AIBU to change DS' birthday when he's too young to decide?

[tempnamechange98765]

DS is 4 and his birthday is Boxing Day. Up until last year his birthday has always been fine, if inconvenient, but last year it really was rubbish that we couldn't do anything special on the day due to nothing being open. We're always at my DParents as we go there Christmas Day and it's not an option to not stay there Christmas Day night (two DCs who go to bed early).

This year just gone the weather was rubbish so we couldn't even go out for a nice walk or play in the garden. Because my DParents get to see him on his birthday it's only fair that we invite ILs too, who although I get along with them, they are a pain. I have a good relationship with my own DParents but they're a bit fussy/controlling on Christmas and his birthday (understandably so I guess as it's at their house!) so it's always been us/them awkwardly hosting ILs. Which was fine when DS was little but as he gets older he doesn't like too much fuss/formality, he only has baby DS so no other children to play with, so on his last birthday he really misbehaved due to being bored/having cabin fever/having had far too many presents and focus just on Christmas Day let alone more on his birthday. I felt sad for him as we couldn't make it special.

In comparison we've just celebrated other DS' first birthday, and although he's too young to care, we were able to do it exactly as we wanted - balloons, a banner and a pile of presents waiting for him when he woke up, and we all went to lunch and softplay. Simple, but lovely, and older DS would've loved that as his own birthday.

Would I be unreasonable to change DS' birthday to a couple of days later, say the 28th of December? We would be at home and all the Christmas presents would be unpacked/put away, everything would be open again so we could go to softplay/lunch/McDonald's/museum/whatever HE wants to do, and we would have control over the day with it being in our house so could make it special, no pressure on him.

Cardiff must have rugby or football matches on Boxing Day. it will have a great atmosphere and be very exciting for a five year old.
I do think that you are mistaken to keep going to your parents for Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Your son is bound to end up stir crazy and desperate for an outside activity. In twenty years time imagine how he might remember stuffy Christmases as a child. Start your own family traditions now. You can still have an extended family meet up on Christmas Day but make Boxing Day a family thing.
You really don't like your in laws do you?

Most kids don't get their birthday as a special day with balloons and all day entertainment though, most of them will spend it at school, and they're therefore used to getting a card and some gifts and then celebrating at a different time.

If you can change sex why can't you change your birthday!

Joking but my birthday is Christmas eve and I celebrate 6 months different- like the queen, in the summer!

Would I be unreasonable to change DS' birthday to a couple of days later, say the 28th of December?

Yes. Years later when he’s old enough to know his date of birth he will resent that you made him wait for his b.day every year. Why should a child be put out because adults don’t want to change their plans?

Just change the date of the celebration. You can do banners, balloons and a pile of presents anywhere on his actual birthday.

For the celebration I would look to the Saturday before schools break up but it doesn’t have to be the same every year. My kids birthdays are out of term time and one is close to Christmas, he had his party with school friends three weeks later we just put the word belated on the invite.

You obviously can't change his actual date of birth but you can choose to celebrate it when & however you like! My son has 2 friends with birthdays in Christmas week & they've both always celebrated on a different day so that it's not as close to Christmas Day & there's plenty of things to do/places to go & people are available for parties etc.

My mum has a late December birthday and it's always awkward to celebrate, so we do something nice on the same date in June.

My friend who has a boxing day baby has always ended christmas on Christmas day, and Boxing day is birthday day and it has worked nicely for many years now BUT it's a royal pain in the arse.
The upside is that the child has never felt their birthday is insignificant or "tacked on".

If you always do christmas at your ILs, you could de-christmas home and then come home on Boxing day to a party house.
The other option is to have the party in summer, outside, with all the friends and bouncy castles you could wish for and celebrate his 1/2 birthday.

If you live in the UK, you can't guarantee the weather whenever your birthday is - mines in the summer and it's either super hot (so not exactly ideal for fun days out for or with kids) or absolutely pissing it down.

Pretty much everything is open on Boxing Day here, maybe not late but certainly during the daytime - if your younger child is too young for things like panto/cinema/bowling then get a baby sitter and just take the birthday boy.

Plenty of children have a birthday on a difficult day with their presents, and then have the birthday party/celebration on a completely differnt day, even summer. It really doesnt matter, You dont change the birtday, just the party. Do what you like whenever you like. I have known adults change the "celebration date"

You can celebrate a birthday anytime you want!

My birthday is 25th so my Mum and Dad always celebrated my birthday on the Sunday before Christmas (except if the Sunday was 24th then I'd have it on 17th) so when I grew up (not sure I have yet) that's continued. I've only had my birthday on the actual date twice, for my 40th and last year. It's never caused me problems ad I always knew what my birth date is but it meant I didn't loose out.

You do what's convenient for your family that's all that matters providing your DS knows how special he is having 2 birthdays, like the Queen!

I'm failing to see the big issue here (and DS's birthday is only just before Christmas).

