to take my child out in the cold

[tantrumingcoldchild]

Name changed for this!

I was trying to get my 3 year old daughter to nursery by 8 am for breakfast and so that I can get on with a big work project. She had a massive strop because she wanted to have Coco Pops at home. The general tantruming lasted almost an hour.

I finally forced her into her buggy (not something I normally do), but she ripped off her sweatshirt in the process and she was only in her vest. I attempted to put her coat on over her backwards but she angrily flung it off.

Knowing that she would quickly tire of the cold, I started the 7 minute walk to nursery. There was some very light snowy rain, just a few drops here and there. A woman saw me leaving my building with my daughter flailing around and screaming in her vest, and glared at me. She had a child with her.

When I was halfway down the block, the woman came back and asked me angrily if I had seen the weather and what my child was wearing. I explained that she was having a temper tantrum and I needed to work. I said that I was going to put her coat on her when she calmed down.

The woman insisted that this wasn't good enough and continued to berate me, saying it was horrible not to dress my child. I explained that my daughter had taken her clothes off and showed her the sweatshirt and coat which were ready and waiting.

She shouted at me some more and called me a crazy bitch. I asked her what she would do if she were going to get sacked for being late (this is theoretical, as I am not going to get sacked but I do need to work and I want my daughter to understand that there are boundaries and consequences. I let her make me late way too often). She told me that she would rather lose her job than take her child out in the cold and then yelled at me some more. I lost my temper and shouted back at her and she eventually left.

My daughter was quite upset. She asked if the lady was not nice to me. I explained that the woman was angry with me for not making my daughter wear her clothes in the cold. Then my original plan came to fruition: my daughter agreed to put her top and coat on, I hugged her and said I loved her, and we walked to nursery together.

So, was I unreasonable to take my daughter out in a vest when she was having a horrible temper tantrum?

There’s not a chance I’d have allowed an hour long tantrum about it either. She’d have been given the choice to either put them on it I would put them on. Then if she wouldn’t, I would do it and clip her in. We’re not saying this in ignorance of having not been in that position- we know what it’s like, but you do have to just get on with it.

Wow, I do think you should have at least wrapped her in blankets if you weren’t going to put a coat on her. It must have been bad for a stranger to see how under dressed she was. Did you even have a rain cover? Tbh you want to be careful the nursery didn’t see her like that as something like that would be a concern. Child not appropriately dressed for the weather.

I’d have given her the coco pops.

Working on the principle that I am bigger and stronger, she would have been wearing her clothes.

However - the stupid woman berating you in the street made sure your daughter was out in the cold for longer than she needed to be. And I assume that if she was still tantruming it was fairly obvious why she didn't have a coat on.

There’s not a chance I’d have allowed an hour long tantrum about it either

It wasn't just about that. It was about everything. It started over her wanting sugary cereal for breakfast (didn't allow), then she was difficult about brushing her teeth (made her), then wouldn't put on her clothes (cajoled her into doing it), then she wouldn't put on her shoes (I decided to just put her in her buggy and take her to nursery), then screamed and cried because I turned the hall light on (?), then there were 10 minutes of struggling over being strapped in the buggy.

@PumpkinP Any blankets I wrapped around her definitely would have been thrown onto the ground and gotten soaked with the snowy rain.

I also have quite a bad cold so my will and my strength aren't what they ought to be.

You were fine, the other woman was batshit.

I can’t believe this thread. My child is 3. It’s 0 degrees. Not a chance in all seven hells I would force her outside practically naked, for any reason bar a hospital visit.

I think you did the right thing. The woman could've raised her query in a more sensitive way and should've backed down when you explained the situation and showed her the coat. If she had her own kid with her she should know that sometimes children are contrary.

My DS (2yo) would quite happily run around naked and it is hard enough getting him to keep his clothes on when he is in a good mood, let alone when he is having a meltdown! I usually end up carrying his coat/jumper, but he runs around so much he keeps himself warm! I expect with the energy needed to maintain her tantrum and wrestle against clothes and buggy straps your DD was probably quite warm herself!

