To think most women tolerate sex to keep their relationships

[penelopepitstopsgain]

I don't doubt there are many women, who enjoy the physical side of their relationships but I've spoken to so many who would rather just have a cuddle and a good book but submit, for want of a better word, to their partner for fear they'll stray or see it as their obligation- even I find that sometimes I really can't be bothered and lie to my partner that its my time of the month just to get some peace. I can see as I get older that I'd rather just have a companion rather than the constant pressure of sex - so am I alone in thinking this or just incredibly cynical or even possibly asexual? Vote
Yes = You're cynical
No = I can relate

Or @SpaceCadet4000 you could accept that as these polls are antonymous and people have no reason to lie, there are simply a fairly even number of women who have satisfied and unsatisfied relationships with sex.
Confirmation bias also works both ways remember so any bias could apply to your point of view too.

anonymous not antonymous

@stillathing it’s crazy isn’t it .
We’ve been together for 15 years this year and 9 of that i was feeling about as sexual as a tea towel and my dh was convinced I didn’t want to be with him anymore

Age plays a big part. Past menopause couldn’t care less.

As I said upthread, I hear a lot of peri menopausal women say they are no longer interested in sex, but have it for their partners. I am in an online support group, it gets talked about all the time.
There can be an assumption that someone is either interested in sex or not interested, when in reality it can vary throughout your life.

I never have sex to keep DH happy and been married 23 years. We have a great sex life thanks very much!

I hated sex with exh as it wasn't very good

^^
Yes me too!

My DH and I are ridiculously mismatched sex drive wise. He would be doing it more than once a day if he could. I on the other hand could quite happily never have sex ever again.

It's not that I don't love him, I love him ridiculously. I just don't want to have sex. With anyone. I know it causes him major frustration and I do feel guilty, but I can't help it.

I sometimes wonder whether there is something wrong with me 🤷‍♀️

I have mostly only tolerated relationships so I can have regular sex
I hear you, I mostly only tolerated men because I wanted sex, now post meno I'm not really bothered so no need to tolerate them at all
that's true liberation:o

I like sex, yes, but while my ex started off ok, it became a chore and put me off. He wanted me to tell him what I liked, so I did. Only for him to twist things a little to what he wanted to do. Which meant I wasn't getting what I liked and he'd blame me for "never being happy whatever I do". I mean, I tried and did things that he wanted, but he'd not reciprocate, it was always not quite what I'd said I liked, so sex became unsatisfactory, and I'd be blamed.

I might start dating soon, and I won't be putting up with crap sex. My ex was the only person I've ever slept with, but I'm not letting that stop me.

So I think OP is BU in a way. Some women may settle, but I wouldn't say most are.

@Gemm83 I hope this thread shows that there's nothing wrong with you and you are not alone .. there's a tendency to diagnose and label everything .. I've even done it in the opening post by suggesting I might be asexual for feeling as I do even though my partner thinks I have a high sex drive! I counter that now by saying perhaps it's perfectly normal to not want sex .. i.e you can grow into and out of your desire just like your taste in many things

I think sex is very important in a relationship. I was with ex for 12 years and we never done it as he was like my best friend. It was sad as he was a great person but I just didn’t see him in the way I would have needed to in order to have sex. I stayed for so long as I tried to kid myself arc wasn’t important.

I decided at 30 that I couldn’t live like that for the rest of my life. A sexless life.

I left. Found someone else and years later the second is still great.

Sex is still great I mean

it is true women are not as sexually driven as men
I'm not so sure about that, but I understand why people would make that argument.

However.... if I had been say mid 50’s I perhaps would have viewed it differently.

I find this sad.

I LOVE sex. I have a very high sex drive and cant imagine doing it out of a sense of duty or obligation.
Sex is important for me, not just for pleasure but also as a way of feeling emotionally close to my H

@ Wearywithteens some very good points

I'd love to have great sex again but I don't think it will happen with a man with whom I have a domestic partnership.

Nope, I love sex and have an active sex life. I feel sorry for you though, and the reams of sexless women on MN. I think "sexless" really sums up MN for me.

What a load of bullshit

A thought, and probably a question for the feminist board but if these results are replicated nationally and c50% of women are having sex somewhat reluctantly, what does that say about how far we have progressed ?

I've been with mine for 18 years. I still enjoy sex with him. He has a low sex drive, but I dont hassle him.

Depends on your age, I’d say. Pre menopause I couldn’t get enough. Post menopause, I’m in the good book and cup of tea camp. Loss of libido is depressingly common as you get older.

I think "sexless" really sums up MN for me

I totally agree. It seems like wanting sex or wanting a varied and interesting sex life is taboo on here. Where literally everyone would "rather have a cup of tea". I'd rather lick my tea off Jason Momoa thanks!