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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my friend to buy presents for my dd?

95 replies

Cathy10 · 05/09/2007 11:56

my "best" friend (childless) has 'forgotten' my DDs birthday - she also seemed to 'forget' my eldest's birthday earlier this year. Not even a card. I feel offended, esp when the last time she text me to say she had been too busy at work to remember!!!! Then we met up and no card no pressie despite the fact I went on about the party etc. Its her birthday soon and I feel like 'forgetting' hers. Birthdays to me are so important esp for children what do you think I should do - should I say anything or just accept she will no longer buy them anything?

OP posts:

MrsCarrot · 05/09/2007 12:30

Extremely unreasonable imo. Even all me and all my friends with children don't always get things for dc's, everyone's lives are hectic. Let alone friends with no children whose minds are on much less important things like their job.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 05/09/2007 12:35

This is a wind-up, right?

Furzella · 05/09/2007 12:36

Just no point getting worked up about it really. Some people are good on presents, others not. Dd2's godmother seems to have stopped giving her presents, which I think is a shame (not least as she's the best present picker in the world - and I promise I haven't been slack about thank you letters) but she's a great pal of mine, I love her to bits, and there's no point falling out about something so little. Also there's no point getting reciprocal about it. If you like getting presents, continue to get her something. You'll only end up stewing in your own juices otherwise.

Furzella · 05/09/2007 12:37

whoops meant to say "if you like GIVING presents..."

heifer · 05/09/2007 12:45

um YABU - she is your friend not your DDs....

I often forget to buy my friends children presents...

certainly don't think you should do tit for tat and not buy her a present.. that would make you a crap friend instead..

So again - YABU - in fact YABTotallyU

aloha · 05/09/2007 12:48

Is this a wind up?

frogs · 05/09/2007 12:50

YABU -- I have probably 10+ close friends, most with an average of 3 or so kids apiece. Obviously I don't buy presents or even cards for all of them, nor do I expect them to remember my children's birthdays unless (a) they are invited to the party (b) they are godparents or similar specific connection with added responsibilities.

Hulababy · 05/09/2007 12:52

We don't even expect godparents to buy presents for our child. We didn't chose them for that reason. As it happens they generally do as they all now have children too, and are generally invited to the parties.

WigWamBam · 05/09/2007 12:52

You know, hard as it may be for you to comprehend, your children mean nowhere near as much to your friends as they do to you.

"Forgetting" her birthday in retaliation would be childish beyond words. Your friendship shouldn't be defined by how many cards and presents she gives to your children.

frogs · 05/09/2007 12:56

No, I don't expect godparents to buy presents either. It's just that on the whole they do, although not always for the actual date.

Have you not yet held a big kids' party? Try it and you'll realise that the only sane response to kids' birthdays is to be humbly grateful for every person who doesn't buy your child yet another piece of noisy plastic tat.

ScottishMummy · 05/09/2007 13:02

Cathy - remember in the depths of time pre-child well i do, and tbh i worked with coleagues who regularly told me of/about their wee ones and well i was interseted i swear i could not always recall their respective names/birthdays etc. when u have no kids it is not top of your list, she is not a bad friend just a busy lady, and buying a present would not make her better friend. so imo dont cause bad feeling raising it - what would it achieve?

MaryAnnSingleton · 05/09/2007 13:04

YABU - one of my closest friends doesn't get ds a present or card - doesn't bother me -

lizziemun · 05/09/2007 13:06

YABU,

I don't even expect my family to remember or even buy presents/cards for my dd birthday.

I sorry but i read your statement "Birthdays to me are so important esp for children" No you are only interested in monetary things.

Your childrens are only important to you.

EmsMum · 05/09/2007 13:06

YABU.
people without kids forget how significant we find their birthdays. I never used to remember my nephews/nieces and then realised when it came to DDs that

smeeinit · 05/09/2007 13:08

cathy, are you having a laugh?
totally and utterly unreasonable to just expect that someone, best friend or not should buy presents for your dd.
TBH i think that you are not much of a friend to expect this from her and not to appreciate that she may have other things going on in her life other than your dds birthday. try and see it from her pov.

EmsMum · 05/09/2007 13:10

..that I could forget what I was doing half way thru a post

no, that I did expect her aunties to send her presents so what the heck planet was I on before? Never expected my friends (with or without kids) to give my DD presents though. its pure bonus if any of them do.

missgriss · 05/09/2007 13:11

My best friend always buys my dc presents for birthdays/christmas. I've told her not to bother, but she always does. It is lovely of her but I certainly wouldn't expect her to buy them.

OrmIrian · 05/09/2007 13:12

In fact I can't think of a single time any of my friends (most of them bechilded to the hilt) have bought my children presents unless they or one of their offspring has been invited to a party.

Miaou · 05/09/2007 13:13

YAB totally U!

If I had a friend who expected presents, for them or their children, then I would make it a point of principle not to buy them!

And to not buy one for her is just childish in the extreme. Present-giving should be done because you want to, not because you feel obliged or to make a point.

oranges · 05/09/2007 13:14

I don't get it. Why on earth are you annoyed? Are we all really meant to buy cards and presents for all our friends who have children? I thought you only have to buy for the person you know directly, and even then its not that important. Should she be sending a card to your dh too?

flowerybeanbag · 05/09/2007 13:14

YABU I'm afraid, why should you expect presents for you children from your friends?
[confused emoticon]

NadineBaggott · 05/09/2007 13:16

YABU.

HonoriaGlossop · 05/09/2007 13:17

YABU. You can never expect a present.

LoveAngel · 05/09/2007 13:36

Agree with others - YABU. You can't 'expect' presents from anyone.

Kog · 05/09/2007 13:38

I kind of get where you're coming from. My (also childless) best friend didn't make any mention of DD's first birthday this year. She knew when it was, she just wasn't bothered.
It wasn't that I wanted her to spend her hard-earned on my sprog, more that I felt a bit sad that our lives are so different now - something that means the world to me didn't even register on her radar.

Try and remember how different it is before you have children.

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