To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

Don't reply, you said you won't engage by text. What you've done so far is warn her to be ready for trouble when you get home.

What is really frustrating on these threads is people posting asking questions that have been answered, often several times. Just click the option to highlight the poster's posts and read them.

This lady is a lodger, not a tenant. She hasn't paid rent for 4 weeks. She has broken the agreement between her and her landlady. She is not entitled to the notice that a tenant would be. Op can if she wishes evict her today (ideally with help from a friend and a change of locks).

A friend in need is a friend indeed!

OMG can you wonder at her own mother evicting her? Well done to the mother for being strong enough. Your turn now to reclaim your home, your time.

If you feel guilty (which you shouldnt) you could let her off the money she owes you (you are unlikely to ever see it anyway) so that she leaves by next Saturday. She's not working, she has plenty of time to go to the Council offices and add herself to the list of private landlords and sign up for housing benefit etc ... or use it for what it should be for ...

Even if she then hurts herself ... this has been her choice. How dare she not work ... there are jobs in fast food outlets and elsewhere. You need to not enable her laziness and poor behaviour ... you have helped her out for x time which is more than most would do but do not expect any thanks and NEVER do it again for any other "friend".

She can't evict her today, that would not be reasonable notice in the circumstances.

Reasonable notice can also depend on circumstances, eg, if you found out your lodger was dealing drugs from yourhouse, it would be reasonable to ask them to leave immediately.

If the op had made it clear that no overnight guests were allowed without prior notice, arguably she could ask the lodger to leave immediately.

And, no, it is very unlikely the council will accept healthy young woman with no dependants as priority homeless.

Send her and her stuff to her mum’s tonight. Then change the locks!

She told her she didn't want strange men in the house!

And well, if there's no agreement then she bloody well can put her things in the street! - no proof even that she's ever lived there? Win win, I'd get a friend to help ship the lot in to the mother's front garden and tell her to go fuck herself.

Hmm I wonder why her mum threw her out. Not rtft but I hope you've decided to go ahead and evict the cheeky mare. She is not your responsibility, let her go crawling back to her mum

She doesn't sound like she's going to want to make this easy for you OP.

Give her a few days notice today - have her out by Friday. She's had no respect for you while she's been there and is now totally taking the piss by not paying rent and continuing to bring strangers into your home. Stop feeling responsible for her. If she cries that she has nowhere to go tell her to crawl back to her mother, it's not your problem. No more chances or you will be back here again in a couple of months with the same problem, only you will be more out of pocket.

"Give her notice & advice her to go to the council who will house her as homeless"

I just wanted to dispel that myth. The Council have no obligation to house someone unless they are vulnerable. Single people are bottom of the list and generally have to approach homeless charities. Most of their shelters you wouldn't want to be in. It can be safer on the streets. There is a big shortage of women's accommodation, so they may not have a place for a woman anyway.

@Papiermachecat, that's a different situation than a friend allowing you to be a lodger in their home. She doesn't care about putting her friend at risk. The men she's bringing back obviously don't have their own place and that could be because they live with a partner. The OP doesn't need this risk. Men aren't always safe, the OP is being potentially put in danger. You don't do that to a friend.

Live however you want, but you haven't got the right to inflict it on other people.

The OP does need to give reasonable notice, for those saying that the lodger hasn't got funds to go to court, the Citizens advice etc have housing solicitors who rightly see that the law is upheld.

She doesn't have to allow the lodger to have unknown male visitors, or put up with threatening behaviour during the notice period.

Lesson learned, when you take rent off someone it becomes a business transaction and there are laws around every type of business.

Everything needs to be set out in a written agreement and house rules made clear before the agreement starts.

"Give her a few days notice today"

It's got to be at least a week.

@dognamedspot how do you highlight the OP's posts? How on earth did I not know about that function?

OP I think a week's notice is more than reasonable. I would suggest locking away your valuables or sentimental items in the meantime or perhaps getting a family member to stay over for a few days as I can't imagine her going peacefully

Fizzy
"And well, if there's no agreement then she bloody well can put her things in the street! - no proof even that she's ever lived there?"

Of course there's proof that she lived there. Text messages. Payments towards bills. etc.

If you read any of the links that people have posted about evicting lodgers, they all say that the landlord can change the locks (after giving reasonable notice) and must return the lodger's possessions. Legally they cannot be dumped in the street because the landlord must not damage them. I would dig out a reference for you but can't be arsed so you'll just have to trust me on it.

The rent arrears I agree with but I have to disagree with not having men over- fine, if having a one night stand over is making you uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t even allow her to have her boyfriend over?? If she’s paying for a room, then she should be allowed to have her boyfriend over, you not liking him is not really a good excuse.

If OP doesn't want the lodger to have visitors over, she is at perfect liberty to stipulate so. The lodger is not a tenant. The OP is living in the home, & has the right to excuse anybody she chooses, on any grounds. OP does not need an "excuse" - she merely needs to express a preference, & expect to have it respected.

