To of told a lie to not collect her kids

[Guiltybutstuck]

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

I would imagine she was scared for the baby and wanted her oh with her in hospital

That's not the OPs problem. Sometimes when you have more than one kid you split up for a bit to get the others sorted. You don't ring a random you hardly know to take over. I wouldn't and I'll bet most of the people sticking the boot in would either.

Well I’ve had a baby in hospital and I can imagine messaging a mum I see every day on the school run and asking her to scoop up my children if I was scared. Perhaps you’ve never been that scared? Perhaps you are braver or have closer friends? The Mum asked, OP said “no”, the dh did it. Suggesting she could have done that in the first place and drawing the conclusion that it made no odds isn’t logical.

It isn’t unkind to answer an OP, honestly however much she wants you to answer differently.

Well my go to is and has never been a random when my bloke had been around. I wouldn't put on people like that if I didn't have to. Scared or not. I wouldn't even ask a close friend over my bloke. For people even having a go at the OPs husband over the actual dad in question is mind boggling and unnecessary in any situation.

It's just the pity party OP. You don't do yourself any favours with this woe is me attitude. We are all going through some shit. You asked for opinions and expected sympathy to come your way and not the way of a desperate mum with a poorly child. You should have probably kept this situation to yourself. It could have been done, as rough and shit as you may have felt, it could definitely have been done and you would have probably felt alot better about yourself than you do now.

I've tried to be kind, as I know all about heavy bleeding and it's hell. Her saying no isn't the issue, if she really didn't feel up to it. It isn't her responsibility. But the lie was silly; sorry, OP, I think you should have told her that you weren't well enough because of your periods. I think she would have understood and her DH would have gone to pick the kids up.

Some posters seem to be suggesting that the other mum was unreasonable for asking. She wasn't, she was desperate and she didn't press the point by all accounts.

Neither of you were unreasonable in the circumstances. But bringing up pancakes and hoovering plus noise was unnecessary and that's why some posters responded like they did. They did seem like unnecessary attempts at self justification which weren't necessary as you weren't up to doing it. (In those days, I'd do what needed to be done and then have to lie down on the bed.

I hope you get a solution to the bleeding soon, OP.

Have you tried to get the thread deleted and MNHQ have said no? I can't see why it should be taken down quite frankly.

I was among those who asked why you lied about your reasons for feeling unable to help. Would you be able to enlighten us about that?

Sorry @Mittens030869 - I see you talked about the lying too.

Would you be able to enlighten us about that?

I might not tell someone I don’t know that well that I’m having a bad period so in this situation I might say something else just because I’d feel I wanted the other person to understand that I did have a good reason for not helping out. Because I actually would help if I could. It’s possible OPs reason could be similar. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why not just say that you are unwell then? Why tell blatant lies?

@5zeds

That doesn’t make them bullies or need to be attacked and told they are lying/don’t understand/need a cape. What it means is your choice was different to theirs.

That’s a bit rich given how nasty people have been to OP. People are just annoyed when an OP doesn’t take a good kicking lying down.

People are just annoyed when an OP doesn’t take a good kicking lying down.

And OPs are just annoyed people don't agree with them, why ask AIBU if you don't want opinions?

Do you think? I think it’s the OP who’s annoyed and everyone else is like “well I wouldn’t have done that”.

This is one of the most batshit threads I have ever read. The OP has been given a disproportionately hard time.

@5zeds OP’s been called a cow and selfish and unkind and God knows what else.

Others have also picked on the fact that OP has been bullied on this thread.

I don't feel in a position to tell the OP whether she should have helped or not. I just think that when people have made whatever decision they made they should own it and not tell blatant lies. They don't have to provide detailed explanations but I would still like to know why the OP thought lying was ok.

The expression “grammar police” is up there with “ could of” etc in the annoyance stakes! For goodness sake, people say a lot worse on here when they’re giving their opinion! I just think it’s such a basic thing that people should know & should have been taught at school ( should have not should of!) 🙂

@5zeds OP’s been called a cow and selfish and unkind and God knows what else.
I thought OP said you think I’m being a cow and someone agreed??? She made decision a few actually, to prioritise herself and her family, which is what being “selfish” means and she wasn’t kind to this other mum, she lied to her instead which WAS unkind. The words are clear. I don’t see what the problem with that is?
It’s certainly not bullying.

Others have also picked on the fact that OP has been bullied on this thread. and yet more have said she asked and was answered. There’s no plot.

Tbh, it hasn't been all that aggressive compared to other threads I've seen on AIBU. There haven't been any deleted posts, after all. The OP has given as good as she gets, and arguably has been more aggressive than those posters she's accused of bullying.

Possibly calling her selfish wasn't fair, she clearly isn't well with her periods and probably couldn't have coped with the added stress. But the lying was unnecessary and the self justifying (pancakes and hoovering (I mean what do those things matter?) didn't put her in a good light.

There was a lot of sympathy for the other mum as well; it's not a CF thread, as it was an emergency. And it's fair enough for people to say they would have responded differently.

*You don't to have
should be
You don't need to have

HeadachesByTheDozen

Ffs. 🙄

ChickLitLover

I’ve just read through the first few pages again. It’s shocking the number of people who have either dismissed heavy periods as not a good enough reason to not want extra kids to look after, or ignored that reason altogether and pretended that OPs only reasons for not having the kids was because of hoovering and pancakes. They ignored or dismissed the period so they could exaggerate their point that OP was being unreasonable. For those that don’t know, anaemia can also increase anxiety and make you feel overwhelmed... but hey.... OPs just being selfish right ?

I sometimes couldn’t walk to get my kids at that time of the month. Other times I could but I literally come home, put on pyjamas and collapse on the sofa or more often in bed. I could not look after other people’s children, I often haven’t been able to look after my own. Looking after other people’s kids requires a lot more effort especially if you need to keep them quiet because someone else is working from home. But hey, her husband can just work in his car.... wtaf? We both work from home and need access to our computers, laptops, notes, papers etc, we really couldn’t work in the car.

There’s also been piss taking of OPs grammar and spelling and a total lack of understanding that often people who work from home can’t just pop out to get kids or go to the shop whilst telling colleagues they can’t work for an hour or so. All very dismissive of OP and her husbands life.

So many more things I could pick out but I’ll stop there.