To think most women tolerate sex to keep their relationships

[penelopepitstopsgain]

I don't doubt there are many women, who enjoy the physical side of their relationships but I've spoken to so many who would rather just have a cuddle and a good book but submit, for want of a better word, to their partner for fear they'll stray or see it as their obligation- even I find that sometimes I really can't be bothered and lie to my partner that its my time of the month just to get some peace. I can see as I get older that I'd rather just have a companion rather than the constant pressure of sex - so am I alone in thinking this or just incredibly cynical or even possibly asexual? Vote
Yes = You're cynical
No = I can relate

@Easylifer I’m in the same age group and have exactly the opposite experience. . You say you don’t want to shag your dps, do you want to shag other men (even if you don’t act on it)?

OP sex with a prostitute isn’t the same thing, to my mind, at all. Just as women don’t commit violent crimes in the same numbers as men, or sexual assaults, I sincerely doubt many. Would want to pay someone to be intimate with them.

Do I relate - NO

Yes we all fancy hot men on the tv and if we go out for dinner we might all notice a fit young waiter but obviously we are never going to meet them or cop off with them!

Yeah. If some ridiculously hot twenty something actor is going to come round the house, I’m up for it.

But I think a meteor strike is more likely.

Meant to say, anyone interested in this more widely read 'mating in captivity' by Esther Perel. Really interesting.

"I do think orgasm potential may inherently vary among women and that this could be a big driver in how frequently sexual relations are desired in a long term relationship."

I'm glad you've said this.
One of the most heartening things I ever read was in Shere Hite's book, The Hite Report, where a poll showed that 70% of women had trouble orgasming from PIV sex. I thought there was something actually wrong with me up til that point, and then realised that there wasn't, as such, it just didn't always do it for me. Much less than 64% of the time, actually - and now, almost never. What's worse is I can't even always bring myself off, which is really shit! Dysfunctional body. Certainly it affects my interest in sex, and I do truly fall into the camp who can't be arsed with it, not with DH or with anyone else. Even if someone I think is very attractive were to turn up on my doorstep, I doubt I'd be sexually interested in them! (Never going to get the opportunity to put that to the test, of course!)

I remember being in a hotel room with DH once, and there was a girl somewhere in a nearby room (or a room with connected plumbing or something) and I could hear her having a GREAT time, about every half hour or so, for half the night. Good for her! Never happened for me, EVER. So yes, I agree with you - I think that does make a big difference.

It’s interest in sex that’s gone for me. It’s got nothing to do with who it’s with. I see utterly gorgeous men sometimes and think “Oh, look at you! You’re beautiful” but it’s not sexual, it’s aesthetic.

I’m bloody glad I’m not young now when it seems that all body hair has to be gone and all kinds of weird and (not so) wonderful things seem to be demanded or at least desired. There are distinct advantages to being old!

That's the point though isn't it Teresajune "I think the elephant in the room these days is that we are just creatures like any other and hormones rule. There is always the exception to the rule, but women naturally become less interested in sex as they hit the menopause because nature makes it so".

But, and correct me if I'm wrong, but are we not the only species that have sex for entitled 'fun' not to simply pro-create? I.e. The females of every other species are only pursued for intercourse when they are ovulating and for some, that's only once a year!

I don’t think all older women DO become less interested in sex.

Listened to an interesting radio programme about libidos and what is ‘normal’

One of the health professionals said that when tested, men and women, it wasn’t lack of hormone levels as the main reason, but a combination of emotional and other issues.

One described lack of libido as like a litmus paper for relationships, as often when in a different relationship libido is different.

And I hope I don’t lose interest in sex, I’m going through the menopause and noticed no change yet!

Although I’m single... sadly I would love more sex and found I have more interest in sex as I get older. Because I’m much more happy in myself and attract sexier men now for some reason. Which was a surprise as a past relationship accused me of having a low libido and asked if I was a lesbian. I realized later he was just crap in bed, emotionally more than anything.

