? Yeah I know I'm old too!!

I tend to now date 44+ but my ex was 4 years older than me.

I don't know! Am I unreasonable and destined to be single forever??!!

In answer to your question Op, yes on both counts.

Men do seem to just give up on life altogether in their late 40s/50s. I know so many who have no real interests, never go out, just sit in their chair in from of the telly. It makes them prematurely old, the boringness. Whereas the woman that age have brought up their kids and are enjoying a new lease of life; dance classes, politics, going to galleries, travelling, all sorts.
I don't mind a pot belly or a bald head at all, I just get turned off by the lack of interest in life! I can see DP sliding into a rut like this already..hmmm
My mum (70) is as good looking as Helrn Mirren and I'm pretty sure she's had no surgery! She gave up on men a long time ago as even the 50 year old just wanted a boring wifey to look after them,and she was like, been there, done that-no thanks!

I think it’s a bit harsh to bag on men who’ve gone bald. Would they be “looking after their looks” better if they wore a wig?! What are they supposed to do? DH who’s 44 is balding, and was thinning when we met 10 years ago - I’m very glad it didn’t put me off because he’s a wonderful man and husband.

men can do very little to 'look after their looks'

Nonsense.

No reason why men of any age can't be well-groomed and wear flattering clothes, or look after their skin and teeth, comb whatever hair they have, watch their weight etc.

I think the problem is that a lot of men think all that kind of stuff is for the ladies only and think that their sparkling wit and towering intellects will be more than enough to get attractive women swooning over them.

It's quite horrible to say that all men over fifty are fat and ugly, imagine a man posting this about women...

@icedpurple yes, they can (and should!) do all of those things if they're trying to attract somebody, but that's not really going to come across on an OLD profile, which is what the OP is talking about.

My dp is 52 (I'm in my 30s). He does not look his age at all. No grey hair, no wrinkles, no beer belly. He's very active and fit. Hes a faster runner than me.
You've just not met the right man yet.

I know what you mean, OP. Plenty of men on the sites don't age well, not helped by their inability to take a good photo.

Sadly true single women are the cream, single men the dregs... Men without women generally just do not take care of themselves. Am happily(ish) married but if that marriage ended would be FWBs only.

but that's not really going to come across on an OLD profile, which is what the OP is talking about.

I think basic grooming and care in one's appearance would definitely come across on an OLD profile.

Of course there will be some men whose lack of 'basic grooming and care' will come across in photos but I'm pretty sure there won't be vast swathes of them. I didn't get that impression from the OP, anyway - she says they have 'beer bellies and look like grandads'.

So she doesn't fancy overweight men (fair enough) but she said nothing about lack of grooming. Just that they look old.

I just feel that it's all a bit mean spirited. I'm in my late 40s and if I was ever to go back on the dating scene, I'd probably lose a stone before doing so, but the fact that I can wear makeup and dye my hair helps. Men don't have that option. If I was completely au natural (short grey hair and no makeup) I doubt I'd get much interest either. However, with it, I'm more than passable.

You can definitely tell from someone’s looks if they look in a mirror sometimes, go outside, are generally active and lively rather than a snobby couch potato. I’ve never met a flabby, grey-faced guy with an expression like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle who then turned out to be a well-rounded, fun, intelligent person with a knack for witty conversation. They’re always boring old farts with the weight of the world on their shoulders. Anyone who’s done OLD can tell you that this correlation is true! I’m sure it’s the same for women too but I’ve never checked.

It isn’t about weight per se, or baldness, it’s a general air of someone who takes the minimum, or lower than the minimum, care of themselves. And that doesn’t translate into a good prospective partner or even a fun date.

I actually like grey hair, silvery grey hair is very appealing on men. As are crows feet, and smile lines etc. I like a lived in face, prefer that over a youthful face.
It's the laziness, the lack of attention to anything really. Even an interest in golf/cricket/football/rugby is better than sitting around moaning about the world and expecting me to cook and clean for them.
Clean appearance, non stained clothes, no body odour, no beer bellies, active life style. That's not too hard to achieve.

Hell, a man that cycles and takes care of his bike will do.
Why is it too much to ask for?
I'm not attracted to lazy farts that do nothing

A few years ago an older friend of mine started to flirt via txt and we got chatting like that. Not something I thought I would try but I met up for dinner with him and I ended up back at his.
After some chat and wine he was moving closer and hands on so despite being older, he knew what he wanted...
Just saying it might not all be too bad xx

I'm in my late 40s and if I was ever to go back on the dating scene, I'd probably lose a stone before doing so, but the fact that I can wear makeup and dye my hair helps. Men don't have that option.

Maybe not make up but why on earth don't men have the option of losing weight and dyeing their hair? There are plenty of hair dye product catering just for men - in fact I believe one is even called that!

Not to mention that grey hair and, obviously, unmade up faces are considered more acceptable on men than on women. So I don't really get your 'poor men' attitude. They have it so much easier as regards looks then women do, so if they can't even be arsed to do the bare minimum, they're not worth the bother.

Saying that men do not need to develop beer bellies over 50

My DH is 57 and does not have a beer belly. Because he does not drink beer.

Maybe not make up but why on earth don't men have the option of losing weight and dyeing their hair

Of course men have the option to lose weight 🙄. Perhaps I didn't word it perfectly, but I would have thought it was quite obvious I was referring to the makeup/hair dye.

I don't think it's common for men to dye their hair. Bit difficult for them to do that if they're losing their hair, as most of them have started to do by that age.

I'm not being 'poor men' at all. I don't feel sorry for men as a class. People age and generally lose their former good looks. Yes, everybody should maintain a healthy weight and practice going grooming, but nothing is really going to restore them to their former glory.

I don't think we're going to agree on this though, so I'll leave it there.

FuckFuckbollocks (love your user name by the way) those two women are Gillian Tayleforth not two different women, yes she has had work facially which has kept her less lined but also more importantly she has done things that don’t require intervention, she is slim, well groomed has a modern haircut, unlike her telly son who has a big beer belly, unfashionable clothes and looks generally unhealthy and unfit. Even if his telly mum had wrinkles she would still look great because of all the other points I have mentioned, so yes a normal woman who takes care of herself without intervention would look loads better than Ian Beale.

I thought OLD was an online dating app for older people, just realised what it stands for

What I find interesting is that I know a few REALLY old men, in their late 80s/early 90's and they are all quite dapper, good posture, active, well groomed and lovely manners! It's the 40-70 age bracket that seem to have given up.
Maybe the wartime generation just had a bit more about them, I don't know. Sometimes I have the sense that middle aged men have all grown up with a massive sense of entitlement but no sense of personal responsibility whatsoever.
And as for "ooh what if men said this about women"...have you BEEN anywhere else on the internet at all? Do you not realise the way women are talked about just about everywhere? FML.

I think a lot of men in their 50s who have aged well ,seem to still be looking for a younger woman (30s /early 40s).Doesnt seem to occur to them that they are often old enough to be the daddy! Also if fairly comfortable seems to help as well!

Why not try the younger ones yourself?! Many guys in their 30s are trim and well kept !

I'm dating someone ten years older than me - he's 49 and he's bloody gorgeous! Looks the same age as me for sure

Def agree that it's being slim and having good hair!!