Are people who treat their pets as children, when they have living children, a bit odd?

[Namechangeforthehellofit]

I’ll start this thread by saying I’ve NC’d as I think my mother is actually on here, and I’m talking about people who have children who are ALIVE and available to see.

My M is an active member of a dog rescue group, she often holds large fundraising events, and sponsors dogs from foreign countries to be brought over here for a better life.
I have absolutely no issues with this at all, it makes her happy, and I always volunteer my time for the cause when her events are on.

However the group she is on, on FB, is full of bizarre posts when they use strange language such as ‘Hello Hoomins!’ and ‘I wuvs woo’ when posting as their pets, and refer to them as their children, fur babies and ‘dogters’.
They seem to spend all of their time with their animals, and that is fair enough if you don’t have children/grandchildren/other people in your life, however some of these have young children or grandchildren they could be spending time with.

My own mother has had 4 dogs, 3 from the rescue she fundraisers for, and she is guilty of treating her pets as children.

Actually, they’re prioritised and treated better than her two children.
She’s not suffered a loss of a child or had them there as a way of coping about another loss, so no it’s nothing like that, that’s a totally different kettle of fish so I’m not interested in those stories.

2 died recently, a ratty little one who hated everybody except her (not through lack of trying) and a childhood dog who we all felt the loss of.
Now she has gone into a depressed state of mourning.
Weirdly, she didn’t even mourn her own father like this. He’s still in the plastic jar he came back from the crematorium in.

One of the people she knows from the group posted on her wall when her birthday cake around saying how she was sorry she wouldn’t have her babies with her on her special day. I have to say I was a bit confused, as she has two ACTUAL children she would be spending time with in the day.
She has a shrine for the dogs with pictures and candles scattered about, and they sit on a shelf in wooden boxes.
She’s had pretty much every day to see her children and grandchildren, but makes excuses regarding her dogs as to why she cannot go out/meet up/have visitors, come over.
I understand that after a while, pets are seen as part of the family, but to prioritise them above your actual children is baffling to me!
I have a pet and whilst I love him dearly, and would be heartbroken should he die, I wouldn’t choose them over my children.

So, I thought I’d put this out there and add a poll, I’m expecting to be slaughtered as I know a great majority of MN are avid animal lovers.

YABU - People who treat their dogs as children, despite having their own, are perfectly normal.
YANBU - People who treat their pets as children, despite having their own, are a bit odd.

@Hester54

Why do I not think parents should be able to opt out of being parents?

AmazingGreats Your parents from being grandparents?

You should definitely not be able to opt out of being a parent. Being a parent sometimes means also being a grandparent. I don't think you should be able to opt out of that either. By "grandparent" I don't mean a 24/7 babysitting service, I mean playing a role in their life. If you choose not to do that then you don't get to be called "parent" or "grandparent" or be in their life.

Also parenting doesn't end the day your child turns 18/ leaves home. Parents need to be a parent to their adult child too, and sometimes adult children have children themselves. Therefore by extension grand-parenting is part of parenting, and both should take priority over a dogs haircut

Obviously that is my opinion, but I believe it is the opinion shared by the general population and therefore people who think that fur baby trumps grand baby would be seen as being part of a minority group, and for want of another term deemed "odd"

AmazingGreats When do Adult children need to fend for themselves and cut the ribbons free,
Playing a role in their life could be visiting once or twice a year, you don’t have to be joined at the hip,
I think the dogs haircut was just an excuse,

AmazingGreats Not odd, just not the same as other people, but those that dress their dogs up, well,

Let's face it treating pets like children,wether or not you have children, is a bit odd

@Hester54

How would you define the word "odd" because I think "not the same as other people" was a pretty good definition actually.

Yes dogs hair cut was an excuse. The fur baby was an excuse not to partake in mine and my children's lives, which is fine. They get to have fur baby, me and my kids get to not feel disappointed by people who will use any excuse to get out of having a relationship with us. They get to opt out. I don't think that people should be able to just opt into dog ownership and out of parenting, but if that's what they want I have no choice to accept that even though I think that it deviates from the expected norms and values of our society, family and culture otherwise and is therefore "odd behaviour."

Um......yes. at least I had the grace to blush when my neighbour saw me gushing at my stone deaf 18 year old cat aren't you a little darling aren't you etc etc. Cat has no idea what I am on about. She can only see my lips moving.

My Aunt had fertility issues so needed IVF in order to have her DD, they definitely went through a lot in order to have a child. For some reason her dogs still come first and always have done, I’ve never understood it . When my cousin was a newborn, she walked into our house holding her dog and my Uncle had the baby and baby bag...

When the dog died she created a shrine to it in her living room and because she gives her dogs human names, people thought she was talking about a person. It was like ‘my Jakey has died’ so she was literally sent bouquets of flowers and condolence cards . She has another dog now and it’s much the same, talks about it as if it’s human and largely seems to ignore my cousin... I can’t quite fathom it.

It does seem excessive but what harm does it do.

It can do a lot of harm. If pet owners view their dog as human and don't train them properly then they can bite, attack or in some cases kill humans.

There is a post about a posters relatives dog in this topic. This dog has bitten several people, enough to draw blood and leave a ragged wounds, including on a toddler. The dog should really have been put down

It's all v safe love ... love at a distance from an animal which gives unconditional and v easy love

It isn't love. Your pet does not love you. It has learnt that it will receive food and shelter if it behaves in a certain way. That does not mean that this learnt behaviour is natural to the dog either

I tell my kids never to trust anyone who doesn't like animals...it really is the hallmark of a psychopath or narcissist.

