Calling people in laws when not married

[rosie991]

Am I the only one who finds this odd?

I keep coming across people in relationships (but not married) who refer to their partners parents, siblings etc as 'mother in law', father in law, sister in law etc.

Surely the meaning of 'in law' mean you are married to said person 'in law?'

Not sure why it bothers me, just confuses me when someone says this

I think it can also avoid that potentially embarrassing conversation if someone talks of my " husband". People make assumptions and I am certainly not going to make someone embarrassed by saying " Oh it's my partner actually, we are not married".
That would be uncivilised.

I am a bit on the fence on this one OP

My son has been engaged to his DP for 3 years now so last Christmas I just got a card to Son and daughter in law as they practically live together as well . They were very pleased with it and Christmas 2022 it MIGHT be legit (planning a small wedding for then).

mother in law = 3 words
partner's mother = 2 words

Someone please explain why one of these is more difficult

I agree, it is weird. Being married does change many small things - nothing smug about. If you cannot get up to pop into the registry office for what could be a 10 minute ceremony, don't call yourself married.

I do this, it's just simpler. I'm hoping they will be my In Laws one day but for now it's just an easier way of saying "my partner's parents".

There seems to be this undercurrent thought amongst posters here who seem to believe that everyone who refers to their boyfriends parents as In Laws, are trying to pass off that they are married and are desperate to pretend to people that they part of some sort of cool club.

I can only speak for myself when I say this, but I mean it wholeheartedly. I refer to my boyfriends mum as my MIL for CONVENIENCE. I actually cringe inside using the words MIL to describe her, for a myriad of reasons, but me and DP have been together for 10 years so it's just bloody easier. It's not because I'm trying to wear any sort of badge or trick people.

I used to call my exes mother my 'de facto MIL' (when in polite company) or more commonly, The Witch' because she was.! Anything else is too much of a mouthful.

I was with my ex for 30 years and had two children so seemed like the best compromise.

You'd hate me. I call my sisters in law my sisters. None of us are married.

My sons grandad isn't my blood relative and has never been maried to anyone in my family.

Who gives a toss? Really?

I refer to my sister's partner of 15 years plus as my brother-in-law. However my sister refers to his parents as Bob's ( not real name) parents or their initials eg S&P. No love lost there

@Likethebattle Before me and DH got married my Mil treated herself to a daft wee ornament that said ‘worlds best mother in law’ I beg to differ!!!!

Jesus. That's embarrassing. My MIL has a copy of 'The Good Granny Handbook'. She evidently hasn't read it.

Because the term 'in law' has transcended it's literal meaning, and has come to mean the family of my partner or husband, or the partner of my sibling.

I’m in the convenient shorthand camp.
I’ve referred to myself as my daughter’s boyfriend’s MIL for a while, since before they got engaged. I think he looked a bit startled the first time he heard it.

Outlaws
I call dp’s family outlaws, we’re not married and pedantic people questioning me why I call them in-laws made me change it to outlaws some time ago. It still requires an explanation but at least it’s amusing.
DP’s brother is not married, so his partner (of 30 years) is “my partner’s brother’s partner” to me. Absolute pain in the arse in a normal conversation. Sister out law is much shorter
Tbh, I’m struggling to find fucks to give about issues like this.

Tbh, I’m struggling to find fucks to give about issues like this.

Haha me too.

I think if the use of the word in laws offends you, you probably have a relatively stress free life with not a huge amount of real problems!

Ooh the pedants will hate me, as I use both interchangeably. Sometimes I will refer to DP’s mum/dad/sister etc; but often I will say “I’m off to the in-law’s this weekend” etc. Depending on how the mood strikes me. To be honest if I had a colleague/acquaintance that I knew it bothered I might go out of my way to refer to my in laws more often, just to piss them off.

I don’t refer to DP as my “husband”, but I don’t correct people if they refer to him as such if it has no bearing on the conversation. I also wouldn’t think someone has “put their foot in it” or offended me if they asked me about my wedding.

As we’re apparently using anecdotes as empirical evidence, however, I will say that using “partner” has been known to confuse as well - my mum used to refer to “My daughter’s partner” a lot at work. She was most confused when a coworker meaningfully presented her with some rainbow cupcakes at the beginning of Pride week one year It didn’t help that DP has a name used by both men and women.

I find it much weirder when people call their PILs “Mum” and “Dad”

I always find it funny that some posters care so much. I don't see what the issue is, especially when there are children who will be calling them Grandma and Grandad.

I suppose it's a bit silly if the relationship is only of short duration, though I haven't seen that much on here.

I know I am being slightly pedantic but DPs mother has referred to me as her daughter in law and introduced me to people as such, ever since I had DS1 eight years ago. I just don't understand what is so difficult or long winded about "my son's partner".

How is it confusing??
Your in a long term relationship, close to your boyfriends family and can't be arsed with using my boyfriends........so call then your in laws.

If we're talking pretty new relationship...well that's different I'd say your jumping the gun 😂

In what way is it easier to say in laws than partner's parents?

Yes. Annoying. Same as people calling their boyfriend of five minutes their partner.

I think if you've been together 20 years but just never got married then it's fine to say in laws, even though technically they aren't, they may as well be.

But it irritates me when very young women talk about their boyfriend's mum as their MIL when she's only been in her life for about a year or something ridiculous.

In what way is it easier to say in laws than partner's parents?

In a fairly obvious way. Try saying:
"We're off to the in-laws" and then "We're off to my partner's parents"

Which trips off the tongue better?

I'm normally a bit of a pedant, but the in-law thing doesn't remotely nother me. We know what people mean. It's shorthand for an obvious relationship.

There seems to be this undercurrent thought amongst posters here who seem to believe that everyone who refers to their boyfriends parents as In Laws, are trying to pass off that they are married and are desperate to pretend to people that they part of some sort of cool club.

I think it goes even deeper- us long term co habiters are desperate for our men to pop the question, but they haven't and we are in long term despair and forever waiting as we haven't quite made the grade.

@ScarlettBlaize she actually believes it despite the fact she’s and overbearing l,narcissistic and selfish nightmare

"I find it much weirder when people call their PILs “Mum” and “Dad”

Yes, I find this weird and feels really really wrong...especially when most of the in laws children hate it.