My feed

to access all these features


AIBU to change DS' birthday when he's too young to decide?

309 replies

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 13:14

DS is 4 and his birthday is Boxing Day. Up until last year his birthday has always been fine, if inconvenient, but last year it really was rubbish that we couldn't do anything special on the day due to nothing being open. We're always at my DParents as we go there Christmas Day and it's not an option to not stay there Christmas Day night (two DCs who go to bed early).

This year just gone the weather was rubbish so we couldn't even go out for a nice walk or play in the garden. Because my DParents get to see him on his birthday it's only fair that we invite ILs too, who although I get along with them, they are a pain. I have a good relationship with my own DParents but they're a bit fussy/controlling on Christmas and his birthday (understandably so I guess as it's at their house!) so it's always been us/them awkwardly hosting ILs. Which was fine when DS was little but as he gets older he doesn't like too much fuss/formality, he only has baby DS so no other children to play with, so on his last birthday he really misbehaved due to being bored/having cabin fever/having had far too many presents and focus just on Christmas Day let alone more on his birthday. I felt sad for him as we couldn't make it special.

In comparison we've just celebrated other DS' first birthday, and although he's too young to care, we were able to do it exactly as we wanted - balloons, a banner and a pile of presents waiting for him when he woke up, and we all went to lunch and softplay. Simple, but lovely, and older DS would've loved that as his own birthday.

Would I be unreasonable to change DS' birthday to a couple of days later, say the 28th of December? We would be at home and all the Christmas presents would be unpacked/put away, everything would be open again so we could go to softplay/lunch/McDonald's/museum/whatever HE wants to do, and we would have control over the day with it being in our house so could make it special, no pressure on him.

OP posts:
mastertomsmum · 25/02/2020 14:19

Just 'celebrate' how you want in the 4 weeks before or after but obvs he has to know his birthday in 26 Dec and - if he has a party - it would not ever be then unless it was a family party.

Regarding the one year old waking up to a pile of presents etc. - one year olds only need a family party. In fact 4 is the earliest age any child needs a kids birthday party

Dhalandchips · 25/02/2020 14:21

My dd's birthday is just before Xmas. We acknowledge the day but do the party stuff in March.

Littlebluetruck · 25/02/2020 14:21

And your poor in-laws. Have they just to be ostracised from Christmas and your DS’s birthday forever. How would you feel if your DH decided that now on, Christmas and Boxing Day will be spent at your in law’s home, and your parents aren’t invited.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 25/02/2020 14:21

This is utterly ridiculous. How on earth do you think people born on Christmas Day manage? Or, heaven forbid, people born on February 29th?

Best way to make someone feel special on their birthday? Lie to them, pretend it isn't their birthday when it is, and then make a big song and dance about it on a completely meaningless day.

Skyejuly · 25/02/2020 14:22

My nephew has xmas day birthday. We do a big bbq party in the summer but obviously have not changed his actual birthday lol he knows it's December 25th

yupyupyup09 · 25/02/2020 14:23

What @Littlebluetruck said. With spades on.

Very unfair to the other set of grandparents.

Disfordarkchocolate · 25/02/2020 14:24

When children get old enough to really be excited by Christmas people often start spending the day at home. Starting new traditions etc. Realising that carting a carload of toys about is not fun. Some adults really don't cope with this but families change and routines have to change to.

BigFatLiar · 25/02/2020 14:25

Have a half year party in June. At least then he won't worry that his birthday presents are being counted in with Christmas.

DrManhattan · 25/02/2020 14:26

This is a total wind up. I hope it ends up in the Daily Fail

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 14:28

yupyupyup09 poor in laws indeed! They do see their DGC on Christmas Day (we don't go to my parents until lunchtime), they come over in the morning and stay for an hour. Which is the absolute longest FIL would tolerate it anyway. And the whole issue (other than the bank holiday factor and the weather combination!) is that I feel it's unfair that my DParents see DS on his birthday, so we've HAD to invite the in laws every year.

I'm in Cardiff. I know that none of the play centres/soft plays/swimming pools are open as I looked last year. Yes the cinema is a good option and probably what we'll do, alongside McDonald's or five guys or somewhere else of DS' choosing.

Yes this thread is making me realise what I want really is to be in our own house, with the freedom to do what we want. I suggested we host Christmas this year as my DSis will have a small baby so she may not be at my parents anyway, but DH was adamant he doesn't want to give up on Christmas at my parents yet (they are fussy and controlling, as retired people often are, but very generous, kind and go all out at Christmas for us and the DCs. It's just not the same as being at home is it. I need to be more assertive though).

OP posts:
Littlebluetruck · 25/02/2020 14:31

When children get old enough to really be excited by Christmas people often start spending the day at home


I had lost all interest in Christmas until I had DS. When he was born, we made the decision that Christmas would be spent at our home, and both our families are invited for Christmas dinner - not to spend the entire day.