What nonsense. I agree with @isabellerossignol that cruelty to animals is likely to suggest psychopathic tendencies, but not liking them in the sense of not wanting to be around them, own them, be around other people's pets is simply a morally-neutral taste, like music, or food, or whether you prefer macramé to mountain-biking.

I don't have a pet and don't want one, but I am a strict vegetarian on ethical and environmental grounds, go out with a naturalist group to do some habitat improvement/invasive species clearing for the benefit of wildlife. That is my relationship to animals, not some anthropomorphising furbaby stuff.

I think that behaving as if your pet were human, regardless of whether or not you have children, is deeply strange. When I was a child we used to get a Christmas round robin every year which purported to be from the pet dog of some cousins of my dad, complete with woofs, canine puns, and jolly japes about what 'my humans' had been getting up to all year. I thought it was embarrassing even when I was about eight.

I tell my kids never to trust anyone who doesn't like animals...it really is the hallmark of a psychopath or narcissist

It isn't that people don't like animals. Most people who don't 'own' pets respect animals and wouldn't want to see any animal come to any harm or be mistreated.

It's more likely that they just don't like animals being kept as 'pets' and that those pets are imposed on everyone else in a community. Especially dogs

@Hester54 isn’t that a reflection of your parenting though ?
If you’ve raised kids into adults that you don’t like and you want to “opt out” of being their parent now?
Honestly that’s both shocking to read and really sad.

I never referred to myself as 'mummy' to our dog. It felt a bit weird. But now we have a toddler I do, because it's easier for him to associate me as mummy if I use it consistently in the family, IYSIM?

FizzyIce Yes no doubt, parenting never came naturally, but after many years of disappointment, time and money wasted, holidays wrecked, damage to property, furniture ,cars etc verbal and emotional abuse, I just find my dogs easier, I know I wasn’t a good parent, I was always their for them, never hurt or abused them, I don’t think it was all my fault thou

Dogs do feel love.

www.mic.com/articles/104474/brain-scans-reveal-what-dogs-really-think-of-us

I don’t doubt that @Hester54, sometimes it’s just bloody hard .
As long as you’re happy and your children are happy with the arrangement then it’s no one else’s business

@Namechangeforagamechange I didn't intend to suggest way way back that it was inevitable that you would be like your mother. Her mother's abuse of her left her unable to parent you properly when you were a child and now you are an adult. She can however manage the far more controllable relationship with a dog. That isn't to say that she wouldn't turn on the dog as well, should circumstances change.
That you have been able to manage relationships better than she has is testament to you having somehow, somewhere been shown a better way. Possibly even the relationship with your sister.

It's very sad for all involved when people can't manage good relationships.

I only buy toys for my dog as an aid to exercise and to combat boredom. I don't get her 'presents' but other family members do.
I don't dress her up.
For the first 3 years she slept in the kitchen and then we moved house and the door rattled and she barked so she ended up on our bed.
I hate her in the bedroom but my husband adores the dog(that he never wanted) and spoils her.
She has the whole car boot when we travel and the luggage goes on the back seat, this really annoys me as she has a perfectly good seat belt for the back seat.
Our dc think we're ridiculous with her, they're probably right. My dgs calls her his sister.

My dd has specifically said the dog must not come to her wedding, she's only half joking!

I'm with you OP. It's not so much that people treat their pets (dogs) like children - they can do what they like in their own homes, and you can love who you like.

But it's when the rest of us have to put up with them everywhere else "because they're family".

Does anyone go round saying their pet guinea pig is "family"? Why only dogs?

While I detest the word furbaby, my little dog is treated like my baby. We got her, in part, because I wanted a third baby, but when DH and I looked at the logistics: finances, house, car, our ages, we mutually decided that our 2 healthy, lovely dcs were enough. I was fine with it, but still broody, so we got a puppy😁 She has truly completed us, and as I work from home, she is my constant companion. I admit I treat her like a baby and she's ridiculously spoiled, and sometimes I do prefer her to my stroppy almost teenagers, but I would never regard her as one of the kids, or want to take attention away from my human babies.

I tell my kids never to trust anyone who doesn't like animals...it really is the hallmark of a psychopath or narcissist

Such a load of nonsense. I'm not sure having a pet is always so great for the animal either. I bet wild rabbits have a nicer life than the ones stuck in cages, for example. Not sure that wanting to be able to run or cycle along my local canal towpath without an offlead dog jumping up at me, or not being drawn to cat cafes makes me a psychopath but never mind.

I am not a fan of dogs, and am too lazy to have a pet and don't want the responsibility (and although I actually really like guinea pigs, we have too many foxes and cats in this area and I don't want them getting eaten if we keep them outside). That does not mean that I am somehow deficient personality-wise. I am a member of my local wildlife trust and prefer animals in their natural environment.

Being a parent sometimes means also being a grandparent. I don't think you should be able to opt out of that either

I disagree, but that is a whole different thread.

I don't have children and I do have dogs. Over the years dogs (my current ones predecessors) have been there throughout four miscarriages, the death of my husband and the death of my mother. They have never questioned or criticised me, never told me to get a grip or get over it and have never, will never, cause the level,of hurt that humans can and have caused me.

They are called my baby boys, baby cakes, sweetheart, puppy and darling. I love them as much as I love the important people in my life. They bring joy and simple love to my life.

I love them because they are dogs. I don't want them to be like humans of any age and I hate the anthropomorphism that some people have towards their animals - dogs are not designed to wear clothes and don't have deep ams complex emotions.