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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked not to have sex.

434 replies

Hohohole · 27/02/2020 12:03

We're going to stay with friends for the night on Saturday. I've only met the my friends partner a couple of times, but she asked through her husband that my partner and I not have sex while staying at their house.

Isn't this weird?
Would you ask this of guests?

OP posts:
MzHz · 27/02/2020 15:50

the issue is her making you feel really weird and awkward

Exactly.

and unwelcome

spongejack · 27/02/2020 15:51

@sonjadog based on what do you think it's all OPs friend? Nothing she says points to that for me.

Lynda07 · 27/02/2020 15:54

I wonder if she said it in a joking fashion but her husband took it seriously? Honestly, I cannot imagine anyone actually asking people to abstain from sex if they stayed the night. The chances are the couple wouldn't anyway, especially if it was a small house/flat with bedrooms close together. I certainly wouldn't. Exceptions are, of course, madly in love eighteen/nineteen year olds both still living with parents :-). In that case, their friends would likely be in same age bracket. Not big properly 'grown' up people though.

messolini9 · 27/02/2020 15:55

Could it be that your male friend and the girlfriend are not having sex?

Oh for heavens sake.
I have developed a spot on my nose.
Before socialising with friends, I am asking them to glue on a prosthetic spot to make me feel better.

Bluewater1 · 27/02/2020 15:59

Batshit weird!!!
No I would never say this to a guest!!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/02/2020 16:00

Surely no one has sex when they are guest for one night at a friends house?

MN is so funny sometimes, all this talk of 'respect' and 'courtesy' Grin

FizzyIce · 27/02/2020 16:02

Say whaaaat?!
That’s is so bloody weird .

Tighnabruaich · 27/02/2020 16:02

Ask him what she's jealous about.

messolini9 · 27/02/2020 16:07

Whether it comes from the friend or his g/f isn't the issue.
The main issue for me isn't even the batshit orders to remain celibate while in their hallowed home - it's the friend's reply message to OP, saying 'he'll have a word' with his g/f.'

What is WRONG with him that he feels it's ok to bat back & forth with his g/f on the subject of whether their forthcoming house guests are allowed to have sex or not? Or that either of them feels it's down to them to make a decision about it?

So, so, dysfunctional.
Stay in a hotel OP - & check on your friend's MH when you see him ...

Herringbone31 · 27/02/2020 16:09

I’ve asked this of guests. I think it’s horrific to have sec in someone else’s house. Highly disrespectful

paap1975 · 27/02/2020 16:10

I love the fact that I've married into a French family, where if you are with someone then it is also expected that you are having sex with them. It's such a refreshing attitude!

notthemum · 27/02/2020 16:12

@HoHoHole
Op. If you are indeed a 'lovely guest' and bring gifts and wine you can stay with us for a weekend. (Just please don't shag in the conservatory, it might upset the neighbours).

messolini9 · 27/02/2020 16:13

I’ve asked this of guests. I think it’s horrific to have sec in someone else’s house. Highly disrespectful

It is absolutely none of your business whether guests have sex or not @Herringbones31.

Why are you even considering it, let alone raising the thorny (horny?) topic with people who you are meant to make feel comfortable & welcome?

MimiLaRue · 27/02/2020 16:13

*I'd cancel too. it's the only way the message will get to her that she's being odd about this.

It's not about the 'going without sex for a night' it's the fact that this woman has gone to her H to ask his friend not to have sex with her H*

Totally agree. Of course I could go without sex for one night but thats not the issue here. Its fcking weird, intrusive and bossy to say such a thing and I wouldnt feel comfortable staying with someone overnight who was likely listening with their ear to the wall checking I wasnt having sex shudder. Weirdos.

MimiLaRue · 27/02/2020 16:14

I’ve asked this of guests. I think it’s horrific to have sec in someone else’s house. Highly disrespectful

How is it any more disrespectful than taking a dump in their toilet? you are literally shitting in their house. How is that ok but sex not? or do you view sex as "dirty"?

AryaStarkWolf · 27/02/2020 16:16

I’ve asked this of guests. I think it’s horrific to have sec in someone else’s house. Highly disrespectful

You've actually asked people that? Oh dear

OldQueen1969 · 27/02/2020 16:16

Well. Have read the whole thread and am in the "what they don't know won't hurt them camp" personally, but of course now it's the elephant in the room and surely any hope of a normal chummy stay with them is pretty remote because all four people involved will be trying to avoid the subject and yet it's going to be uppermost in their minds.....

On a personal note, I have a pretty over-active imagination, and before the OP updated I had written two novels in my head - One was about them having a hidden camera in the spare bedroom being controlled by hackers who were blackmailing them and their friends and this was to try and do damage limitation..... the other was about poltergeist activity which is apparently enhanced by a carnal atmosphere (check it out there are real theories about this ) and they just can't face the trauma of coming down in the morning and finding their kitchen knives in the ceiling and the furniture stacked artistically but precariously .......

Disclaimer - trying to distract myself from stressful life events - AIBU is my sanity saver.......

messolini9 · 27/02/2020 16:17

I think some PP's need therapy to get their poor heads around the fact that A) other people have sex sometimes & B) it is none of their concern C) it is not up for discussion D) you have no authority in the decision-making process.

ActualHornist · 27/02/2020 16:18

This feels like a Mumsnet conundrum:

Do you

A) have the horror of other people sexing in your Egyptian cotton sheets (and you might hear them!)

Or

B) have the embarrassment of telling them not to sex in your house?

Which is worse! Grin

B0bbin · 27/02/2020 16:18

Must have started jokey and then turned weird by crossed wires.
Unless they have had you to stay previously and you made very loud sex noises OPGrin

TheNavigator · 27/02/2020 16:19

I’ve asked this of guests. I think it’s horrific to have sec in someone else’s house. Highly disrespectful

@Herringbone31 You have seriously, honestly, really asked guests not to have sex in your house? How did you do this? In person when they arrived, by phone call in advance? By text? Does this include when parents/in-laws visit - ie is it a blanket rule, so to speak?

Pheasantplucker2 · 27/02/2020 16:20

It's bizarre, but I don't think I'd cancel on the strength of it.

Part of me would want to go and take the absolute mick, but it sounds like there might be some issues - either between them or MH issues perhaps.

If he's your friend and you want to spend time with him I'd go and be kind.

FizzyIce · 27/02/2020 16:20

@MimiLaRue I think she means Triple ‘Sec’
I mean , it’s pretty gross isn’t it .. lots of other things you can put in a cocktail

messolini9 · 27/02/2020 16:20

@ActualHornist I imagine some sections of Mumsnet hire a portaloo to help them manage the horror of having an overnight guest use their loo.

Maybe some kind of pre-printed form would help them manage your B) scenario?

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 27/02/2020 16:20

@Hohohole
You're free to bring gifts and wine to mine. And you can have noisy sex too, I don't mind. My kids sleep through anything. ive been known to be noisy on occasion

Ok. Just read that back and it sounds weird. But I'm posting it anyway Grin

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