To of told a lie to not collect her kids

[Guiltybutstuck]

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

I would have helped (and have done in similar circumstance). YABU but I'm also not sure why you posted.

But thats me.

I'd text her back and say you can do it. Collecting her kids is really not a big deal in the circumstances and she is probably desperate.

YABU, she must of been desperate to ask you and all bar the period your excuses are pretty poor. Just be sure not to ever ask her for a favour.

I think in the circumstances I would have picked them up. She must be extremely stressed taking her child into hospital and trying to find someone to pick up. I’ve helped out other parents and although I’ve not needed it I’d hope one of them would help out if I needed it. Most of my close family and friends would struggle to do school pick up.

So maybe I got my karma last year.

This is self-justifying rubbish!

Here you had an opportunity to do something kind, and you chose not to. Make as many excuses as you like, you chose to think "Well - nobody helped ME!"

Sorry, OP - what you did wasn't nice. It really wasn't nice.

Ignore the guilt tripping, OP.

Im not sure why you are asking??
You felt you were unable to help as you feel unwell why not just say as much?
I feel this woman must have been in a really desperate situation to reach out for help and to be honest i would have just taken the kids-its an emergency situation.
Hopefully someone else will be able to help her and her family.

No, I don't think you are in a position to help right now, you sound sick exhausted, and overwhelmed. Jesus there are some judgy people here.

Just text her back say you've changed your plans and you can now help her if she's still stuck. Simple! You'll feel like you've done a really good thing.

Only you know if you're too ill to help her out, but it doesn't sound like you are if you're able to do a 2 mile round trip to collect your children from school and are planning to come home and make pancakes.

I've been there very recently, had to take one child to A&E and another one needed collected and looked after until I could make other arrangements. It's a horrible feeling as a mother to not be able to be there for both children but your priority obviously has to be the one that is sick. I'm really grateful that everyone rallied round and let me focus on my child who turned out to be much sicker than I realised and ended up in hospital for a prolonged stay, and I didn't have the added stress of worrying about making arrangements for my other child. Seriously, those are the things that matter most in life, not whether you've done the hoovering or if your husband has to make a phone call.

I could see myself in this situation, DH working from home and needing quiet and a messy house with not enough food for extra guests! There is no way I could say no to someone in her position for those reasons however.

I've been in that situation where I had to take my baby to hospital and struggled to find someone to pick my other two up from school and I felt really desperate.

Why are people harassing a woman suffering from a heavy period and leaking? Leave her the fuck alone people!

I wish I could do more

You could, but you're choosing not to.

And you're worried about leakage but are offering to go to the park? This makes no sense at all.

I'm afraid it sounds as if you just didn't want to help someone who needed it.

As for your husband worrying about seeming unproffesional (sic): you can't work from home with young children around, and expect things not to be a bit noisy and chaotic.

You’re feeling crap and can’t be arsed looking after someone else’s kids.
I’d have told a white lie too, don’t worry about it - personally I’d never ask such a favour of someone I don’t even know.

If you haven’t had any previous problems with her or her kids I would have helped. Like others have said she must have been desperate to have asked so I hope she has found someone willing to help her.

I think your excuses are pretty poor tbh but it is your right to say no.

If it was me I'd absolutely dread it but I'd give it a go. You don't have to though. Hopefully she finds someone else.

OP I'm not sure what you wanted from this thread, most people I know (including myself) would have done this for someone. Pancakes, hoovering, coats on prams and needing quiet etc wouldn't have come in to it for me (your health problems I can understand) I would just think wow she must be desperate to ask me and feel sorry for her poor DC in hospital.

But it doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who couldn't help her. We cant always do it.

I think as you don't know them YANBU.
DH and I don't have any help at all, I wouldn't ask someone I don't know. When we have had to do emergency hospital visits, we divide who does what, it is stressful though.

I am going for a blood transfusion for my iron levels soon so you imagine how weak I am.

And yet you dont tell your children to carry their own school bags and they load them all onto you.

Yes I think you should have helped her. When I was in hospital nobody helped either, but that's exactly why I help others now. Sorry op, you've been unkind.

What if she comes back at you and says yes please can you take the kids to the park for half an hour? Then you will stuck at the park unable to do anything about any flooding that may occur. I'd find this more stressful that any of the other reasons you've given.

I'd be mortified if I'd plucked up the courage to ask someone I don't know very well for help and they'd said no. It would take an emergency and absolutely no other option for me to ask what this woman has asked.

But you're not obliged to help someone when they've asked, you shouldn't fell guilty for putting your own needs first.

You've clearly already decided you're not being unreasonable so why ask?
It seems mean to me. You don't need to hoover, you could have given the children the pancakes meant for you and your husband or just cooked something else, you could have said they need to be picked up by 7.
Her baby is sick, you should understand.
However like I said you obviously think you're right so it doesn't matter what anyone says.

Sorry I think you should have helped her out. I understand your reasoning but you just needed to tell the kids to carry their own bags and you could have shared the pancakes. How awful that she's got a child going into hospital and is also worrying about who can collect her other kids from school.

I don't think that yabu & am surprised so many do tbh.

Always women being made to feel guilty for not putting themselves out!

I'm guessing that the kids don't have a father on the scene & she has no family or good friends about?