Calling people in laws when not married

[rosie991]

Am I the only one who finds this odd?

I keep coming across people in relationships (but not married) who refer to their partners parents, siblings etc as 'mother in law', father in law, sister in law etc.

Surely the meaning of 'in law' mean you are married to said person 'in law?'

Not sure why it bothers me, just confuses me when someone says this

I find 'outlaws' annoyingly cutesy

I call mine my outlaws. I find it amusing.

It’s just more convenient isn’t it

@FakeFraudSquad tbf though that's a weird and unusual story about two people who aren't even seeing each other, it's not what the OP is referring to. It's people who are actually a couple

"You can’t allege to be one thing and then think other people are weird or smug or get upset when they are confused if they discover you aren’t actually legally that thing."

But in terms of I laws why would you need to know or care about the legal situation under UK law?

It's only the Mental health act that needs to clarify the legal position, every other agency recognises long term cohabitation.

It’s easier than saying ‘my partner’s Mum/Dad’ isn’t it? And if they’ve been together many years they’re as close if not closer than some married couples anyway.

just confuses me when someone says this

What is confusing about it?

YABU. It’s just shorthand.

So much yes, this is such an annoyance to me. And yes I definitely hear this in RL too.

@BilboBercow
You put into words what I couldn't. Like some people think you're not "proper" if not married. I have a cousin who said she wanted to wait to have kids until she's married because, you know because then they're proper 😂. What are my kids then f-ing imaginary. We're together 14 years, I call him mum MIL and he says it about mine, it's easier that saying partners mum. This OP seems to look down on people who aren't married

If they’ve only been together 5 minutes, it would be Weird. However if we are talking about a couple that have been together years they are in laws really aren’t they 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean they will of been in each other lives for years

I think it's OK to call your partner's parents and siblings your in-laws, as it's just easier to say. And especially if you are not married and don't ever intend to be.

Calling your partner your husband when you are not married is very odd though. As a pp said, it does scream 'I wish he would marry me.'

No doubt some people use in-laws because they wish they were. Some for convenience. What annoys me is people who want the same legal protections that a marriage licence brings but don't actually want to get married. Often these same people are ones that dismiss marriage as just a piece of paper, I.e. not that big a deal. Well, obviously it is a huge deal as when you break up after many years you have protections due to the wife and husband status. Live with someone and they decide to fuck off or they die, then nada.

@Coolcucumber2020

Well, in the case of the person I mentioned in my first post, I’d put her name down in an official document wrongly because she’d been calling herself by her boyfriend’s name for years.

I offended someone else when saying she was married to someone who called her his wife.

When discussing weddings etc we’ve put our foot in it sometimes with new friends by asking “did you have your SILs as bridesmaids at your wedding?” or “What did you MIL wear to your wedding?” and then they’ve said “we aren’t married!”. I got a work colleague’s dd a personalised present as a gift with the wrong last name on because despite wearing a ring on her wedding finger, always referring to in laws and “hubs” they weren’t married and she had given her dd her partner’s last name.

So yes, sorry, it does get confusing at times!

I’m not bothered by it (do find it a bit odd), but the explanations that it’s ‘easier’ or ‘less of a mouthful’ make no sense.
My partner’s mum - 4 syllables
My mum in law - 4 syllables
One is not easier than the other.
Also I’m divorced not smug married, so it’s not that.

I call my partners mum my MIL when bringing her up to people that don't know us that well. Its just easier. People assume we're married because we've got two kids together, not sure why that is. We've been together for 10 years, so feel like I've earned the right to refer to her as MIL - - cos of all the shit I've put up with-- even though I'm aware it's more of an official 'title' for when you're married. I feel like having children with her son is more of a tie to her than a piece of paper to be honest.

If you want the traditional 'in laws' get married?? The literal definition is family BY MARRIAGE.

I think it's the other way around - the people so quick to jump on those asking why you'd use particular terms and using words like 'smug' 'pathetic' etc - they are the ones who sound as if they have a problem!

As said above, I can see why 'in laws' is an easier term to use and less clunky - especially when you're referring to more than one person.

But it isn't 'easier' to refer to your partner as your husband. It isn't 'shorter'. And it does mean something completely different. It's not something you would 'sometimes' do at all, it has such specific connotations. Interesting to see this in this day and age and interesting to see how it really hits a nerve.

FWIW, I cannot see why you would not be just as proud and happy to call someone your partner as your husband, if you've made that conscious decision to not make 'matrimony' part of how you set up your family.

I still refer to my late husband's mother as my mother in law even though he died a long time ago and I'm with someone else.....

When people say they find it confusing, could they clarify exactly what the issues they've experienced are?

I'm struggling to think of a situation in day to day life when the exact nature of someone's legal relationship with their partner's family would matter or cause confusion.

It does just come across as thinking being married makes you superior.

I'm usually very big on being clear re the distinctions between marriage and cohabitation and not blurring the terminology, for all kinds of reasons, but this doesn't seem a big deal for me.

My partner and I call each other husband and wife, and call parents our in-laws.
Just seems the handiest thing to call them.

Dp and I have been together for over 25 years. It's easier to say mil than partners mum.

I just think it's a quick way of explaining a relationship. DH's brother and his girl friend aren't married, but I refer to her as SIL as it's easier then saying husband's brothers girlfriend.

*When people say they find it confusing, could they clarify exactly what the issues they've experienced are?

I'm struggling to think of a situation in day to day life when the exact nature of someone's legal relationship with their partner's family would matter or cause confusion.

It does just come across as thinking being married makes you superior.*

Agreed.

Wow you're easily confused OP.