I think using force to get a child to wear clothes is more damaging than sitting in a cold temperature for a few minutes, frankly. I'm yet to see how this force works. All I can assume is that a child is being manhandled. Which is going to hurt. But being hurt deliberately by a parent is better than being cold. Just to show who's boss I guess.

Also, everyone reacting in horror to this child who's out in the cold.. the kid's fine, isn't she. She put her clothes on and had a cuddle. No hypothermia, no death, no need for pearl clutching.

Youre the mother. I personally wouldn’t have take my child out like that. I have a 2 year old so we know what they are like. Coat on back to front then as pp said.

All I can assume is that a child is being manhandled. Which is going to hurt.

It’s not going to hurt to grip a 3 year old firmly and shove their arms into a coat and zip it up. Most of the time they’ll live with that.

In this case it sounds like the OP works from home, needed to get her work done and lost her temper, taking her child out in freezing conditions with no clothes on.

I would call SS if I saw this.

I would call SS if I saw this.

She wants to hope the nursery didn’t see the child arrive like this as where I am that would definitely prompt a phone call.

I didn't lose my temper. I made a considered decision that she can't be allowed to make me late every day and that it was time to go.

PumpkinP

Yes. And not because I thought the child didn’t own a coat, but because of the judgement of a parent who thought this was an acceptable way to handle a tantrum.

I’ve just returned from the park with DD. There was snow. After about 15 minutes in a vest, too, jumper, two layered coat, hat and gloves, she had started to shiver. We got back in the car and warmed up.

Take her out in a vest?? Madness.

tantrumingcoldchild

If you say so, OP.

Other woman was batshit and I completely understand about losing all effectiveness when you have a cold.

Have a better structure in place though. If you don’t allow coco pops then why are they in the house? The buggy but shouldn’t take 10 mins either - I agree with the jacket on backwards & zipped, then child into buggy immediately, buggy braced against wall, foot against child in lieu of third hand to stop the inevitable arched back (Or was this just my two?), do up straps then out the door and sod the wailing. By letting it all take an hour your dd got entrenched in her sorrows.

But goodness that noseyparker didn’t make it any better, did she!?

However, the coat front to back thing is a good idea to keep in mind for the future. It wouldn't have worked this time because she ripped off the top while I was getting her in the buggy, but might work the next time she is being difficult.

I’d have given her the coco pops

Yup, me too.

I would hope that a nursery would have the common sense to distinguish bw a tantrumming child that is normally properly dressed and whose mother has the appropriate clothing with them and someone who habitually sends their child in under dressed @PumpkinP. Wasting SS time is a shitty thing to do, given how stretched they are.

I would have done as you but would have told her t mind her own business and walked away from the woman (if possible).
I was on holiday once and had booked my under two year old into a creche while I took my son for a swim lesson. She had a tantrum to end all tantrums. I forced her into her pushchair and we went, with her screaming and me crying, to the creche. The women there, who had four children of their own between them, took her and told me not to worry it happens and she'd tire herself out. Which she did - she was sleeping when I collected her. When she woke up she was her usual self.
It's so traumatic but as long as they are not in pain it literally is a battle of wills and you have to force them. Children at that age have tantrums for ridiculous reasons and a little cold air is not going to harm anyone.

You take your 3 year old only wearing a vest in the snow and ask if it's ok?

Seriously?

You are the parent, put a jumper on, zip her coat, then plonk her in the buggy. Who cares if she is not happy about it. You are the one starting the thread, so I am replying, yes, I do judge. I don't believe for a second you can't force her to do or not do something.

If your 3 year old wants to run in front of a lorry, eat medicine, put her fingers in a plug, refuse to go to bed, you still manage don't you? of course you do. She is not "extremely strong willed", she is a normal child, it's your job to be a parent.

@mantarays I do. I really do. I was waiting for her to decide she wanted to not be cold. I didn't shout at her. I immediately forgave her and hugged her when she chose to put the coat on. Not sure what losing one's temper means to you, but I was in possession of my judgement.

So would you just be late for work or not get your work done over a tantruming child?