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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Oh no, it's her

200 replies

OhffsHelp · 25/02/2020 15:12

Name change as lots of details.

So I have an ex, it was a very immature relationship that happend when I was in my late teens and he was early 20's. We'd only been together a handful of months when he suggested we get engaged and made noises about trying for a baby. I was understandably freaked out and dumped him.

But ex had a friend, we'll call her Jess. Jess was very controlling with ex. She'd insist he came on drives with her when we were having date nights. She'd turn up at his house and demand he came outside for a smoke, while I was sleeping over. And she was obsessed with telling him I was jealous of their relationship, honestly I didn't give two hoots. When we broke up ex implied they had been sleeping together the whole time, which wasn't surprising.

But anyway, we broke up, moved on. A few years have passed, but...

Jess is currently moving in next door to me as we speak Shock
I don't think she knows I live here, I'm slightly panicking and having visions of her snearing at me anytime I take the bins out in my PJs. Or judging me through the window as I'm unattractively gardening. If she's still friends with ex, no doubt he'll be there all the time too, maybe they're a couple and he'll be moving in too.

Please tell me I'm being ridiculous and she won't recognise or care about me!

OP posts:
Supertrooper98 · 25/02/2020 21:16

OP keep us posted about how this develops!

nanbread · 25/02/2020 21:18

Make friends with her husband then invite him out for drives in the middle of the night ;)

ohtheholidays · 25/02/2020 21:24

I'd bloody hate to be in your sitatution OP(helpful I know)being as you've seen her has she not seen you yet?

I think I'd try and be out in the garden when she's next outside,that way you can at least control when she does see you.

if anyone should be worried or embarrassed it should be her,she behaved like a right tit and you behaved exceptionally well.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 25/02/2020 21:28

I don't believe in this kind of coincidence. But by the same token it's difficult to wrap my head around what could make someone so demeted, sad, and just plain weird as to go to lengths like these. A PP queried:

why would so many people pretend not to remember her?

Because there's nothing so insulting as complete indifference. That said, @TeapotCollection's suggestion made me guffaw!

WhiteBadger · 25/02/2020 21:31

Omg let's hope she does recognise you and you can do they "Oh gosh I'm so terribly sorry, but who are you?"

She was that insignificant you can't remember who she is!!!

Awww delicious!! Practice that in your head!!

Ps - Do you have a new gorgeous boyfriend???

JillAmanda · 25/02/2020 21:32

I'd laugh whenever I saw her. Or make it really obvious I was trying not to laugh at her

This.

If you get into conversation and she says she’s still with him burst out laughing then quickly compose yourself “HAHAHAHAHA!! Oops. Sorry. Shouldn’t laugh. Aww you’re still with him? (Snigger) Bless you....”

itsgettingweird · 25/02/2020 21:35

Was laughing at replies and howled at

"Burning down your house is a bit extreme. Firebomb her gaff" Grin

I think cool and breezy is the way to go as agree you don't come out of the history badly at all.

ZaZathecat · 25/02/2020 21:38

YABU, you dumped him so hold your head up high!

soundsystem · 25/02/2020 21:43

So awkward! I don't have anything to add so will admit I'm just place-marking to find out if the Ex moves in too!

TSSDNCOP · 25/02/2020 21:44

It’s only 3 years, I don’t think you can “forget” her.

I’d have to go with “goodness, here you are again Tess” and when/if she drags the past up nod sagely and say enigmatically as per the PP “strange times, strange times, best never spoken of” and off you go.

Thismummyruns · 25/02/2020 21:45

I too have nothing to add but need to know how this one pans out 😆

LilQueenie · 25/02/2020 21:51

wait whats the issue? She was the controlling one, he wasn't exactly gods gift. Whats the big deal. You are free of her little game. Rise above it and show her you are over it all in they way you hold yourself around her.

SnoozyLou · 25/02/2020 21:54

OP, if they were sleeping together (and I'd say that's a big if and that he may well just have said that to hurt you after you chucked him), this doesn't exactly have romance of the century written all over it. If it was true, she's the idiot fawning all over him while he was busy chasing someone else. I bet he's long gone.

CorianderLord · 25/02/2020 22:01

Just ignore her. I've never even met one of my neighbours

YouokHun · 25/02/2020 22:06

Oh god, you were meant to tell me I'm being ridiculous!!! Time to burn my house down

Not much strategic thinking going on OP. @Grumpelstilskin has it right; burn HER house down, not yours. Those cardboard packing boxes burn well (though you’d be better off getting out the matches before Pickfords pulls up outside).

BlackCatSleeping · 25/02/2020 22:06

This wouldn't even bother me. Just carry on as normal. If she is obsessed with you then that's rather sad of her.

MadeForThis · 25/02/2020 22:30

It's will be obvious if you pretend not to know her. I doubt she will go out of her way to speak to you. She has more to be embarrassed about from your history.

I'd be more concerned that your ex was still her friend and would make a nuisance of himself again.

BlackAndWhiteCat0 · 25/02/2020 22:34

Nooooooo! This is the worst. How unlucky. Here’s hoping she saw the light too

bananafish · 25/02/2020 22:46

Unless you're Olivia Colman, you're never gonna pull off the "who are you again?" bluff - it's really tricky and as has been said, gives her a bit too much power.

A polite, slightly chilly hello with a generic, hope you settle in well, and off you go.

Bottom line? She's irrelevant.

Zombiemum1946 · 25/02/2020 22:52

Walk away quickly and lock your doors.

maa1992 · 25/02/2020 23:00

Thats something I would honestly dread

Zombiemum1946 · 25/02/2020 23:02

More seriously, keep it polite, distant, and short. It's what I did with a creepy ex's creepy dad and it's been 20 yrs. You never know, it might not be the proudest moment of her life.

Downunderduchess · 25/02/2020 23:14

It sounds like she was massively jealous of you, so if anything it would annoy her to find herself living next to you. You just carry on living your life, she has no place in it. Be happy & just choose to be civil but stay away from drama.

WhenPushComesToShove · 25/02/2020 23:16

Got the popcorn out here.....

ASimpleLampoon · 25/02/2020 23:26

Don't burn your house down. Burn hers!

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