About baby's surname

[Rosebel]

When I had my first daughter me and my partner (now husband) hadn't been together long so we agreed to give her my surname. When we had our second we also gave her my surname. Since then we've got married but I haven't changed my surname, mainly because if I go back to my career as I hope to it'll be difficult if I have a different surname.
Now I'm pregnant with our son my husband wants him to have his surname but I'm not keen. It would be easier if my husband changed his name to mine and then we'd all have the same surname.I hate the idea of our son having a different name to his sisters.
My husband and interfering MIL keep saying he should have my husband's name to carry on the family name although as I pointed out there are other make relatives with that name so it won't did out.
Today MIL said she'll be so disappointed if the baby doesn't get my husband's name and I said I'll be disappointed if he does.
Isn't it easier if all the children have the same surname? Am I unreasonable to think it's fuck all to do with MIL what the baby's called?

@Rosebel DD1 & 2 have my surname as we both liked it better. They have their father's surname on their passports and birth certs as a middle name (i.e. in there, but not double-barrelled). He joked that he was playing the long game because if they married and decided to take a partner's surname, his surname would still be in there whereas mine wouldn't.

Could this be a possibility for you?

Ok @Rosebel i can see its causing you a lot of tension. So let's think about it logically do you want your son to have your name because it's your surname or because he would be the same as his siblings?
If it's the same as siblings... your daughters are 11 and 13 at high school, its not like you will have all 3 or 2 out the 3 at nursery with different names or at primary school together. They will have left, and nearly left school by the time your son starts in reception. If you are worried about that for school purposes you can legally put your married name on forms etc even if you dont happen to use it in every day life.
Your daughters at 18 could go and change their name anyway.
If they marry they may change their name anyway and have neither of your names or double barrel their surname.
Is your MILs opinion influencing your decision / reasoning?
Why does your preference trump DHs opinion?
Ok so I get that be agreed to the girls having your name, I still believe this is because he thinks their surname will change at some point anyway and your son will always keep his surname.
Tradition has been for women to change their name, lots of traditions come and go. Just because someone would like to cary on that tradition doesn't make them archaic or whatever but Its very difficult for you I see that... but maybe thinking about it from a different point of view might help a bit? Good luck OP hope you get it sorted.

Frankly, you can register the birth alone and that is exactly what I would do. Whilst contemplating divorce. I would be beyond livid that my 'D'H was treating my DDs like this and I would not want them to think it was ok.

Why does your preference trump DHs opinion?

But it wasn't his preference before and his daughters have had their names for 11/13 years... so if his argument is about family names then he is currently the only person in his family unit who doesn't have the same name, but expects everyone else to change theirs now that a boy is set to arrive.

Aside from the archaic patriarchal issues, it's logistically ridiculous due to being an expectation of two girls and a woman changing their legal names to accommodate one man changing his.

It's fine if people want to adhere to tradition, but if it's a dealbreaker or line in the sand then it should be communicated from the start not allowed for one sex of child and not for the other. I would be so disappointed.

Should have said:

Aside from the archaic patriarchal issues, it's logistically ridiculous due to being an expectation of two girls and a woman changing their legal names as opposed to one man changing his

I’d say the family name has been established now for your family, so that’s that. Time for him to propose an alternative or compromise was when your first daughter was born or when you got married and that’s been and gone.

I think you have done the right (and incidentally traditional) thing so far. If your husband was up for continuing with the same surname then I would say go for it, but as he has an opinion on it I think you need to be more open minded. Perhaps discuss giving your child your surname as a middle name and his surname as a surname and vis versa. See if you can reach a compromise.

Do people still genuinely care about ‘carrying on the family name’?

Yes, some do. While terribly unpopular on MN, it is still an issue for some people.