What do the cloth addicts/babywearers/BLWers etc do when their kids get older???

[BabyofMine]

Having a small child I’m fascinated by how obsessed certain parents (ok, honestly it’s mostly mothers) get with certain aspects of parenting. To a crazy amazing degree. So far I’ve noticed the complete fanaticism with:

Cloth nappies
Baby wearing
Breastfeeding
Baby led weaning
Wooden/open ended toys
Certain brands of children’s clothes (Scandinavia/ethical brands)
Prams (having so many and getting new ones all the time)
Car seat safety (rear facing, some people I know seem to know every seat on the market!)

I can’t believe how obsessed some are with the above! Just to clarify I have an interest in most of the above and think there’s nothing wrong with any of the above! I just wonder, if you have older children, do you know anyone who was fanatical with any of the above (or were you yourself)? And if so what do they/you DO with themselves now those things aren’t important?! It just seems an all encompassing part of some of my friends/acquaintances lives I can’t imagine what they will do when our children get older!!

Especially wonder about the “cloth bumming” mums when their children toilet train!!!

Love this thread! I wasn't too bad but definitely slightly obsessed with scandi clothing (I am scandi though so excused) and prams! Went through all stages of micro scooters as well!

Mine are now 13 and 10 and both into football and I have become yes slightly obsessed! Hate missing any games, follow all the local teams on the league tables etc. Have made great friends through it though

It’s all wanky consumerism.
100% this.

It's just another way to sell a lifestyle or a tribe to people, only what is frustrating to me about the obsessives in the groups I'm in on Facebook is that they seem to genuinely believe they are enlightened off grid, ethical, anti consumerist folk who've managed to free themselves from the pressures of baby marketing. They don't seem to realise they've swapped one profit making market master for another.

I most definitely would not fit into the “older, educated, middle class etc” stereotype on here. I was a very young and poor teenage mum when I had my eldest who left school with minimal qualifications.

Babywearer - yep, I’ve never owned a pram 3 kids in almost 20 years. I still own 1 carrier, 1ring sling, 1 mei dai, and a wrap. I still occasionally carry my 7 year old (maybe once every couple of months, but may have to start carrying again once a week for using the subway)

BF - yep, all 3 kids for a minimum of 3.5 years. Youngest didn’t have solids till about 14/15 months.

Bed share - yep with all 3, one of them for 6 years.

BLW - yep, but only with 2 kids, youngest has SN so it was unsafe.

Prams - didn’t own one, kids never been in one.

ERF - imported a Swedish car seat, youngest is still rear facing at 7 years (smallish kid, big seat, SN)

Cloth bum - yep all kids, even as a young teen I used terry nappies, then moved on to birth to potty nappies. 7 year old is still in cloth.

Scandi clothing - when I could afford it, I am still obsessed with dungs though.

Wooden toys - yep, though my younger 2 lo’s do now have other toys.

All of these things are still important to me, but part of being an “attachment/responsive” parent is knowing that these things are fleeting, that each milestone that you reach is a cause for celebration not mourning. I cherish the things we’ve outgrown.

I’m not vegan.
Not on the PTA (too bitchy and negative)

I co-run two local bounce and rhyme library sessions, one of which I set up from scratch.

I used to run a local toddler group but recently passed that on.

We plan to foster when our youngest is a little older, most likely difficult to place children (those with additional needs and sibling groups).

“attachment/responsive” parent

Wtf is a responsive parent? Surely all parents who don't neglect their children? Disposable nappies, plastic toys and supermarket clothing don't render you unable to respond to your children do they?

Blimey what a load of shit.

Wtf is a responsive parent?

Well I don’t know about you, but I lob mine out the back in their pram all day and fire the occasional plastic toy and pack of wotsits at them.

Am I doing it wrong?

Wtf is a responsive parent? Surely all parents who don't neglect their children?

What they mean is that you respond every time. So no crying it out, or controlled crying. Responding promptly every single time they cry.

What they mean is that you respond every time. So no crying it out, or controlled crying. Responding promptly every single time they cry

And I'm still struggling to see the link between that and scandi style clothing/cloth nappies and wooden toys....

And I'm still struggling to see the link between that and scandi style clothing/cloth nappies and wooden toys

There isn’t one. It’s total nonsense.

And I'm still struggling to see the link between that and scandi style clothing/cloth nappies and wooden toys....

I don't think there is one. But I am in an anti-sleep training group and there's a lot of crossover with extended breastfeeding, cosleeping and limited screen time/wooden toys etc. Not sure about the car seats- that's surely just good sense. And I don't get the fashion stuff.

Isn't it just @LaurieMarlow

I’ve known a few of these types Recently learned the phrase “purity spiral” and it fits these women perfectly (I say “women” and not “parents” very deliberately).

Some definitely homeschool. Some breastfeed beyond age 5. Some like to carry on with the Scandi style clothing non-conformity as long as possible. Some never cut their kids’ hair. Some opine on social media about laying next to their kids until they fall asleep “as long as it takes” until year two and beyond. It’s pretty exhausting if you ask me.

Yes I see a lot of mums getting caught in this spiral Haworthia. It’s a never ending spiral because they will always “fail” somewhere
When I had DD I became a bit ensnared and it caused anxiety - I think a lot of these mums have anxiety because of this and because females are conditions to care too much

And I'm still struggling to see the link between that and scandi style clothing/cloth nappies and wooden toys
It's not so much a link as it would be a Venn diagram with a sizable overlap between different groups, much like there'd be an overlap between people interested in clean eating, going to the gym and sporting competitions.

