Calling people in laws when not married

[rosie991]

Am I the only one who finds this odd?

I keep coming across people in relationships (but not married) who refer to their partners parents, siblings etc as 'mother in law', father in law, sister in law etc.

Surely the meaning of 'in law' mean you are married to said person 'in law?'

Not sure why it bothers me, just confuses me when someone says this

I can certainly understand people saying in-laws when they're not btw, the term is so much easier and shorter to say than partner's brother's wife or whatever.

'Husband' for partner is freaky!!!

Im too old for a boyfriend, partner doesn't feel right.
Its alot quicker, less complicated and easier to call them in laws.

I do this. I find 'outlaws' annoyingly cutesy, and otherwise it's a mouthful.

It really depends. It's frustrating when people are looking for advice (for example) on splitting and arent clear if it's a dp or dh. Legally the difference between and do and dh is huge. Just looking for general advice, no it doesnt bother me at all.

Especially on a forum. Writing 'Mil' is loads easier than dps mum. And when reading a long OP, I find its easier to read if the relationships are clear

If someone mentions a DP and a MIL. I presume they mean the dps mum. Not that DP is actually a dh

I have never heard anyone in real life call them in laws when not married. I think it’s mostly online I’ve seen it; easier to type I suppose!

But yes, calling someone your husband/wife when not married just screams “I wish we were married” to me.

Having been with DP for almost 14 years, have 2 DC together etc. We're as good as married despite not actually being. (Currently a good reason for not being despite being very aware of the awkward position I could potentially find myself in) as far as I'm concerned DP's parents are my "in laws". It makes the situation clearer; especially when referring to who is taking care of the DC whilst DP is working abroad & I'm working nights.

It does feel like those who find it weird or "confusing" have some sort of marriage smugness about them

See I’m not married to My partner but we have been together a long time. I call his mum my mother in law to other people as not sure what else to call her.. for some reason I’m not comfortable using her first name. I don’t do it to her face though. She hates it as we aren’t married.

My mum once called my partner who son in law on Facebook and his mum caused a massive fit about it which wasn’t necessary in my opinion.

Does it really matter?

My friend refers to them as her mother- and father- 'out law' LOL

Why would anyone care about this? It's obvious why people do it and perfectly understandable.

I find people who get their knickers in a twist about stuff like this are people who think the fact that they're married sets them above people who aren't

Agree with this. It's sad that some people are so insecure in their own lives that they feel the need to judge others over such insignificant things.

I do this, it's convenient short hand. MIL vs MPM describes the relationship in a way most people are going to understand. 15 years and 2 kids on, I really can't be bothered to make a fuss about it.

I also don't bother correcting people when DP is described as my husband either, unless it's in some kind of official capacity and it might matter.

calling someone your husband/wife when not married just screams “I wish we were married” to me. sorry but what a load of tosh. I was married in my 20's didn't work out. Been with OH now for almost 20 years not married for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with anyone except the 2 of us. We are heading towards 50 there are times I say husband he says wife when referring to one another. There are times when I am referred to Mrs (partners surname) There are times I call his parents In-Laws and there are times when I don't. Why the hell it should really bother anyone else is beyond me

I’ve been with OH for 15 years, 2 kids, mortgage etc and we call each other’s families in laws. I also sometimes refer to him as my husband and he sometimes refers to me as his wife. We are not married, we might get married some day. Don’t think it screams “want to be married”, if it did, one of us would have proposed. It’s just easier sometimes, depending on the situation,

Well...as I’ve said I find it a bit weird and confusing when it’s real life people and if it makes any difference I’m not married or smug about finding it weird and confusing.

I can think of a man who constantly introduced “Sooz” as his wife. “My wife Sooz this”, “My MIL that”.

I introduced “Sooz” to someone as “Sooz, she’s married to Stuart” and Sooz flipped her lid at me and said “FFS you didn’t think we were actually married did you? He’s GAY. We’re just housemates and business partners. Did you think I was stupid?!”

Well. Why wouldn’t I think they were married?! They referred to each other as husband and wife, they lived together, they weren’t seeing anyone else?

You can’t allege to be one thing and then think other people are weird or smug or get upset when they are confused if they discover you aren’t actually legally that thing.

"It does feel like those who find it weird or "confusing" have some sort of marriage smugness about them"

I agree with that. Marriage was once a matter between individuals and families, until religion got involved.

There used to be a recognition of common law and 'living over the brush' etc. The legal status of a wife didn't mean much because women couldn't inherit anyway.

It's up to people how they define and what they call the people who they are connected to.

I’ve done this.

Do you know how long it takes and now poncy it sounds to say ‘DPs sisters husband’ etc?

It’s horrible even having to say the word partner.

So much easier to say in laws and everyone knows who it means.

Same with step mum. I’m not going to go around saying I am a the GF of the father of the daughter....

I’m not married or smug about finding it weird and confusing.

Why would it confuse??

I mean, why would it matter in the slightest if that person was married or not?

A colleague does this. She has been with her bf one year and they don't live together.

Calling his parents her in laws is wishful thinking

Not as weird as I find marriage smugness - 'we're married so I can use words like in-laws but you're inferior to us so you can't'. Pathetic - and what effect does it have on your life or your marriage, OP?

I call my Exes family my Ex in laws or just in laws too. So I don’t think I want to marry him!

calling someone your husband/wife when not married just screams “I wish we were married” to me

If you are living with and have kids with someone, then it’s not odd at all.

It is a bit odd if you’ve just been dating a few months I agree!

I call my son's partner my DIL. They have been together for 8 years and have a son. They may not be married, but fall intents and purposes she is my DIL.

I do use SIL to refer to my brother's partner (been together over 10 years) even though they aren't married

My I also call DH's BIL my BIL (he's married to my DH's sister) - but I called him that before

I call my partners family my in laws. My partner's mum takes it even further and just calls me her daughter.

Odd thing to get worked up about...

I think it's just an easier way of putting it - I've been with my fiancé since I was 16 and I often use that phrase as a way of referring to his family

Surely it's just a convenient way of describing people and their approximate relationship to you? I still describe my ex SIL as my SIL - I could say "my brother's ex wife" or "my niece's mum" but it's easier to say SIL, even though, legally, she is not any more.