About baby's surname

[Rosebel]

When I had my first daughter me and my partner (now husband) hadn't been together long so we agreed to give her my surname. When we had our second we also gave her my surname. Since then we've got married but I haven't changed my surname, mainly because if I go back to my career as I hope to it'll be difficult if I have a different surname.
Now I'm pregnant with our son my husband wants him to have his surname but I'm not keen. It would be easier if my husband changed his name to mine and then we'd all have the same surname.I hate the idea of our son having a different name to his sisters.
My husband and interfering MIL keep saying he should have my husband's name to carry on the family name although as I pointed out there are other make relatives with that name so it won't did out.
Today MIL said she'll be so disappointed if the baby doesn't get my husband's name and I said I'll be disappointed if he does.
Isn't it easier if all the children have the same surname? Am I unreasonable to think it's fuck all to do with MIL what the baby's called?

OP your husband is weird and stuck in the dark ages as it is clear his lastname isn't unique if he didn't push for his daughters to have it.

Also is he aware that your son could get married and change his name? And your daughters could get married and their spouse could choose to change their name to theirs?

I would put him on the spot and ask him what he think constitutes a family name and is it important to him.

If the answer is yes - and I am sure he'll blithely insist it is, ask him why he is happy to have the same family name as his mother but not his own daughters. Does he feel that he belongs to PIL's family more than he belongs with the people who surround him in his own home? If not, why is he not changing to the FAMILY NAME that already exists within these four walls?

That's going to make him hestitate as his mind works FURIOUSLY to square that circle and come up with an answer that isn't 'but sexism'. While he's doing that, whip out the deed poll forms and smile and say 'Glad you agree, I've long been uneasy that you're the only person without the FAMILY NAME in this house.'

Oh but no. Perhaps it doesn't matter. A name is just a name. Why should he change! - ok, fine, glad you don't think names matter, our son will have the same name as his sisters then as practically that is so much easier.

I'm with your MIL I'm afraid. The children should have your DH name, you've started something with the DD's having yours but as a MIL I'd be disappointed too for the son not to have the name

Oh and yes the absolutely HUGE HUGE issue of it being made crystal clear that misogynist boor daddy was only really bothered about his son having his surname.

This is one of the reasons I wouldn't even countenance double barreling - now that the children have surnames, it really isn't a case of what's fair to your dh. It's about what's best for the children. Stop and think for a minute of the instant division and hierarchy that you're creating there, made self-evident from the first time one of your poor daughters asks why.

He's a real twat for suggesting it.

I'm with your MIL I'm afraid. The children should have your DH name, you've started something with the DD's having yours but as a MIL I'd be disappointed too for the son not to have the name

Why the son?

as a MIL I'd be disappointed too for the son not to have the name

May the mighty Penis sally forth carrying only the ideal arrangement of vowels and consonants. Not one wrinkle nor letter shall be out of place, else it may come to pass that the MAN is not the MOST IMPORTANT!

[CONFUSED]

My husband and interfering MIL keep saying he should have my husband's name to carry on the family name

Do people still genuinely care about ‘carrying on the family name’? How disappointing. I think your son should have the same name as you and his sisters. YANBU.

There's something very depressing about him not caring what his daughters are called, but wanting desperately to claim his son.

^^ This

I took my husbands name but kept my own name for my career. That way i found my clients couldnt identify me outside of work or look me up in social media. Would that be an option

Yanbu. Really weird to give him a different name to his sisters too! And to split the family along gender lines. Nowt to do with your MiL she can stay disappointed! She's probably been shit stirring with your husband.

If he wants to share a name with his son he can change it to your name!

"Carrying on the family name" is so archaic, and supposes your son will have a heterosexual relationship where he will marry a woman who will then take his name.

Times are a-changing! Thank fuck.

There's something very depressing about him not caring what his daughters are called, but wanting desperately to claim his son.

This. Again.

Your DS should have the same name as his sisters. Either your DH could use that name too or, alternatively, you could all double barrel, which seems perfectly logical.

Your suggestion that everyone changes their name should make sense.

It wasn't even MILs family name so she can get to fuck.

mondeo why should the kids be given the mans name? Traditionally, if you’re into that, kids are given the mothers name, whether that’s a new name on marriage, or the mothers original name. ‘Passing on a name’ is the most depressing, patriarchal, chest beating, low brow concept, ffs, it assumes that the kid will choose to breed on a dying planet, and make his offspring bear his name like it’s an all-powerful ‘man-thing’. 🙄 the OPs newest kid should have the family name of its siblings.

YY, he should change his name.

Fair enough to double-barrel if you'd done it all the way through, but a bit silly to change three names now for the sake of one stubborn person!

I suppose if he feels really strongly you might consider double-barrelling, but he is asking quite a lot, given that he must know there's already a pressure on you to be the one to play nice and give it about names.

Not everyone - I meant makes sense for DH to change his name to match everyone else!

Btw, it will be expensive to change three names if you want to do it with new passports/ID documents, rather than informally.

Yes, he should have his father's name.

OP, your husbands mother opinions are to be utterly discounted, they’re completely irrelevant. She has bred and named her own offspring, that’s where her musings end.

tania can you try to articulate why the newest kid should have the mans name? When everyone else has a different name?

I was in a similar position in that I had 2 DCs with my DH (before we were married) and gave them both my surname. However, when we got married, I changed all of our surnames to his because of, well, tradition.

Over 10 years later, I still wish I hadn't done it. If he was bothered enough about us all having the same name (I'm not sure if he was or not, TBH), he could have changed his to mine. I can't change it back now, but as a feminist, I regret it.

OP, stick to your guns!

@MondeoFan

I'm with your MIL I'm afraid. The children should have your DH name, you've started something with the DD's having yours but as a MIL I'd be disappointed too for the son not to have the name

The 1800s called, did you escape again??

You can choose your name, mil chose her name, op can choose her name

@MondeoFan, are you the mil or dh?

Why does it matter if the kids have different surnames?