Oh no, it's her

[OhffsHelp]

Name change as lots of details.

So I have an ex, it was a very immature relationship that happend when I was in my late teens and he was early 20's. We'd only been together a handful of months when he suggested we get engaged and made noises about trying for a baby. I was understandably freaked out and dumped him.

But ex had a friend, we'll call her Jess. Jess was very controlling with ex. She'd insist he came on drives with her when we were having date nights. She'd turn up at his house and demand he came outside for a smoke, while I was sleeping over. And she was obsessed with telling him I was jealous of their relationship, honestly I didn't give two hoots. When we broke up ex implied they had been sleeping together the whole time, which wasn't surprising.

But anyway, we broke up, moved on. A few years have passed, but...

Jess is currently moving in next door to me as we speak
I don't think she knows I live here, I'm slightly panicking and having visions of her snearing at me anytime I take the bins out in my PJs. Or judging me through the window as I'm unattractively gardening. If she's still friends with ex, no doubt he'll be there all the time too, maybe they're a couple and he'll be moving in too.

Please tell me I'm being ridiculous and she won't recognise or care about me!

I know our time here is short but it was 3 years ago, OP. That is threeee looong yeeears.

Time for you (and her) to have knocked out 3 littlies, served a prison sentence or two, sailed around the world, had a boob job/nose job/tummy tuck/bum lift, shagged 150 men (at the modest rate of 1 a week)... you get my drift?

You ARE being ridiculous! She means nothing to you and nor does your ex-squeeze. While she's judging you 'garden unattractively' you can be sneering when she takes out her 'bins in her pjs' and vice versa.

OR you can act like the mature adult you have become and, as pp have advised, steal a march on her by knocking on her door and welcoming her to the street while doing your best 'don't I know you from somewhere - of course, you're what's 'er name' or waiting until your paths collide and greeting her in a civil manner 'what a surprise to see you here - are you visiting someone?'

Who knows whether she, or he, 'care' about you. The point is that you don't give a flying fuck about her, or him, and there's no reason why you should move.

No, you have to call her Sharon.

Hang on, OP - you seem awfully concerned about what she might think of you running out with your bins or 'gardening unattractively' (which is a lovely phrase which I plan to adopt), but why isn't the shoe on the other foot?

Doesn't she have much more to fear from you sneering at her if she was shagging your boyfriend throughout your relationship?

I'd say 'it's Jim isn't it?' 😏

Just pretend you don’t know who she is if she says anything. Then just be really smiley and nice. Don’t ever let her know her moving in next door has freaked you out.

you need to get in there first.

This occasion calls for you to front it out and go straight in with remembering why YOU ended the relationship as it was very immature. Even if they are an item, so what? show her that you have moved on and that it isn't an issue. That way if she makes it one it will be clearly her choice.

Beat her to it, go out and shout BOO! Bet you weren’t expecting me

This ^

Say something like, "It's so weird. I'm sure we've met before, but I just can't place you..." Then when she tells you, you can grimace and be "Of course! Goodness me, I had a lucky escape there..!"

or this ^

Of course - she may be with someone entirely different by now, and terrified that you will drop her in with her present partner.

If they're still together, congratulate them. It was meant to be.

But don't ever be available for coffee, wine, whine (} or whetever.

So what OP ..fuck her! You made the best decision ever getting shut of him and her ...stand tall and show em the woman you are.By the way to me that seems smart,fearless and ballsy.You have nothing to fear from her ..let her judge or not it doesnt matter,her opinion of you doesnt matter one iota.You might just find she has grown up too,hopefully she has!

You need to garden attractively. ;)

I'd hope that I could brazen it out, knock on the door with a bottle of wine and welcome her to the neighbourhood.

I doubt they are together.

Unpleasant situation, but try not to let her spoil your enjoyment of your home.

I would go out of my way to do things exactly like taking the bins out in my pyjamas, garden unattractively etc; in fact I would even make an effort to do so. Just to show how few shits I gave for her stupid sneeriness. Even if she isn't at all sneery!

Oh god I would hate this so much. That first encounter, ahhhhh, it will be so awkward. Good luck!!!

*You have one option and one option only: pretend you just don't recognise her. And, when you inevitably speak, she says, 'you know,

I'd laugh whenever I saw her. Or make it really obvious I was trying not to laugh at her.

Beat her to it, go out and shout BOO! Bet you weren’t expecting me

PMSL at this 😂🤣😂🤣😂

Please do report back when you see her looking like scrag end taking the rubbish out, won't you.

*her looking like scrag end I mean, not you!

Act like you don't recognise her! Better still if if she brings it up act like you don't remember her at all! Then consistently call her by the wrong name from that point on, a different one each time. Also if you get a fake bee hive (or better still a real one!) you can wear that full beekeepers garb in the garden.

I think that so long as you put on a fake beard and dark glasses every time you go out, it should all be fine!

Shamelessly placemarking!

It was three years ago, so I wouldn't bother with pretending to not recognise her.

Some people like feeling they can upset others, so really the best thing to do is just be neutral, civil and be indifferent to whatever she says, at least until you sussed her current situation out. Being treated as an irrelevance hurts, so acting like you're not bothered with her will put her on the back foot.

Pretending not to recognise her will actually show her that she's under your skin, that you're still bothered after 3 years. That is giving her a lot of power, because it's hard to act as if you haven't remembered who she is.

Have you bought the house? I'd hate this she sounds awful.

Just pretend you can't remember her at all and don't engage with her. If she mentions ex just screw up your face and say 'oh him....' get his name wrong and say it must have been a blip on your emotional landscape.

I'm going to suggest styling it out, say ''oh hi, I know your face don't I, don't tell me, Rohampton university 2007 to 2011 right?''

Here’s the thing - from everything you say about what happened three years ago, you came out on top. By a mile. You dumped a waste of space of a man, who happened to have a “friend” who wanted to be his girlfriend but whom he wouldn’t date (even if he was sleeping with her. She was the one who was jealous. She was the one who played games.

She will probably recognise you, but I doubt she’ll be snearing at you. And if her feelings of inadequacy as so great that she does - it need only make a difference to your life if she becomes one of those nightmare neighbours who actually does things. If she’s peeking out the window looking at you gardening “unattractively” what will be going through her mind deep down is “Gardening? [ex-boyfriend] had better not see her gardening. Maybe I can distract him by insisting he helps me clean the car.”

She never looked down on you. She was jealous of you and of what [ex-boyfriend] was prepared to do with you that he wouldn’t with her. She’s likely going to find it much more awkward and disconcerting when she realises she’s moved in next to you than you will. Just get on with living your life well and enjoying yourself.

Alternatively do your gardening in ballgown, long satin gloves and tiara.

As most of us on here do, obviously.