The lodger knows this damn well - she's obviously just used to pushing OP around, ignoring her wishes, & getting her own way.

I'd also change the locks tonight, she can go back to her mum's. In reality she's hardly going to take you to court for not giving reasonable notice. The law is so vague about what is reasonable notice for lodgers thatI'm not sure she could present a valid case in the extremely unlikely case she decided to try.

People have sex lives.
When I was in my 20s everyone shared houses and flats. Like Friends.
People had loud sex then too.
The lodger isn't in a house share.
She is renting (when she bothers to pay) a room in OP's own home.

When did society become so intolerant.
You all seem to want to live in individual capsules.
Live and let live.
OK @Papiermachecat - YOU have this 'friend' to stay in your home.
She can smoke fags in your house, leave her dirty plates upstairs, use all your heating fuel without paying for it, & bring home strange men that she met 3 hours ago.
You happy to "live & let live" when it's YOUR home & security at risk?
Or just happy to posture & virtue signal somebody else for having reasonable boundarie

She's your friend. Please don't evict her. You aren't as harsh as the intolerant millionaires on here. Do you really want her homeless and dying in the snow?

I'm usually a soft touch, but I would not leave her alone in the house again. Next time she goes out, change one of the locks, box up her stuff and take it to her mum's. Tell her she can use the money she owes you for a b&b til she gets something sorted.

Reasonable notice depends on the circumstances. Untidiness = 1 week or up to a month if the lodger is sensible.
Putting the home owner in danger - immediate to 24 hours, maybe up to a week if they absolutely will abide by the OPs house rules until departure!

Seems clear they won't, so I would have them out on the street as soon as o got back from work. My house, my rules. If those who like to have randoms over for a shagathon don't like my rules, then leave. There is no law in this land that makes you stay in someone's private house if you don't like it!

@Papiermachecat

You are being ridiculous!

Flat sharing is one thing. This is different. For one thing, the lodger isn't paying half the bills therefore she doesn't have equal rights or say.
She is a lodger and a very inconsiderate one at that!

Oh and you mention a best friend? I'm sure they won't leave her to die in the snow.

If she was in council b&b (which she probably wouldn't even be eligible for as a single adult, with no relevant health problems or disabilities, and no dependants) their license agreements (a bit like a tenancy agreement) stipulate that they can give somebody 24 hours notice at any time for breaching the order (or pretty much any other reason) . That you cannot be more than 1 week in arrears, 4 weeks would definitely mean an eviction without extreme extenuating circumstances. Also most have a rule of no guests/visitors, and anti-social behaviour can mean an instant eviction (no time to pack, no notice, out on your ear). That's how we treat homeless families with young children and homeless people with disabilities in this country. Lodgers don't even have the rights council b&b tenants do. They are on shakier ground still. You can evict her at any time for basically any reason, and she had given you a catalogue of reasons not least her attitude about even talking about the issues. I would leave her to the Mercy of her family and the system. Unfortunately she seems to be fast running out of friends, family, money and places to stay. You can't make people change, and the outcome of her bad choices is not your responsibility.

I note that none of the Guardian-swallowers on here are offering to house her...

and clearly no trouble being up all night for some things. Chuck out ASAP, I wouldn't even give a few days notice as someone like this might start malicious damage. And definitely change the locks, for all you know she's given keys to half the town.

ooops trigger finger -
She's your friend.
No she's not!

Please don't evict her.
WTF? You have her then ...

You aren't as harsh as the intolerant millionaires on here.
Eh? What millionaires?

Do you really want her homeless and dying in the snow?
It isn't snowing, she won't be, & there's no need for the lodger to instantly expire. The lodger will trot back to her mum's until she gets booted out again, & will then have to either find a proper house share or make a start on the B&B/Council route to getting permanetly housed.

None of this is the OP's problem.
And it's really sanctimonious of you to suggest it ought to be.
Could YOU sleep, knowing a man you have never met, who has been picked up in a pub somewhere, was going to be brought into your home at night?

OP evict her asap. Yanbu. And don't feel guilty. She s an adult who has put herself in this position by quitting her job without another one to go to, failing to pay rent (UC often pay the actual claimant the rent money if they dont pay the landlord so what has she done with that? ) Gone out and spent it on herself then brought randoms back to yours to shag. Disrespectful at least, possibly dangerous.
The council will not help as she s made herself homeless but that s not your problem.
Please be tough and stand your ground. I couldn't keep my temper if I was woken up by that and had work next day. Get another friend round when you tell her to go so she doesn't persuade you to let her stay "just another week ". You sound really nice and unfortunately people like your "friend" feed off nice people.
By the way I m not a heartless millionaire but I expect people in my house to pay rent and treat me with respect.

@JRUIN
Hmm I wonder why her mum threw her out. Not rtft but I hope you've decided to go ahead and evict the cheeky mare. She is not your responsibility, let her go crawling back to her mum

Well, if you'd at least read the OP's posts, she explained that her mum threw her out as having someone in employment living with her affected her benefits.
She's lost her job, therefore problem solved!