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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my friend to buy presents for my dd?

95 replies

Cathy10 · 05/09/2007 11:56

my "best" friend (childless) has 'forgotten' my DDs birthday - she also seemed to 'forget' my eldest's birthday earlier this year. Not even a card. I feel offended, esp when the last time she text me to say she had been too busy at work to remember!!!! Then we met up and no card no pressie despite the fact I went on about the party etc. Its her birthday soon and I feel like 'forgetting' hers. Birthdays to me are so important esp for children what do you think I should do - should I say anything or just accept she will no longer buy them anything?

OP posts:
MrsMcJnr · 05/09/2007 15:59

I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable but I have to admit that I never buy presents for my friends' kids - there are just too many and I can't afford to. I do send a card though - always. I do buy my friends' birthday presents but from last year, I stopped buying Xmas presents as my relie list has increased considerably!

handlemecarefully · 05/09/2007 16:00

YABU

pania · 05/09/2007 16:03

You're being totally unreasonable IMO.

portonovo · 05/09/2007 16:09

Mind-bogglingly unreasonable.

meemar · 05/09/2007 16:09

YABU

My brother, and DH's brother and wife (who don't have children) rarely remember to send cards, let alone presents for our DC's. My other brother who has kids, always remembers cards and presents.

It's just not something that's uppermost in peoples minds if they don't have kids of their own.

If it's important to you though, and she is your best friend then talk to her about it. She won't know how much it upsets you unless you tell her.

sweetkitty · 05/09/2007 16:12

I think my DD1 got a present from her godparents on her first birthday and that was it. I don't expect it although I send them cards every birthday I don't get them returned on mine either.

Just think once she has children you won't need to remember their birthdays either.

lucyellensmum · 05/09/2007 16:14

if there is a close relationship between your friend and your children then it would be nice for her to get them presents, but other than that YABU.

bubblagirl · 05/09/2007 16:16

my friend doesn't bother with my ds birthday but it doesnt really bother me she is also childless to them its unusual if dont have other friends with children there not used to it he did get card this yr though

but i woulod never expect anything from my friends but am gratefulm when they do buy things i choose to buy things as this is how i am but you cant take affense if she is a good friend in other ways we of course would feel our children should have something as we care for them in a different way to outsiders but i would never expect things

as for deliberately forgetting your friends birthday that is not the way to go just get a card if your that affended but i'm sure your friend wasn't being malicious its not untill you have children of your own it becomes important keep your friendship if she is a good friend dont hold it against her

bubblagirl · 05/09/2007 16:16

sorry bout spelling mistakes lol

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 05/09/2007 16:23

only read op but yabu!

i forget peoples birthdays all the time, and after the event whats the point??

bet your kids arent bothered that your friend didnt get them a present!

Original poster
Cathy10 · 05/09/2007 21:24

WOW!!! what a lot of posts ... what a lot of angry people. Can I just make a few points? Where did I say I EXPECTED a present? "birthdays are so important to me" means that I want the person to feel special - it could be a phone call to say happy birthday. I am NOT interested in only monetary things - how offensive - and my children certainly do not expect a present either, thats not how they are brought up, if they are given even the smallest thing they say very politely thank you to the person. And they are very young so most of the time the person who gave them a present is amazed how well behaved and grateful they are. I think a lot of people have misread or I have not explained myself properly - like KOG says, its more that I felt a bit sad that our lives are so different now. Also while I rant, can I just say to those people who said that its very boring to listen to someone talk about their children for more than 5 minutes, that its very boring to listen to someone talking about their work for more than 5 minutes? There's more to life - if you don't have children or a full time job in common there are plenty plenty other things to chat about esp if you have been friends for many years.

OP posts:
smeeinit · 05/09/2007 21:36

err cathy you said in the title that you " expect my friend to buy presents for my dd? "

Original poster
Cathy10 · 05/09/2007 21:40

so I did, but thats just because I was trying to keep with the same type of format in the searches "am I being unreasonable to expect that .." (check and you'll see what I mean). So everyone, I don't EXPECT it really was a typo, call it what you will. I should have written "am I being unreasonable to hope that .."

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 05/09/2007 21:40

Hmm the title of "am I being unreasonable to EXPECT my friend to buy dd a present" is probably where we all got that impression from. [grin}

lizziemun · 05/09/2007 21:41

It's funny how we all misread your thread.

ScottishMummy · 05/09/2007 21:41

ahem cathy - you invited a response to your post, got them , but clearly not happy as you attribute the responses to angry people.mmmm so if u had received alternative responses would we be mellow/happy/chilled

ConnorTraceptive · 05/09/2007 21:43

"not even a card"

"then we met up and no card or pressie"

"should i say anything or accept she will no longer buy them anything"

AuntJetPetunia · 05/09/2007 21:46

What a completely bizarre thread! Talk about backtracking...! LOL.

ScottishMummy · 05/09/2007 21:47

yes get a tardis cathy and u can nmeet yourself before u post and everyone misconstrues you

ConnorTraceptive · 05/09/2007 21:48

We really need a "I'm completely reasonable and not interested in any opinion to the contrary so if you have one just fuck off" section

MrsCarrot · 05/09/2007 21:50

"Then we met up and no card no pressie despite the fact I went on about the party etc. "

sounds more than a little expectant to me

MrsCarrot · 05/09/2007 21:51

oh, see I have repeated conortraceptive

smeeinit · 05/09/2007 21:51

pmsl @ connor!

ZoMbIeTaLcY · 05/09/2007 21:52
MrsCarrot · 05/09/2007 21:53

Talcy! Hello, where has the word game gone, I never see it?

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