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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
Deelish75 · 25/02/2020 14:32

I don't normally like thinks sprung up on me and I like to be able to plan for things but no way would I have left this women in the lurch like that.

I also suffer from heavy periods so I know what it like to have to dash to the bathroom and be worried about leaking.

Guacamole · 25/02/2020 14:32

I would have helped. She had clearly asked because she is desperate.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:33

I have been kind many times. I had another child from the school gates whilst her mum gives birth. My periods are severe! Enough that I might need to have hysterectomy done if we can't find a solution. It was affecting my heart rate and oxygen levels. You have no idea how poorly I have been. I ideally need to stay near a bathroom today but I've put two pads on and I've taken transexamic acid to try and slow it down enough to get the kids!

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/02/2020 14:33

Thanks missmouse..

quicknamechange80 · 25/02/2020 14:34

Sorry op but I would have helped out without hesitation, I say that as someone who is a chronic illness and some days can barely move.
Don't say you wish you could have done more, if you wanted to you could have.
Having said that what's done is done, so no sense in beating yourself up.

Stumpedasatree · 25/02/2020 14:34

I would have gone out of my way to help, but that is me. Pancakes and hoovering don't really feature.

Invisimamma · 25/02/2020 14:34

I would've done it in this situation, her baby needs hospital treatment. You're worried about pancakes and hoovering Hmm.

If your period is that heavy that you're worried about the school run then how can you take them to the park for half an hour? (I've had surgery for heavy periods so I do understand).

Remember this next time you need help with something.

Your husband working from home. Is tricky but maybe he could take his calls from the car or something.

ChainsawBear · 25/02/2020 14:35

So in other words you aren't the slightest bit interested in hearing if YABU, you just posted here to hear you weren't?

Your excuses were pretty thin (pancakes and hoovering?!) and now that you haven't had the soothing ego massage you expected we're getting a massive dripfeed about how you can barely walk yourself?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 25/02/2020 14:35

If you thought your reasons were reasonable you'd have told the truth (and said you were unwell if you didn't want to give full details). You lied because you knew that the spiel you've given here about kids throwing their bags around and your husband's conference calls are really shit reasons not to help someone who's desperate.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/02/2020 14:36

They’re kids, they don’t care if your house needs a Hoover or if you have to use the loo! As for their bags you could have told them to carry their own stuff on the way home.
I wouldn’t hesitate to help as I know how shit it is to have a child in hospital and have very limited acquaintances I could ask to help me with my others. She’s probably desperate!

This ^ .

Even if I actively disliked someone I couldn't have brought myself to refuse to help in a situation like this. That poor woman must have been worried sick about her baby.

Yes - not your responsibility, except that morally perhaps it is. A simple act of kindness to another person. You could have given yours and your DH's pancakes to the children (you're grown-ups, you'd have survived it).

I hope that you are never in that position yourself - it must be dreadful!

loobyloo1234 · 25/02/2020 14:36

You have no idea how poorly I have been

These weren't the reasons you gave though OP. You mentioned hoovering and not having enough mixture for pancakes? I think you know YWBU anyway. But there isn't much you can do now

Always think kindness is a cycle though - you get out what you put in. Always worth remembering

Flufferbum · 25/02/2020 14:36

I believe in Karma, and though you haven’t done anything I do think you could have done something lovely which you chose not to do. Which is absolutely fine. But even with all you have said it wouldn’t have hurt to do her a favour whilst she’s taking her child to hospital (which must mean something is pretty wrong) sorry OP. I would have helped the woman. YABSU

Whoops75 · 25/02/2020 14:36

You have an excuse for everything!
But, there are ways around everything too.

You could put on the TV during dh phone calls. You could tell the parent the children need to be picked up before 7pm.

quicknamechange80 · 25/02/2020 14:36

Incidentally before my hysterectomy I bled as you describe, the supermarket was torture, guessing how long the acid would work for, whether or not I'd bleed in the car.....I do understand.
But I'd still have helped no question.

Regardless push for that hysterectomy, mine ended up being performed emergently after my late c section but was one the cards anyway It's changed my life not bleeding everyday.

AriadnesFilament · 25/02/2020 14:38

My husband works from home too. 2 extra kids in the house would mean he’d have to stop working and then he wouldn’t get paid. So in my circumstances doing this for her wouldn’t be an easy ask.

If I’d been able to speak to her on the phone and knew that someone would be collecting them by a reasonable time then I’d do my absolute best to help, but with minimal details and no clue what the plans are for them I’d be saying no. I would have tried to call her before texting to say no though.

And whether she’s a single parent or has a partner would have been a factor in my decision too.

Firsttimelottie · 25/02/2020 14:39

I think YABU too. It's one evening.

You might need her help in return one day?

Bluetrews25 · 25/02/2020 14:40

She will be a friend for life if you text her back right now and say you have changed your plans and can now pick them up.
You might need her to get your DCs one day.
Sure, it's going to be complicated, but life works better when people help.

justasking111 · 25/02/2020 14:41

I would have helped out, sorry OP. And I hate last minute plans.

KindnessCrusader · 25/02/2020 14:41

If you take them to the park wouldn't it be just as easy to take them home?

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:41

@Flufferbum well my karma was my son was in hospital last year and I had no help really so I stayed home with my eldest at night and I went over to the hospital in the day. Nobody was free to help me. They had their own kids and jobs etc. That said in a desperate emergency my dad would of come out of work. We managed. So maybe I got my karma last year. If we need help my partner goes or I go. We don't have anyone else to ask apart from my best friend. I've also had her son many times. Despite what you think I usually can and do help.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/02/2020 14:42

I'm not entirely sure why you started this thread op

Littlejayx · 25/02/2020 14:42

Honestly I’ve been in the situation when I’ve had nobody to ask and there’s nothing more stressful. Imagine that with a child in hospital Hmm I would offer to help and feed her kids some pancakes and be the one who helped in her time of need

starfishmummy · 25/02/2020 14:43

I would have helped out and the kids would just have to have had a small pancake each or none at all or I would have sent my dh out - and he could have caught up with his work later.

But thats me. I havent been that desperate Mum as I just have one child, but hes been bkue lighted often enough for me to know how Id feel in her shoes.

annamie · 25/02/2020 14:43

YANBU, OP. It sounds like it would have been stressful and I'm sure she would have had other people to call.

3 kids and a toddler and all their paraphernalia sounds like a nightmare. Well done for saying no. It's clear you are a nice person, but in this case the MN mantra 'that doesn't work for me' is very true.

Littlejayx · 25/02/2020 14:43

If it was this simple why make a Mumsnet thread about it 😂

YABU and I think you know it hence the excuses

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