For DS's birthday:
The weather is still highly likely to be crap.
People are busy doing Christmas things and getting ready.
DS is still in school on the majority of his birthdays, although they are in break-up mode which is quite fun.
Any leisure places not shut down for the winter are in full-on winter wonderland mode.
After Christmas Day he has 51 weeks before his next set of presents.

DH had to miss his first two birthdays as it fell when the whole department comes together from across the country for an annual meeting and social (he has since been able to shift it to January so it doesn't clash anymore)

Stand your ground with family to establish a Boxing Day/ birthday that works for you. Don't get suckered into indefinite routines that you don't appreciate; useful life advice anyway.

Celebrate his birthday on the proper day, parts of the celebration like parties can be on a more convenient day like the rest of the population does anyway.

I did half-birthday gifts for DS in June in the first few years when his needs were changing rapidly. That naturally fizzled when his development settled. I still tend to get him outdoors toys in the spring around his brother's birthday as the range of stock is better and it's the time of year to use them rather than getting something new and unusable for a few months.

His Birthday is when it is
his party celebration day can be whenever you fancy
26th June will stand him in good stead later on

I don’t get why you don’t have xmas /Boxing Day at yours

Invite both gp on 25th

And do something 26th

Panto would have been perfect but if doesn’t like Loud and noises etc then maybe not

But seems to me 99% of places are open on 26th so sure can find a nice place to eat

Open pressies on 26th and celebrate few days later

If you like staying at your parents Christmas day night, then stay. But just before you go, put up a balloon/banners/presents out and then as soon as he walks back in boxing day morning (leave your parents straight after breakfast) then it turns straight into birthday for him!

There are a couple of zoos and wildlife parks and aquariums near me open boxing day, you'll find if you have a proper look there are lots open as parents need their kids to let off some steam!! Another option is shopping centres? They have build a bears, family restaurants, and cinemas in them. There is also bowling?

You have to make some changes to your routine for this to work! You can stay over at your parents on Christmas day night, but you don't have to stay all day! Straight back to yours and straight into birthdays

Thanks everyone for your replies, lots of really useful advice and it's made me realise I probably shouldn't lie about when his birthday is! But I'm definitely planning on a small cinema/food outing just us on the day and then maybe a bigger treat like a day out a few days later, we're lucky that both DH and I are always off work for the whole of the twixmas period.

And yes I think we should start coming home Christmas Day night. Last year I did realise that our Christmases as they have been at my parents need to change, as they've always been very adult based (long, spaced out nibbles, drinks and a later meal, all day present opening). DS was actually good as gold last Christmas Day when it really wasn't catered for kids in hindsight. We want to start making our own traditions.

'Fussy and controlling, as retired people often are'; what a bizarre statement.

Seems very, very extreme to change his birthday over this. You’re denying him the normal opportunity to celebrate his day of birth because it’s inconvenient for you? When you try and explain this to him when he’s older, he will think you were beyond stupid.

My birthday is around Easter, sometimes it was on Easter Day, sometimes it fell during Easter half term, sometimes it was during school etc. Yes it may have been inconvenient for my parents to plan around inconsistent Easter Day and school terms etc but that’s no reason to attempt to change or lie about my birthday

No bluntness, am not recommending full on lying to one's offspring, that would be absurd. More of a 2 birthday year, one 'official' on 26Dec and one celebratory in summer. Like the Queen

angieloumc is it? Everyone I know knows exactly what I mean - retired people can get very set in their ways as they have far too much time to sweat the small stuff.

Anybody can become 'set in their ways' but it doesn't equate to being 'fussy and controlling', nor is it the premise of retired people. Most of the retired people I know don't have 'too much time', they've plenty of things to do.

Having plenty to do and juggling life around work, young children etc are very different things. Retirement frees up a lot more mental space to worry about things that weren't an issue before.

Anyway, my parents are both controlling in their own ways (mainly DM, but she's always been so, it's just gotten worse since retirement). I love them dearly, but it's still difficult to do anything other than go along with what they want when we're staying at their house. They're very accommodating and generous as mentioned and gave up their bedroom for us last Christmas, so I'm not going to give too much push back just because I want my DS' birthday a certain way. As pps have said the solution is to be at our house instead.

If you don't want to change your Christmas arrangements, then I think the panto idea is good. Wake up on Boxing morning, give him cards (I wouldn't bother with presents if he's got loads for Christmas), wish happy birthday etc. Mooch around and play with his new Christmas toys if it's wet; if dry, go for a walk to the park or whatever. Then take him out for lunch somewhere that he likes (take a cake and ask them to bring it out after you've eaten), followed by panto.

Then, in the summer, give him "half birthday" gifts which he can use over the summer, and have his party.

Honestly, if you establish a pattern at this stage, he'll just go with it. Don't set expectations too high, or he'll be disappointed.

It's a no from me. His birthday is when it is