@MrsKoala totally agree. Low libido in women can often be because the relationship isn’t good and / or the man isn’t great in bed and no compromise sexually.

I post quite a bit about this topic if you are interested. My site has a loooong way to go before its ready but I try to put all the best tips and research on female desire in there to help- www.desiredstate.org.uk

Completely agree with the OP. I don't insult my husband's intelligence by making up excuses. I feel bad for him, I used to be rampant in the bedroom department. I'm 48 now, and I just don't want to have sex. I don't see why that needs to be pathologised, or judged. I've told my husband he can have sex with someone else if he wants, but hesays he just wants me. His choice, I guess.

I must be in the minority then
Me and DP have an active sex life that we’re both more than happy with (to my knowledge haha) but also do enjoy just having a cuddle sometimes....if I didn’t want to have sex with DP I wouldn’t force myself but I’d probably be a little concerned if neither of us particularly wanted to have sex with the other but that’s probably just because of how our relationship is.

Yes it can be because of relationship issues, but peri menopause is fluctuations in hormones and these have a physical impact. In some women it does impact on libido.
Ageing has impacts. Just as a lot of older men need viagra to get it up, lots of older women do lose interest, at least for a bit.

I wrote a post in relationships about this a while ago. I have been with dh 15 years and married for 7 and I would happily never have sex again! I love him with all my heart and we get on amazingly, have two lovely kids but I don’t enjoy sex and haven’t since my oldest was born.

It’s not him it’s me but because I love him and want to stay married I have sex with him a few times a month and pretend to enjoy it, he moans that we don’t do it enough but I’m not doing it anymore than that. In all honesty I would rather have a cuddle or read my book.

I never sustained a sex life in a relationship. I thought I just went off the man because I fancied other people. I now know that because of certain experiences as a child/teenager I couldn’t associate sex with a stable relationship. I have been single for a number of years and the issue that puts me off being in a relationship is the thought of sex. I just don’t want to go there, ever again.

I’m in my early 30s and can honestly say I’ve never wanted to have sex more then now. A little dip when I had a baby but back on form. I think I want it more then my partner but I would never pressure him or make him feel like he’s not good enough if he’s not up for it

May I also add that I've been married almost 40 years. I still fancy the socks off the husband, which is why I was worried when my libido suddenly went puff.
Further though, when you consider basic human biology, a woman can only carry one pregnancy per nine months, whereas a man can impregnate different females as many times as he can ejaculate.
Makes you think about the basic difference between males and females libido's.
Consider further that most women lose their desire during menopause and most men's libido drops at around that age too.
Your body's way if telling you that your pregnancy days are over, therefore you don't need to have sex any more to procreate.
Whereas when you're young and fertile, you have a high sex drive, pre pregnancy it's even higher.
Humans are the only species who have sex for pleasure.
Hope my musings make sense. 🤔

I can't relate to that, I bloody love sex.
Unfortunately my husband has slipped in to old age early and is more than happy with a brew and a cuddle and I miss it SO much.

Unfortuately my sex drive switched off completely after the menopause and it is a part of life I really miss. I enjoyed sex immensely when young and it is difficult for my lovely partner to understand the change. I literally have to grit my teeth sometimes now, not that I make this obvious to him and he would never pressure me anyway. I just find it terribly sad that when women no longer have to worry about unwanted pregnancies our hormones say "no more".

There are plenty of women who enjoy good sex with a man who is interesting, interested in them and who knows how to stimulate them both inside and outside the bedroom

My ex-wife hated sex and finally asked me: "Can't you get over that sort of thing" effectively telling me that "the shop was shut". Since I am a gentle man and a gentleman I accepted that, but I was very angry inside and I fumed for years.

Because there was no physical intimacy the mental intimacy reduced to almost nothing, and we finally divorced - directly because there was no sex.

After the divorce I had affairs with lovers who enjoyed sex, and re-assured me of my skills in the bedroom.

I now have a permanent relationship with an older woman who loves the physical side of our life together

Probably one of the better reasons for living together before committing to a relationship and starting a family !

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