To of told a lie to not collect her kids

[Guiltybutstuck]

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

I have a period that is so heavy it impacts my decisions and activities like this, but I would have still said yes. Having to take your child to the hospital is so scary and that is without worrying about what to do with your other children. It’s not the same as someone wanting to have a date night or even needing substitute child care because their normal care during work fell through.

I don’t think you were unreasonable but maybe you were unkind.

Sorry OP, I understand it’s a tricky one for you and doesn’t sound like you’re having the best of days, but it would have been the kind and supportive thing to do on this occasion. Whatever happened to “It takes a Village”

I’ve lied before to a friend about collecting her child, but it was getting ridiculous. She was asking me multiple times a month for silly things like being too tired to do the school run as her 3 year old had a bad night, or because she was potty training her 3 year old and also because she didn’t want to leave the oven on She was taking the piss, but i’ve always helped her out when she’s had a genuine reason.

It’s so hard being a parent, sometimes. I really don’t feel us parents give each other enough support.

I'd have picked them up. You're doing the journey anyway, so having a couple of extra kids would not have impacted any further on your period! (If it's that heavy I'd have told my DH to pick them up though). Also, making pancakes go further is very easy, just add a bit more milk and maybe another egg.

Lame excuses, the kids could all have pancakes and you and OH sandwiches, it is an emergency situation.

"but maybe you were unkind."

So if people think that Op was asked as a last resort-what does that say about others who were asked first??

Say no if you need to OP but remember how hard you found it last year... why would you wish that on anyone else if you can manage not to.

The kids will not care about the state of the house or whether you need the toilet. Tell them they'll need to carry their own bags (they'll manage!) sit them down in front of the TV and give them all chips and beans (or whatever for dinner). Keep the batter for tomorrow night it will be fine in the fridge but meet need another stir.

I was in exactly the same situation as this mum a few years ago having to race DS to hospital for chest x-rays. The person I'd normally have asked was abroad and the first couple I asked couldn't do it. Person number 3 took dd home fed her and kept her until about 8pm when I was able to pick her up. They'd even managed to get her to do her homework! I've never forgotten their kindness. She was in the same class and friendly with their daughter but I didn't really know them well having only met them at birthday parties.

All of that said, you do sound pretty ill so only do it if you feel up to it. I hope you feel better soon ... be kind but don't forget that sometimes, you need to be kind to yourself too

The bit I don't get in your list of excuses is the worrying about the heavy period one minute yet offering to take the kids to the park for half an hour.

Pancakes and hoovering? Pathetic.

Husband wfh . I imagine your own kids make some noise when they get in so then you sit them down in front of a DVD to keep them quiet while daddy is working, just like most people do.

The thread has gone like this....

Op: .....AIBU?

YABU

Op: But I am really ill you don’t understand!

YABU still

Op: but nobody helped me last year

YABU STILL

Op: BUT But but.....

YABU Op and you know it but what’s done is done and like a pp said, tomorrow is a new day so just let go of the guilt and move on

I was going to say yabu until I read about your period being heavy I suffer with this too and it's horrible so for that reason I don't think yabu.

Had you posted this in chat most would have agreed with you.
I hope your periods improve soon OP, I remember how debilitating it was and having to walk to school, it really takes it out of you and at times i struggled to care for my own kids, let alone someone else's.
That's also coming from someone who volunteered amongst my dc friends to have them on sick/snow/ inset days.

Surely your DH can go pick up the kids in the car (or drive you to school) if you are so poorly?

I have been there with the bleeding too (I had an endometrial ablation which was life-changing) and I agree, the park would surely be more stressful for you than heading straight home .

The kids can have pasta or something and a small pancake for dessert, followed by a movie to keep them quiet.

It's really a non-excuse, and I would hope for more help than you have offered in that position.

I am really surprised you said No to be honest. I would have helped without question. None of the reasons you have given seem significant and in the situation helping her would have been the kind thing to do.

I think YABU, but it’s done now.

So why the post here? If you don’t think your being unreasonable.... or you know you’ve been unreasonable but hoping people tell you that you’re not? Didn’t go according to plan I guess Op. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t know why you are asking either. You’ve decided you can’t manage to do it and have told her you can’t do it.

Most people would have told the dc they couldn’t ‘strip off’ and to behave themselves o; the way home. Given the visitor kids the adults share of the pancakes and told the kids they had to be quite during the professional phone calls.

would it not be far harder going to the park for half an hour rather than just having them at yours and plonking them in front of the Tv?
At home you have access to your loo / can just lie on the sette

Jeez, so much for reaching out to people when you need help.

If she had anyone closer to you to ask, she would have.

So if people think that Op was asked as a last resort-what does that say about others who were asked first?? Well that makes them shits also then doesn’t it 🤷🏻‍♀️

As a parent if someone asked you if you could possibly pick up a child as they had to take another child to hospital, you’d have to be made of stone to say know.

If op had reasons like having to head off to work but she says she said no as she has a period and the 1 extra coat to carry home would of been a struggle. Also she couldn’t make pancake mix stretch 😂

Hopefully one day when you need a bit of parent help, people won’t be willing to help you either...

YABU

OP, if you are truly this sick and weak, surely your partner, who is working at home, could take a 15 minute afternoon break and go in his car to pick them all up? Save you going when you are this ill? I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, I think your partner is. Unless he needs to be on the phone for 8 hours straight with no break, he could be doing more for you.

So if people think that Op was asked as a last resort-what does that say about others who were asked first??

Who is to say she does have other people to ask? How many times have you seen on here where people do not have family/friends near by.

I’d have said yes. She must have been really desperate and it was a serious situation. Your reasons for saying no weren’t really enough (kids don’t need you to Hoover the house? You can tell them they need to hold their own coats etc and just make them something else for dinner). I wouldn’t have been able to say no, given the severity of the situatioz

So all of you saying “I would have helped, absolutely I would, no question” OP said there was very minimal information in the request and this woman is just someone she speaks to at the gate; she barely knows her or the kids really .

You wouldn’t be wondering (bearing in mind you barely know them) how long you’d be having them? Whether this might end up being overnight and therefore where they’ll sleep? What about clothes for them? Contact details for their parents and another contact bearing in mind that hospitals are notorious for having shit signal? What ward they’re on in case you need to contact her? Some sort of clue about what the plan is? And is she going to ask me to help again tomorrow?

I’m not being confrontational - I do know how that all reads! But I’m genuinely not - i’m just interested because all these things would go through my head really quickly and I’d feel really uncomfortable having the kids of someone who is essentially a stranger without a hell of a lot more information. And in the reverse scenario, nor would I put a relative stranger in that position. Do other people’s brains not work like this??

For a sibling/cousin/friend - absolutely. Bring them round and it’ll all get sorted as we bumble along. But I know them, that’s completely different.

I think I would have helped, but with an assurance from her about latest pick up time. I've helped other mum's before, particularly a single mum, who I didn't know that well as I know how I would feel to have no support (luckily I do).

I don't see why you can't go to the toilet with two extra kids there - what do you do with your own kids while you go?

She might have been grateful if you'd said you could have them until 6pm if someone else could take them then.

Another agreeing here that your reasons/excuses are all rather lame. I've also had extreme bleeding (that's now been treated) so I understand the exhaustion but if someone messaged me like that I would assume she had already tried her usual network and was really desperate and I would do whatever I could to help out in this emergency.

Everyone has already given you workarounds for the bags/food/quiet situation so I won't go over those again but YABU and unhelpful. Poor woman must be so stressed. I hope she finds someone more understanding so she can get her baby the help and treatment it needs ASAP.