To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

I would have more sympathy if you wanted to evict her for the non-payment of rent than the fact she has people to stay overnight. I understand that it makes you feel nervous but you would probably have the same issue with any lodger and really it means you aren't someone who should have lodgers rather than she has done anything wrong. While it is reasonable to evict her for any reason a week's notice is not a very good way to treat a friend.

She is disrespecting you by not following rules while you are not her care taker . Inviting virtual strangers over could put you both in a dangerous position. You don't know anything about this man/ men . I would ask her to leave on the back of this because of the possible danger and giving up her job. She sounds like she needs to take stock and sort her life but this will only happen when she is ready and that could be months/ years/never and this is NOT your resposibility.Time for her to leave. I hope you can trust her to go leaving your place and belongings intact.

@BubblyWater

I'm on a PC so not sure on phone, but there is an arrow next to TALK at the top of the screen.

Click on that, then Customise. You can highlight your posts too!

I'm thinking a month or so's notice. Either the money or the behaviour is enough on its own to more than justify it, but I'd urge compassion, not chucking her out right away.

@rattusrattus20 but this lodger 'friend' has shown no compassion towards the OP. If you were down on your luck and a kind hearted friend was letting you stay rent free, surely you stick an extra jumper on to keep the heating bills down and not invite random men back when you've been asked not to?

You had advice last time you posted about it, OP. Just tell her she has a week to go

I would have more sympathy if you wanted to evict her for the non-payment of rent than the fact she has people to stay overnight.

Conversely I would find a lodger failing to pay their rent, when I know they've lost their job and had their benefits stopped, is excusable. But ignoring the rules, disrespecting me, and disturbing me at night is what will get the lodger an eviction notice.

Fortunately OP doesn't have to give a reason.

Oh and hide/ put under a key all the valuables/ money that you may have in your flat.

Thanks Nanny0gg!

And change the locks once she has gone. Even if she gives you back her key.

Compassion would be easier if the friend wasn't abusing her position. She's not paying rent, she's running up huge fuel bills which the OP is having to pay, and she's broken the "no overnight guests" rule and furthermore is keeping the OP awake at night.

Surely compassion should be a two-way street?

@rattusrattus20 - if you had read the previous thread where the lodger was told not to bring her then boyfriend to the house as the OP didn't like him and he ended up back at the house and making advances to the OP, you'd understand that this is not a once off incident and the lodger has had indications that the OP was likely to kick them out. That was around NYE so has had time to go browsing for a new place to call 'home' and find a job.
I'd consider January to have been her months notice after the way she treated you in December but its not likely that the notice period could be applied retrospectively. Pity.

Be strong @Throwawaytheatre and tell her to be gone!

Tell her tonight that she has no rights because she has paid no rent. Even though her rent was minimal, she hasn't been able to keep that up. Her behaviour at new year was horrendous and has obviously not improved. Be ready to change the locks OP and I would not give her any notice tbh because after her texts today I wouldn't be able to trust her.

Does she leave the house?

Does anyone ever actually read threads, I wonder?

I cannot understand how anyone who has would suggest compassion for someone who is clearly treating the OP with utter contempt, is not even paying the miniscule amount that doesn't begin to cover her costs, and all likelihood looks as if she is escalating treating the OP as an utter doormat?

This is not an official rental situation and this is certainly NOT any friend. Have rid, tonight, and ensure your locks are changed. Even then, I'd expect the spiteful mare to cause you further issues, and I certainly wouldn't expect to see the 'rent' arrears. Chalk it up to experience and just be glad you're rid of her.

Pack her bags and put them outside the door, change the locks and don't let her back in. She needs to be standing on the street and homeless before the council will give her (emergency) accommodation.

She's no friend behaving like that. Evict the cf.

Nightmare! She's really taking the piss. Ignoring what you said and bringing men back is completely out of order. Choosing to quit her job without having another to be able to pay you rent tells me she doesn't have any respect. It's awkward if she's a friend but she's not being a very good friend and is taking advantage so tell her to go. You need a lodger to help you out financially and she's not. I had similar years ago, let a friends sister move in. Nightmare from the start. I always had to chase her for the rent (£100 a month so not alot). I had a pre pay gas metre and she would always put it on constant hot water and heating rather than boost then go out and leave it on. I'd come home to no gas and she'd say she's having a bath at her mums down the road as no hot water and no money, I didn't have that option so was always forced to put more on out of my pocket. She was renting the small room but then I found she'd started sleeping in the double room with her boyfriend. Also puked on the bedroom carpet drunk and left it there. She was very dirty and untidy. I went away for the weekend and she didn't empty the bin so rubbish was stacked high on top of the bin against the wall. The one time I asked her to put the bin out she just dumped an open black bag in the back garden, I came home to find rubbish strewn all over the garden and where it was icy the rubbish was frozen to the floor so I had to pick it all up. It was awkward as it was my friends sister but she was just trouble and causing me more stress and costing me money having her there. I told her she had to go as a family member was moving in. It was such a relief when she left and when I went into her room it was vile. This girl isn't your responsibility and she'll have to get off her backside and get a job and rent another room, she won't get away with not paying rent anywhere else so she'll have to prioritise paying rent before going out, smoking et.

She needs to go.
She does not rent, you are letting her stay and were asking for money to cover the increase in bills. Not only is she not paying that but the bills have now increased as she is there all day. On that basis alone it's not feasible for her to stay, you can't afford to subsidize her.
Added to which she is disregarding your wishes, sleep. comfort and safety by acting the way she does.
She is an adult, you are not responsible for her.

Does anyone ever actually read threads, I wonder?

Yes but we don't all have the same opinion on how people should be treated. I definitely think OP should evict is no reason why she should put up with something that makes her feel uncomfortable. However I can't see that her lodger has done anything that would justify putting her stuff outside the door and changing the locks today as suggested by some posters. Apart from anything else, if anything happened to her stuff OP would be responsible.

For interest, OP, for the £100 she's meant to be paying you, does she also raid your food cupboards?

Oh she seriously needs to go OP! That comment about her renting and it not being your business!! How fucking dare she? And don't worry - she won’t be “dying in the snow” as she has her mother and best mate to stay with for starters. Given she is now also on benefits, her mother can have no objection to her coming back.

I don't get where people like your "friend" get off. I would be grateful to you for taking me in and help around the house, bring my plates and cups etc down and be mortified that I was a month behind and, if reliant on benefits and not able to make it up, I'd be asking if I could do things for you extra to work it off.

I hate hate hate being beholden on people, even family.

Where does she get off saying she "won't chat to you about it"? Cheeky madam. I wonder if she knows what's coming. She's likely telling him all sorts and he'll be emboldening her and counting down the minutes to get out the house.

A week is enough notice, hope she gets out smoothly without more issue

Makes you wonder why the "best friend" didn't take her in when she needed somewhere!

it means you aren't someone who should have lodgers rather than she has done anything wrong

FWIR of the previous thread - 8OP8 hadn't advertised for a lodger, wasn't seeking a lodger and didn't casually mention in conversation that it would be nice to have someone help out with the bills.

The friend was made homeless (by her mother) and begged for somewhere to stay and that's how OP ended up with her. OP is not a professional renter of rooms to useless layabouts.