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AIBU?

AIBU to change DS' birthday when he's too young to decide?

309 replies

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 13:14

DS is 4 and his birthday is Boxing Day. Up until last year his birthday has always been fine, if inconvenient, but last year it really was rubbish that we couldn't do anything special on the day due to nothing being open. We're always at my DParents as we go there Christmas Day and it's not an option to not stay there Christmas Day night (two DCs who go to bed early).

This year just gone the weather was rubbish so we couldn't even go out for a nice walk or play in the garden. Because my DParents get to see him on his birthday it's only fair that we invite ILs too, who although I get along with them, they are a pain. I have a good relationship with my own DParents but they're a bit fussy/controlling on Christmas and his birthday (understandably so I guess as it's at their house!) so it's always been us/them awkwardly hosting ILs. Which was fine when DS was little but as he gets older he doesn't like too much fuss/formality, he only has baby DS so no other children to play with, so on his last birthday he really misbehaved due to being bored/having cabin fever/having had far too many presents and focus just on Christmas Day let alone more on his birthday. I felt sad for him as we couldn't make it special.

In comparison we've just celebrated other DS' first birthday, and although he's too young to care, we were able to do it exactly as we wanted - balloons, a banner and a pile of presents waiting for him when he woke up, and we all went to lunch and softplay. Simple, but lovely, and older DS would've loved that as his own birthday.

Would I be unreasonable to change DS' birthday to a couple of days later, say the 28th of December? We would be at home and all the Christmas presents would be unpacked/put away, everything would be open again so we could go to softplay/lunch/McDonald's/museum/whatever HE wants to do, and we would have control over the day with it being in our house so could make it special, no pressure on him.

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Spied · 25/02/2020 13:49

Don't pretend it's his birthday on a different day. It's just not right.
Have his celebration day any day you like though. Could be weekend before or after Christmas and invite in-laws then to celebrate/see their dgs.
A simple 'happy birthday' and a bit of cake could suffice for the actual day if he's having a party/day out either a few days before or after.

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Quartz2208 · 25/02/2020 13:50

Look having a birthday around Christmas can be difficult to manage but it is what it is. You cannot change or pretend his birthday is a different day (a) because you cant change it and (b) changing it could cause future issues

Now you can change somethings. Just have a minor little celebration of balloons and a couple of presents on the actual day. Tell your inlaws that coming over on his birthday isnt happening and that you are having a big party at the weekend

You are trying to change the one fixed point in all of this - his actual birthdate. Rather than trying to change the things that you can including how you/your inlaws etc handle it.

And yes a quiet day relaxing is fine - many go to school/work/travel on their holiday having a day you can always have as a restful pyjama day isnt as bad as it sounds

As an aside he is 4 bowling/cinema etc are entirely appropriate for him

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RedRec · 25/02/2020 13:50

This is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. Presumably he will be at school next year - how do you think pretending / lying will work then?

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dogmothertoanother · 25/02/2020 13:50

Are you saying you'll be at your parents but pretend it's not his birthday? I doubt the in-laws are going to take this well, assuming it's to avoid having them round too.

Boxing Day is Boxing Day and if the weather is rubbish it is at home Day. I would suggest you get your child used to playing at home ( I mean that in a nice way). Going out everyday is a slippery slop and they get used to it.

Anyway, only way to prevent this is Christmas at home then don't invite anyone on Boxing Day, but you can't have one lot of GP's and not the other.

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pemberleypearl · 25/02/2020 13:52

If it was me - for a quiet day I would let my child pick what they wanted for meals. Have a birthday cake for pudding. Play board games. Open presents from mum and dad. Have a movie night. Play in the garden. Go for a walk. Go to the park. Build a fort. Have simple quality family time.

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Disfordarkchocolate · 25/02/2020 13:53

I would come home on Christmas day evening and have fun at home. Enough friends will be available for a small party. Getting into a set routine every Christmas will eventually cause stress anyway.

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Digitalash · 25/02/2020 13:54

I went to school with a boy whose birthday was christmas day, he got all his presents and stuff a week early on the 18th but he still knew his actual birthday was Christmas, it wasnt confusing for him at all.

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FamBae · 25/02/2020 13:54

Why don't you book a pantomime trip for boxing day and then in laws can buy their own tickets and join you if they want to.

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JustInCaseCakeHappens · 25/02/2020 13:54

We very rarely celebrate kids birthdays on the actual day, we tend to wait for the weekend. You can celebrate when you have.

It would make more sense to give up on his actual birthday and have a "family" mini celebration with cakes, and reserve the full proper day for later on.

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Roozy123 · 25/02/2020 13:55

My bday is Xmas eve and my son's is Xmas day.

