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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
Skierrdery · 25/02/2020 14:24

I would have taken them without question. That's just me though.

Runningonempty84 · 25/02/2020 14:24

Sorry but I think YABU. It really wouldn't have put you out to pick them up (despite the myriad excuses) and she must've been desperate to ask.
In those circs I'd have agreed to help, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to panic about non-issues such as a short walk, hoovering, and pancakes.

EssentialHummus · 25/02/2020 14:24

I don’t think pancakes and hoovering are relevant here. Clearly this lady was desperate. In those circumstances if you can help you do it, even if the kids end up with porridge or jam sandwiches for dinner.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/02/2020 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 25/02/2020 14:25

I don't know why you asked, since you clearly don't think you were unreasonable - well, I do, you wanted to be told it was fine and you don't need to feel guilty. Well, I think you should feel a bit guilty. You could have been kind and you chose not to be.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/02/2020 14:25

English is not my first language. Methinks someone else is a dick here.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 25/02/2020 14:26

I have been here myself. I wish I could do more.

You don't because then you would have done more.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:26

Ok thanks for the replies guys. Got all I need. Smile

OP posts:
ClubfootMaestro · 25/02/2020 14:26

I completely understand why you didn’t want to, it would be inconvenient, but her child is being hospitalised and she was probably desperate, so I’ve voted YABU

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/02/2020 14:26

That was to Arya. But thanks for making me feel stupid for asking a question.

EssentialHummus · 25/02/2020 14:26

drink she meant “have” not “of”

AriadnesFilament · 25/02/2020 14:26

Is she on her own or does she have a partner who would have been on the way home to pick them up from you until someone else could be arranged to take over if necessary?

Either way, the clincher for me is your husband working from home: having two extra kids for an unspecified amount of time (could you potentially have ended up with them overnight??) when he’s working just isn’t doable. If you knew they were being collected at a certain time that’s different, but with an open-ended arrangement and minimal details on a text message rather than a phone conversation I’d have done the same thing.

paperandfireworks · 25/02/2020 14:27

The excuses are lame

Urmasellsavon · 25/02/2020 14:27

Under the doctor 👨‍⚕️
Love it

AryaStarkWolf · 25/02/2020 14:27

Methinks someone else is a dick here.

*I think Grin

Devlesko · 25/02/2020 14:27

YANBU it's not your responsibility and as much as we all like to help out, it isn't always possible.
I know what it's like with heavy periods, especially when they are bad enough for you to be receiving treatment.
Anyone who says they would have taken the kids aren't necessarily in your shoes.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:28

2 weeks ago I couldn't even collect my own kids from school due to being anemic. Believe me I've been struggling alot lately. Yesterday was the first day in ages I have done the school run. I am not just making excuses. My oh does need to work in a quiet environment today. He's on the phone alot.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 25/02/2020 14:28

I like to think I'd have helped the mum if I'd been asked.
Hoovering doesn't matter.
I'd have asked DH if he could possibly look after the toddler while I did the school run.
The boys would have been told to carry their own bags.
Surely it'd be easier just to take them home and stretch out the pancakes rather than taking them to the park where you might not be able to get to a loo if your sanpro needs changing?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/02/2020 14:28

Thanks Essential!
Arya you always make fun of foreigners?

EyeDrops · 25/02/2020 14:28

Sorry, I also think that if you're not close, as you say, she's probably running out of people to ask. I get that you're feeling anxious about a heavy period and it's not ideal with your husband WFH. But she has a sick baby in hospital, and is likely feeling a bit desperate. It would have been kind to help, it could have meant the world to her.

missmouse101 · 25/02/2020 14:28

@DrinkFeckArseGirls, I imagine OP must mean to HAVE told a lie. Then it makes sense instead of twaddle. OP, not really unreasonable imo, but always better to be truthful.

Littlejayx · 25/02/2020 14:29

I would look at if the situation would have been reversed and if this was you asking. Sorry but a little kindness goes a long way

DaanSaaf · 25/02/2020 14:29

Sorry but I think yabu as well. It's a genuine emergency, and the bit about your period and being worried about leaking on the school run can't be true if you'd be ok at the park for half an hour. I live miles from family and I'm so glad I have a couple of school mums I can call on in an emergency.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:30

@BiscuitBarrels exactly. It's impossible to make people understand the situation. What would I have done for them at 7pm when my kids were ready for bed. My partner needs to make proffesional phone calls. My child will go nuts having friends around and naturally kids laugh and make noise. It's just not doable with so little info.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 25/02/2020 14:31

That was to Arya. But thanks for making me feel stupid for asking a question.

Well, I did ask if you were genuinely confused or if you were policing her grammar which happens an awful lot on here. I presumed you were being a grammar nazi, yes, my apologies if that was not that case