Calling people in laws when not married

[rosie991]

Am I the only one who finds this odd?

I keep coming across people in relationships (but not married) who refer to their partners parents, siblings etc as 'mother in law', father in law, sister in law etc.

Surely the meaning of 'in law' mean you are married to said person 'in law?'

Not sure why it bothers me, just confuses me when someone says this

Lol, no, I still refer to my one serious ex's parents as my in-laws and we were never married. But I'm still in touch with them and it's a much easier way to explain them to new friends

So, why are you? Think we've all moved on.

It seemed rude not to acknowledge a comment directed at me. Clearly rudeness isn't something that overly concerns you though

I actually say mum in law rather that mother in law, but it isn't a term I use much in everyday life anyway. With my DH, I speak of her as 'your DM', with my DDs, I speak of her as 'Grandma' and with anyone who knows her I speak about her using her first name.

It really is only on forums like this that I speak about her as 'Mil'. It's a shorthand, so I really don't understand why anyone would object. (Yes I know they might say that it's okay because in our case it's what she is, but my point isn't about that, it's simply to say that using an easy shorthand like MIL, FIL, BIL and SIL shouldn't cause raised eyebrows.

And Joe Patel tagged her in a status saying “Can’t believe it! Officially engaged - Jane Patel said yes x”

When I got engaged I was happy to take his name but if it had been something like "Smellie" then I wouldn't have done so.

I have subsequently met a woman who was called Smellie and I assumed she was married to her children's father, Mr Smellie. It turns out they were never married but she actually changed her name by deed poll to Smellie.

I first came across the non-married in-laws thing probably three decades ago. Makes no odds to me.

for those of you in long term relationships, unmarried, do your male partners refer to your parents as inlaws or is this just a female thing?

Nope cos they dead, he never even met them
me and dp been together 14 years, the only thing we dont have is that piece of paper yet i call his parents inlaws out of ease and im too lazy to coin a new word or phrase for couples in our situation

Oh no, Tabby doesn't agree with me and it was already well left there by me.

@Crazyoldmaurice have you got your legal protection in place as I would thank that is "more important" than a new house if he won't marry you yet?

for you Sunshine.

I'm in the same position and am aware being parentless sucks. I shall miss my mother every day and no one could ever take that place, as I'm sure is true for you.

It's true to say I married my husband, not his family, and am grateful every day for having found the ideal life-partner. But for the sake of our DC most of all I can't help but wish my DH came from a family of in-laws like yours!

I never referred to them as my in-laws and I had been with my Oh for 20yrs. I did refer to them as the outlaws but that was for other reasons 😂

@MarieIVanArkleStinks don't get me wrong, my PIL have upset me a lot and done things I will never forget but they have been good grandparents and that is what is important to me. They could have been better parents to me but don't have he emotional intelligence I needed tbh.

I did it out of ease .
Rather than say “my exes mother“ , I’d say “my ex mil”

"So, why are you? Think we've all moved on.

It seemed rude not to acknowledge a comment directed at me. Clearly rudeness isn't something that overly concerns you though"

You were rude to me first. It was your rude comment to me, that I was replying to.

@BilboBercow
I find people who get their knickers in a twist about stuff like this are people who think the fact that they're married sets them above people who aren't

This ! I'm married and agree with you, this is such a 'smug married' thing to get annoyed about

I sometimes refer to my brother's fiancee as 'sister-in-law' because 'brother's fiancee' is a bit long-winded but yes it's probably best to use it for actual in-laws!

My DP sometimes refers to me as "the wife" but only in a jokey way and because he knows I hate it. I always respond with the Pooh stare

We have wills, life insurance and a living together agreement. We are each other's nominated next of kin. The only thing we haven't been able to find a legal way to deal with without marriage or CP is inheritance tax. It's for this reason that we are forming a CP in a couple of weeks. We are able to do this as we are not financially dependant on each other (except for the mortgage which is joint).

If a woman is a SAHP without being married or in a CP then she is in a very vulnerable position and should look to remedy this urgently.

I don't give a toss if someone is married or living together and I couldn't give a damn what term they use to refer to their partner's family.

You were rude to me first. It was your rude comment to me, that I was replying to.

How very school yard.

If you felt my comment was rude then I apologise. Given that you were attempting to defend an explicitly homophobic poster, I think perhaps we just have rather different values.

I don’t find it odd. It’s easier to communicate who they are. And if you’re in a committed relationship, then they are your in laws! Saying it’s only for married couples is completely archaic

Yanbu, I don't understand it either op but I let people crack on as they please. Yes it's technically incorrect and the person they are referring to is really 'partner's mum' etc but then again they're hurting no-one.

I'm engaged and call my fiancé's mum my MIL-to-be or sometimes my future MIL.

"Cohle

You were rude to me first. It was your rude comment to me, that I was replying to.

How very school yard.

If you felt my comment was rude then I apologise. Given that you were attempting to defend an explicitly homophobic poster, I think perhaps we just have rather different values."

How very schoolyard for you too.
I wasnt defending a homophobic poster, because I dont think it was homophobic. The poster clearly stated they thought married relationships were more valid than unmarried. Someone asked do you think the same about gay relationships, and she said yes. Id unmarried gay relationships. She didnt say she thought little of gay relationships full stop, it was the unmarried part that was key. She thought the same about heterosexuals, it had nothing specifically to do with the fact that it's a gay relationship. You constantly saying its homophobic doesnt mean it was homophobic.

.

You constantly saying its homophobic doesnt mean it was homophobic.

The post in question has been deleted by MNHQ.

As I've said, you and I clearly have very different values.

"You constantly saying its homophobic doesnt mean it was homophobic.

The post in question has been deleted by MNHQ.

As I've said, you and I clearly have very different values."

You clearly dont understand it. It's the unmarried part you need to focus on. The poster wasnt saying they didnt like gay relationships. If the person had asked them do you feel the same about unmarried cats, I suspect the answer would have been the same.

Then I also suspect youd have said it was cataphobic!!!

I think it would be weird if you'd been going out 2 months, a proper couple that have been living together for years then while it's not technically correct it's much quicker and more sensible than saying my boyfriend's mum all the time.

It's such a strange thing to get worked up over.

It's far easier referring to my partners brothers partner as my sister in law rather than that big mouthful.