Because, the way I see it, Christmas is really for the children. Children bring the Christmas magic back. And it would be unfair to remove them from their home for the day (and in this case, the following day too), leaving their eagerly awaited for Christmas presents at home, not played with.

Hannsmum · 25/02/2020 14:33

Hes going to feel more hurt and confused later on when he realises his birthday is a different day!!

Dont make that mistake of changing the day.

Just celebrate it on another day and maybe open presents with him on his real bday!

ElizabethMountbatten · 25/02/2020 14:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

yupyupyup09 · 25/02/2020 14:33

Wow a whole hour on Christmas morning for your in-laws! How generous of you! 😒

Such a shame that the grandparents are t treated equally.

And you are being very unreasonable to change his birthday to suit your preferences. Child will be confused enough with the fact that his paternal grandparents are seen as secondary - please don't put a change of birthday date in it as well. Your birthday is part of your identity! Just throw a summer BBQ instead but make it clear that his actual birthday is Boxing Day

PhoneTwattery · 25/02/2020 14:34

Why is there no voting button when you really, really want one?

Sammy867 · 25/02/2020 14:37

We had a Christmas baby so now we celebrate half birthdays.
Not as a birthday party with presents, but we make sure 25th June or as close as possible we have a garden party, bbq or some summer event to get friends round to make memories as she’d never otherwise get the opportunity to. She knows it’s a party for her, but no one else is told it’s for her birthday; usually just sold as a pre summer holiday get together, sleepover etc. Half the money she gets for her birthday we put away and save until summer and she gets outdoor stuff that’s wasted on a winter baby immediately like new bike or roller skates, summer clothes etc

strawberrylipgloss · 25/02/2020 14:37

Pretending to him that his birthday is a different date won't work once he's in school. There was a display in my kids classrooms with the birthdays of people.

GertiMJN · 25/02/2020 14:39

tempnamechange98765 If you see ILs on Christmas morning and they come to your DP's on boxing day, you must all live fairly close. So I can't see why you can't change things so that the 26th is clearly Ds's birthday?

And of course plan a bigger celebration/party on another day

DuckonaBike · 25/02/2020 14:40

The pantomime suggestion is brilliant! They always do a shout out to anyone who has a birthday if you ask, so it would make him feel really special. You could make that a birthday tradition and invite parents and in laws (they won't even have to talk to each other much, just watch the show!)

FlamingoAndJohn · 25/02/2020 14:41

Have a family celebration on the 26th but a party or whatever later. The problem is that you will find parties hard as others with have plans, so why no arrange to always have his party the first weekend after school starts?

RiftGibbon · 25/02/2020 14:43

I have a relation with a birthday just before Christmas. We send/give presents, and celebrate their birthday separately from Christmas.
Given that Christmas day and Boxing Day fall on different days each year then it's possible that your DSs birthday could fall right by a weekend when nothing is open.
There's no mandatory requirement to do something on the actual birthday day.
My DC was at school on their birthday this year. We celebrated the weekend before, and on the actual day just did cards and a nice meal.

Cherrysherbet · 25/02/2020 14:43

I think you should do what works for you as a family. I’m sure when he’s older, he’ll go back to celebrating on Boxing Day, but if it makes life easier for now, change it to a different day.

You’re not going to cause any damage to him by celebrating a few days later! In fact he’ll be able to have less stressed out parents to play with after all the chaos of Christmas, and I’m sure he will love that! You know your child best, so do what your instinct tells you. I think birthdays over Christmas are the absolutely worst time of year to have them. Two of mine have birthdays Dec and early Jan, and it’s a pain in the arse! If we had one on Boxing Day, I think I’d do the same as you op 💐

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 14:44

yupyupyup09 if you read my post properly you'll see that an hour is all my FIL will tolerate. In fact, they go on about how it's perfect for them as they get out of the house then "by lunchtime, we're done!". Done being, done spending time with family...Last year they could've spent the whole morning as we invited them early and offered to do brunch. No, after about 45 minutes they asked what time we planned on leaving for my parents. "Not for another couple of hours". Right we better get going then, bye. Same on DS' third birthday, FIL said after less than an hour "come on MIL we have to go, I've got work in the morning". It was 3pm.

OP posts:
Solasum · 25/02/2020 14:44

I have a Christmas Day baby. He has been perfectly happy so far with having a birthday tea on Christmas Day, just for parents and whichever other relatives want to come over for just an hour or so and cake, then a party for his friends at some point in January. I have put some of the mounds of presents he received away for later in the year. I think as long as DC get a party if they want one, it doesn’t really matter when it is

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 14:45

They're actually not rested as second rate, but they deserve it, well FIL does, who couldn't give two shits about his grandchildren (he has two others who be never bothers to see). They popped in the day before DS2's birthday to give him presents, it was the first time he'd seen him in two months. And he sat there not speaking to anyone.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.