to take my child out in the cold

[tantrumingcoldchild]

Name changed for this!

I was trying to get my 3 year old daughter to nursery by 8 am for breakfast and so that I can get on with a big work project. She had a massive strop because she wanted to have Coco Pops at home. The general tantruming lasted almost an hour.

I finally forced her into her buggy (not something I normally do), but she ripped off her sweatshirt in the process and she was only in her vest. I attempted to put her coat on over her backwards but she angrily flung it off.

Knowing that she would quickly tire of the cold, I started the 7 minute walk to nursery. There was some very light snowy rain, just a few drops here and there. A woman saw me leaving my building with my daughter flailing around and screaming in her vest, and glared at me. She had a child with her.

When I was halfway down the block, the woman came back and asked me angrily if I had seen the weather and what my child was wearing. I explained that she was having a temper tantrum and I needed to work. I said that I was going to put her coat on her when she calmed down.

The woman insisted that this wasn't good enough and continued to berate me, saying it was horrible not to dress my child. I explained that my daughter had taken her clothes off and showed her the sweatshirt and coat which were ready and waiting.

She shouted at me some more and called me a crazy bitch. I asked her what she would do if she were going to get sacked for being late (this is theoretical, as I am not going to get sacked but I do need to work and I want my daughter to understand that there are boundaries and consequences. I let her make me late way too often). She told me that she would rather lose her job than take her child out in the cold and then yelled at me some more. I lost my temper and shouted back at her and she eventually left.

My daughter was quite upset. She asked if the lady was not nice to me. I explained that the woman was angry with me for not making my daughter wear her clothes in the cold. Then my original plan came to fruition: my daughter agreed to put her top and coat on, I hugged her and said I loved her, and we walked to nursery together.

So, was I unreasonable to take my daughter out in a vest when she was having a horrible temper tantrum?

I'd still like to know how you taught a three year old about the cold, without ever letting her feel it.

Also, how do you get a small tank of a toddler (size of a six year old) into a coat without bruising him or breaking bones? Yes, he is that strong.

So what do you do?

As opposed to telling us what you don't do?

How do you teach a toddler about the cold without letting them feel it?

The only unreasonable thing you did OP was to give that random woman the time of day. “Lady, mind your own business” and stalk off would have been my preferred approach. Do what you have to do and KOKO.

Not answering the question then?

How do you teach her about the cold if she never gets to feel it?

My son went out in just a t shirt in the cold once. It was very cold. He put his coat on within about eight seconds.

He learned why he needed to put a coat on.

Now he happily puts it on himself every time.

I do not have to shout, use physical force, beg or even bribe him. I don't have to ring my boss and say I can't come to work because he wouldn't put his coat on.

You genuinely think that physically forcing a child into a coat, risking brusing and injury, is better?? Really?

Again, how do you teach your child about the cold with out letting her feel it?

How?

You are the adult. The child is 3. Nope, I would not take my twin daughters of similar age out in just vests. YWBU. The other woman was BU to challenge you somewhat aggressively, but if I saw a child in a vest in Winter, I would say something, but probably more along the lines of asking if the Mum/child were okay and could I help.

bingbangbing

It’s a ridiculous question, because I didn’t say she never gets to feel it. I said she, at the age of 3, doesn’t go out in a vest in snowy conditions. That doesn’t mean she never feels the cold. You are clearly struggling to understand me so I think it’s best we leave our interaction there.

@tantrumingcoldchild some children are just contrary Mary’s and the harder you try the more they will resist, I know because I’ve had one.

You had everything with you to put on her, her life wasn’t endangered and she learned something so it’s fine.

I’ve taken mine to school in pyjamas before after an epic tantrum. She didn’t believe I would and thought I’d back down so I had to prove I meant what I said. It only happened the once.

I’ve got 3 dc. Two have had the occasional moment when they were small but one of them has always had a will of iron and It’s her way or not at all. I’ve learned over the years that there is no battle too small that she won’t fight so as long as it’s safe I was happy for her to find out the consequences for herself. She’s adult now so I say my piece and let her get on with it

I suspect that those insisting that their child would never be out in just a vest for even a minute, are actually more concerned about what people think than teaching their children.

You cannot teach a three year old simply by telling them or punishment. Not if you're aiming for actual understanding as opposed to just obedience.

They need to see and feel things for themselves. You have to let them spill the milk, through away the cake, get cold, wet their pants. You let them face limited, safe negative consequences and they learn.

You can't answer the question.

You either have a passive child or one that is still physically small enough to be forced.

How will that work when she's bigger?

Because you cannot answer. Simple as that.

It's a public forum. If you don't like people questioning you, don't post.

How do you teach a three year old about the cold if she's not allowed to feel it?

How often do you have to physically force her to do things?

I suspect that those insisting that their child would never be out in just a vest for even a minute, are actually more concerned about what people think than teaching their children.

No, I’m more concerned with my child being dressed - you know, like wearing clothes outside the house dressed. I couldn’t care less about whether they put their coat on or I carry it for them but undressed, outside, in winter, isn’t ok. It’s entirely possible for my kids to feel cold without being outside in sleet half dressed.

Part of teaching my children is them understanding that sometimes they need to do what I say regardless of whether they understand why, because as an adult, and their parent I see risks and worries that they don’t. Wearing clothes outside the house is one of those things. Mine are older now, they know they need to wear a coat (and clothes) outside in winter. Oddly enough I didn’t need to half freeze them to teach them this.

So how do you teach them without letting them feel the cold?

Physically force them into clothes? You cannot do that pass a certain level of strength/size. Not go out?

I do think it's a case of keeping up with Jones.

Do people smack their kids in this situation?

*You are clearly struggling to understand me so I think it’s best we leave our interaction there.
*

As I’ve said, I don’t want to interact with you anymore. Please stop posting questions to me.

perhaps stop responding, you're equally interacting!

You do say a lot of things you don't follow through though!

You too, sponge.

I cannot get over someone refusing their child breakfast and expecting a toddler to understand coco pops is only for the weekend and not freak out about that. What the hell!

While my DD is 3, I am in charge. If that means force, so be it. She doesn’t decide when I am right.

Honestly for my DS (3) no amount of force could achieve this. If I saw the OP in the street with a child I wouldn't say anything, it's fine for her to have done that.

Obviously not ideal. If I'm against the clock with DS I will be aware I need to avoid a tantrum where possible, I.e. "of course you can have the bloody coco pops my darling - you just need to ask nicely and eat them super quickly". When I'm in a hurry I weigh up the pros and cons of the right parenting decision vs the need to be on time.

And if he is still in a bad mood an on the brink of tantrum I'd give him a choice

• put your coat on or come without your coat

So basically the same as the OP, but I wouldn't give him the hour to tantrum first!

No, it's called teaching.

I've taught undergrads who have been raised your way, mantaray.

They're helpless. They have little independence and struggle in the real world because their parents were more concerned with appearances and obedience. Can't use a tin opener because they were never allowed the risk. Turn up in inappropriate clothing as they don't realise why the appropriate clothing their parents have insisted they wear, is necessary.

Seriously, please teach your daughter about real consequences. Or I might do it for her (by deducting a day of fieldwork completed) as she had to go home to get a coat.

It was very cold, maybe a high of 8 in London later in the day (as per pp) but at the same time we walked in the snow and rain it was 3 which felt like 1 according weather app.