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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Oh no, it's her

200 replies

OhffsHelp · 25/02/2020 15:12

Name change as lots of details.

So I have an ex, it was a very immature relationship that happend when I was in my late teens and he was early 20's. We'd only been together a handful of months when he suggested we get engaged and made noises about trying for a baby. I was understandably freaked out and dumped him.

But ex had a friend, we'll call her Jess. Jess was very controlling with ex. She'd insist he came on drives with her when we were having date nights. She'd turn up at his house and demand he came outside for a smoke, while I was sleeping over. And she was obsessed with telling him I was jealous of their relationship, honestly I didn't give two hoots. When we broke up ex implied they had been sleeping together the whole time, which wasn't surprising.

But anyway, we broke up, moved on. A few years have passed, but...

Jess is currently moving in next door to me as we speak Shock
I don't think she knows I live here, I'm slightly panicking and having visions of her snearing at me anytime I take the bins out in my PJs. Or judging me through the window as I'm unattractively gardening. If she's still friends with ex, no doubt he'll be there all the time too, maybe they're a couple and he'll be moving in too.

Please tell me I'm being ridiculous and she won't recognise or care about me!

OP posts:
flowerpot6 · 25/02/2020 19:26

I would secretly love this (probably only for a day or so) - so I could live life very fabulously and flaunt how much better my life is since ex isn't around!

Make sure to be busy and fabulous whilst she's still new - invite lots of friends over, treat yourself with some online shopping and make her sign for it all (you're far too busy being fabulous to be in signing for your own parcels...)

And approach her confidently - you know exactly who she is - and you haven't given her or him a moment's thought in 3 years, because you've been far too busy living your fabulous life... Must dash, off to more exciting events. Etc.

Raspberrytruffle · 25/02/2020 19:27

If it were me I'd keep myself to myself it's how I keep out of bother with my social housing tenants, if they speak just grunt hi and keep on moving. You could pretend to be the neighbor's from hell like noisy sex? Parts? Only joking just learn to keep your head down

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 25/02/2020 19:32

Maybe she also realised that he wasn’t for her and also had a lucky escape. Maybe she realises that she was a dick to you. Maybe you’ll bond over memories of what an arse he was.
Maybe she’s also going “oh shit”.
I think a breezy “ oh hello” whilst looking puzzled as if trying to place her is your best bet

ChicCroissant · 25/02/2020 19:36

Assuming that it was true he was sleeping with her (and I doubt this, tbh) then he was hardly exclusive if he was dating you and wanted a baby, so I'll say they are not together and SHE will be the one who is horrified embarassed when she recognises you!

beautifulstranger101 · 25/02/2020 19:36

Of course she'll remember.

But hold your horses, that doesnt mean she still "cares" does it? youve both moved on since then. Maybe she was in love with him and that explains her weird behaviour. Either way, dont start catastrophising yet. You never know- she might end up being a great friend! She might be like "oh god, I was a nightmare back then wasnt I? haha!".
Act as if things are going to be fine. Otherwise she'll sense your concerns and it will get awkward. Just treat it like its no big deal. Because really, in the scheme of things, it isn't.

SnoozyLou · 25/02/2020 19:39

I think you should get a rooster.

Grumpelstilskin · 25/02/2020 19:41

Burning your house down is a bit extreme. Firebomb her new gaff... Grin

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 25/02/2020 19:46

Oh no I would hate this. I know its 3 years ago, move on, blah blah blah but I would still hate it.
Some of these suggestions are fab though, I particularly like the rooster idea!

ChicCroissant · 25/02/2020 19:47

If she does have a new partner, ask her if it is

FuckPolitenessSSDGM · 25/02/2020 19:48

Could also go with Ness, Bess, Tess.

MrsPerfect12 · 25/02/2020 19:58

Oh no!! Hopefully she'll be mortified at her behaviour and they're not a couple 🙈

Timeforredwine · 25/02/2020 19:58

I think I would want to move but just breeze it out, say hello if she acknowledges you but pretend not to recognise her which means she was a minor irritation in the past and cannot dictate your future.

DirtyStinkinBass · 25/02/2020 19:58

Oh god OP, Nightmare 😳

Bright and breezy, that'll learn her

TiddlestheCat · 25/02/2020 20:10

Be graceful. Show up to her door with a tray of freshly baked muffins and a Chlamydia testing kit. Just sweetly imply that, having been double dipping etc, she night find it useful.

emmathedilemma · 25/02/2020 20:17

You should pop round with a bottle of wine to welcome her to the neighbourhood.

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 25/02/2020 20:25

Thank her for taking him off your hands.

ivykaty44 · 25/02/2020 20:35

Just be friendly to your new neighbour

Racmactac · 25/02/2020 20:40

Well my psycho ex bought the house next door to me so I'm full of sympathy.

Frownette · 25/02/2020 20:41

She might be a nicer person now, plenty of people are little shits when they're younger. Brazen it out.

HannaYeah · 25/02/2020 20:43

Google “Minnesota Nice”

Polite-friendly, understated, distant.

Basically, act like nothing happened. If she brings anything up say “Oh, that was just so long ago! It’s like a different lifetime for me!”

I think if you pretend not to know her/them it will be obvious it’s bothering you and she will feel she’s got something over on you.

altiara · 25/02/2020 20:51

I think tinkly laugh, then “oh yes the stalker!”

Tistheseason17 · 25/02/2020 21:04

I'd be dreading the first interaction, too, OP! Good luck! 🍀🤞

Mydogatemypurse · 25/02/2020 21:07

Urgh I would hate this. I would want to know if they are still together. Will friends know?
I think the general consensus is to pretend you dont remember her. Good luck xx

Thelnebriati · 25/02/2020 21:08

Welcome her my arse, I'd pretend not to know who she was, and the first time she said anything tell the stalking mare she needs to let it go and move on.

Ayemama · 25/02/2020 21:09

Oh wow what a nightmare, just be glad you ended it with the useless prick and be polite but distant with her if/when you run into each other