I love my slings, breastfeed and use cloth nappies. So do a lot of people in the groups I go to, but other groups I'm the only breastfeeding mum in the room.

I'd consider using cloth nappies to be a parenting decision because DC is happier in them, less nappy rash, better environmentally. The sling is useful because I'm too lazy to take the pram. Many others are just like me, but there are some who wax lyrical about Frugi, Grimm's toys, what they'll do when the new prints come back and it becomes like a tribal identity.

Oh dear Lord. All I can think is that these Mums who completely immerse themselves in being a parent clearly didn't have much of a life before they had a baby.

People change and swap what they’re into all the time.
Before they bought cloth nappies (before they had a baby to put them on!) these people had interests, hobbies...
so it’s just the same - some things fall away as you get bored or your kids outgrow them, and they’re gradually replaced by others.

At 2, I was looking at second hand websites for nappies.

At 12, I’m spending the same amount of time researching if we can commit to a rabbit.

I find it an odd question really - it’s just life.

A lot of the people on this thread are being incredibly offensive.

I didn't let my child cry it out, I never owned a pram and still carry her sometimes, she's home educated, I did wear her in a sling, and did not feed her pureed food, so I suppose I did BLW, I breastfed until she was 7, she's nearly 8 and still sleeps in our bed.

It all comes from a place of wanting to do my absolute best for my child that I can. I would never place anyone in a group of people and poke fun of them because they chose to use a pram over a sling.

Other than the wooden toys and scandi clothing, have you noticed all the other options are much cheaper?

Feeding your child whatever your eating rather than pots of pureed foods, buying a bundle of cloth nappies rather than disposable, breastfeeding over formula, a sling over a pram.

When I gave birth to my daughter she became my world, everything revolved around making sure her needs and wants were met, why is that such a bad thing?

When I gave birth to my daughter she became my world, everything revolved around making sure her needs and wants were met, why is that such a bad thing?

Because the natural conclusion to this statement is that parents who don't do these things are worse parents and care less for their children.

Because the natural conclusion to this statement is that parents who don't do these things are worse parents and care less for their children.
Precisely and it's that attitude that gets people's backs up.

It's a bit much to be calling other people offensive for discussing some light hearted observations about people who becomes obsessive about certain elements of their parenting (because the OP was quite clear she was talking about obsessive, not 'anyone who has ever used a sling / cloth nappy'), only to then essentially say "some of you are mean and nasty because I did all these things for my child because I put their needs first" which implies anyone not doing that is somehow not putting their baby first. It's an attitude I see a lot on some of the Facebook groups I'm part of that boils down to "we are caring parent's unlike others".

@formerbabe I never said that and didn't mean to imply it. Everyone has different priorities and raises different types children. You can care for your child and have a night out once a week, but I would rather stay at home and watch a movie with my child. One is not bad, one is not good. They are just different.

It’s not the natural conclusion, it’s the defensive conclusion.

@LolaSmiles I do think it's obsessive and although the OP meant it light-heartedly, a lot of the posts that followed weren't.

Are you saying if I reversed it you wouldn't find out offensive?

What do those mothers do once their child gets too old to just lock them in their pram? How do they cope?

Well lock them in reins of course, then send them to nursery, then to school, and after-school clubs, then college. Whatever they can do to have their own free time and spend less time with their kids, huh?

When I gave birth to my daughter she became my world, everything revolved around making sure her needs and wants were met, why is that such a bad thing?

That level of care and absolute attention is admirable, but you are raising your DD in a ridiculously rarefied environment. You are not fitting her for a life in the actual, real world I'm afraid. I also don't think it healthy for any child to believe they are their parents' 'whole world'. It's far too much pressure and responsibility and too suffocating for any child to encumber x

It's talking about obsession, though. I did/do most of the stuff on that list, but I don't feel victimised or offended by it 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's stuff I do, but it doesn't dominate my life or free time (or justify my existence) the way it does for some people, just like when I used to go running, it didn't become an all-consuming obsession that I had to keep my FB friends updated with every step of the way. But for some people it does.

Some people just have obsessive personalities, and if you have an obsessive personality and then have a child, which naturally makes you more prone to obsessing, then it's easy to understand how stuff on that list becomes less like something you just do and more like something that defines you as a parent or person (particularly when it's in the eyes of others).

I didn't obsess over cloth nappies, I just put up with them because it was the frugal and environmental choice, and I was happy when DS was finally potty trained. He was born in 2001 when cloth nappies weren't really a thing, so it had nothing to do with virtue signalling. I did get through a lot of prams and pushchairs, possibly because I failed at baby wearing! Again, it was a relief when I no longer needed them and didn't get dirty looks in shops and on buses, or wedged in an escalator at Euston (that was just the once, but it was the end of that pushchair which had narrowly survived an encounter with Russian baggage handlers). I've never had a car, and clothes and toys were usually secondhand and plastic. I did breastfeed for many years, that's true.

In my day the new mums who were "obsessed" with childrearing gimmicks were all into The Contented Little Baby Book and control crying. (And having matchy-matchy nursery furniture and massive people-carriers.) Has the fashion pendulum swung the other way now? It's hard to envisage the performance parents of today bragging about doing the sort of things I was derided for. Better than formula feeding and deliberate coldness, obviously.

And a lot of this ties into 'attachment parenting', which I have massive issues with (and that's as someone who does do a lot of the things 'attachment parents' should).