We cope just fine.
If I want to take him to do something specifically for his bday- bowling or cinema etc I just do it a couple of days before and say it's an early bday celebration.

No you can't lie to him and tell him his bday is a different day all together but yes you can celebrate it any day you like..
Also.. I don't know where you live that everything is closed on boxing day!?

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GertiMJN · 25/02/2020 13:57

Nope you're still not making sense.

His birthday is December 26th. And whilst I understand the frustration of what you describe, ignoring his birthday and acting as if its on the 28th is plain weird in my book.

I don't understand your attitude of Christmas happens like this and nothing will change it ....

I'd starting planning Christmas taking DS's birthday into account, so you can make his special day special, and have his aprty etc. on a different day

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Notso · 25/02/2020 13:58

I think the problem seems to be not his birthday is on Boxing Day but that you will only go to your parents for Christmas.

There's lots of ways to make a birthday special without going out somewhere, then you can have a day out on another day.
It's always going to be hard if your not at home though.

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TheFairyCaravan · 25/02/2020 13:58

This is such a to do about nothing. It really is.

Why can't you put some balloons and a banner up because it's Boxing Day? Why can't he have a pile of presents, a special day and a fuss made? He absolutely can and it's only you that's stopping you doing that, no one else.

DS2's (23) is Christmas Eve. He's always had a special birthday. He loved having two days of presents because it meant if he wanted a set of Lego he got it all, he didn't have to wait 6 months for it. DS1's Birthday is in December, too, so they usually got something between them for outdoor play in the Summer.

As soon as he goes to school he's going to want a party which you'll probably have in Mid-December or early January anyway

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cooldarkroom · 25/02/2020 13:58

My DD was due to be born on born on Xmas day (actually she was early) we planned to do either a half year bday, which would make it 25 June, or the 22nd April which was her Saints Day.

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marns · 25/02/2020 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TimeMarchesOnNeverEnding · 25/02/2020 13:59

Just come home from your parents Christmas night. They can sleep in the car on the way home. That is possible. Lots of people do it.

Wake up at yours the next day to balloons, a yummy breakfast and some presents. Plan cool things to do at home like family games that you usually wouldn't do in case the weather is rubbish.

Have a birthday party in summer to break up all the presents or have one a few days before or after.

This really isn't as difficult as it seems. I think your ILs are the real issue but the stress of that is coming out as this.

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coconuttelegraph · 25/02/2020 13:59

This is bonkers, I know you say you don't have any experience of having a child at school but you can't have lived your whole life not knowing that you can celebrate your birthday on whatever the day you choose.

You are making a problem where none exists, you can't tell a child his birthday is a different date

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DoloresStormborn · 25/02/2020 13:59

This is one of the weirdest threads I've ever read.

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TheFairyCaravan · 25/02/2020 14:00

Oh, and moving his birthday because you refuse to stop spending Christmas Day at your parents house is selfish.

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Purplelion · 25/02/2020 14:00

This is ridiculous. Just tell him his birthday is the 26th but you have a party etc on a different day.
I work in a school and the registers gives me a notification when it’s a pupils birthday and I say happy birthday when I call their name. The school aren’t going to let him have a false DOB

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Notso · 25/02/2020 14:00

Posted too soon. A friends DC was born on Christmas Day and the morning is birthday and the afternoon Christmas.

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Craigm00rnet · 25/02/2020 14:01

My DSS birthday is 16th Dec. We always had a small tea party on the day and a big party in the garden in the summer for his friends - worked a treat for all of us.

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Elbels · 25/02/2020 14:01

You keep saying that he is still young for certain things and his brother is too young to be a playmate but fundamentally isn't that what happens at each birthday - people get older?

So him not liking certain things like the cinema at 4 may be different at 5 /6 / 7 / 8 etc?

Having a low key cake and chill at home isn't a big problem is it if he has a party with friends on a different day?

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Khione · 25/02/2020 14:01

One possibility would be to have a family tradition that birthdays are always just cards (and a cake at teatime or favourite meal) and the celebration occurs on the following Saturday and follow this for you, your DH and your other DC. Set up traditions for the Saturday that you follow for all birthdays - so perhaps breakfast in bed (all of you in your bed) then presents and then whatever birthday treat is appropriate.

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memememe · 25/02/2020 14:02

loads of things are open on boxing day, the farm, cinema, swimming pools, play centers. restaurants etc. its practically a normal day now. youre making it into a big deal when actually all the reasons you give are not good reasons. and 5 is def old enough for bowling. the actual issue is you want to spend xmas at your parents and would prefer his birthday to be another day as its more convenient to you...

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