To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

YANBU. You should have the absolute right to feel safe in your own home and she's not giving you that. You've spoken to her, you've reasoned with her and she is till walking all over you. Give her notice, she can then contact her local council and they'll then find her accommodation.

She’s not your friend. She’s not thinking “How kind of Throw to let me stay here and to be so understanding about me not paying the rent I should”.

She’s laughing at your weakness and doesn’t give a sht about you*

OP, get the locks changed today. Do NOT give her a key. Tell her she has to get out today. She is a CF who does not respect you or your home.
She HAs to go today, no excuses listened to.

She does NOT 'rent from you', she lodges in your home.

Stop trying to discuss anything and give her notice now.

If there's anyone you can trsut who could 'babysit' your home for the next week, that would be great. Otherwise, take plenty of photos of every room but hers and make an inventory of anything that could easily be stolen or damaged.

I'm after reading your other thread about her boyfriend around NYE and that just goes to show you that she has no issues walking all over you and how she sees your home.

I would go with what @Crazyoldmaurice has suggested but if you are worried about how she will take it, I would send it to her this afternoon and let her stay for tonight, she must be gone in the morning (if you can, try and arrange it so that you can arrive into work a little later than usual so that she can be gone and you can get the locks changed).

She sounds vile to be honest. You'll sleep a lot better without her and her 'friends' dropping in.

Papiermachecat lol so the OP should allow everyone to live in her home rent free. behave

Now you know why her mum chucked her out.

The fucking cheek of inviting random men to your house to shag and see where all your stuff is after you’ve told her not to do it. Plus not paying rent. I’d be furious.

Tell her tonight you’re not happy but don’t give her notice until Friday evening and tell her to be gone by Sunday night. That way you’ll be around to ensure she leaves and to prevent her from trying anything such as bringing anymore Tinder hook-ups to case your property. Steel yourself against any sob stories, she’s not your friend she’s a user.

She's your friend. Please don't evict her. You aren't as harsh as the intolerant millionaires on here. Do you really want her homeless and dying in the snow?

She isn't the OP's friend, she's made that clear. She's 4 weeks in arrears with her rent and making no effort to pay. She should have thought about being 'homeless and dying in the snow' before taking the piss.

I imagine she's laid in bed with her new 'friend' now whilst you have been up all night, had to commute an hour in this horrible weather to do a 12 hour shift to pay for the home she's completely disrespecting. She's not your friend she's taking the piss and without sounding harsh you're enabling it by not setting boundaries. You sound lovely but she obviously sees you as weak (her texts this morning prove that) and she's taking full advantage of it.

Get rid but also hide any valuables. I wouldn't trust her whatsoever. I actually think you should ask her to leave tonight. You won't get the rent she owes if she's leaving anyway

And honestly, while I'm a stickler for fairness and doing things by the rules, I think in this situation; because she's a contract-less lodger, lodging is founded on good will and her actions are not only making you feel unsafe but are factually opening your home to the risk of criminal activity (these men could be anything)... this is a case for waiting until she's out, changing the locks, bagging up her stuff and arranging a time for her to collect it from your doorstep.

Does she ever go out?

If not you'll just have to get the locks changed on your nrxt day off and tell her.

Just thought of something else - if you've already said that you're not going to have the conversation over text, then stop engaging with her. Go with the 'broken record' of "We can discuss this later when I'm home" or "I will not be discussing this over text message, we can discuss it later"
If you like you could include "Please use the time today to pack your belongings".

No 'friend' would be so downright disrespectful. Get her gone.

She's your friend. Please don't evict her. You aren't as harsh as the intolerant millionaires on here. Do you really want her homeless and dying in the snow?

Friends don’t treat each other the way this CF has.

Instead of dying alone in the snow. CF friend could return to her mum, or-you know, get a job?

FFS-this isn’t the Little Match Girl

People have sex lives.

She can have her sex life in the homes of the unknown blokes she randomly hooks up with.

OP has an absolute right NOT to have unknown people in her home.

Do you really want her homeless and dying in the snow?

I doubt OP wants her lying in the spare bedroom with her throat slashed either, but the CF's putting herself at risk of things like this.

UPDATE : she has text to say she wouldn’t have a chat with me as she doesn’t see the difference between this and having her best mate over... I’ve explained that that’s different as I know best mate.

Just reply and ask her to leave

When she moves, to another rented her UC will include her rent. It should have included it now, so she should have been able to pay you! The non-payment of rent is the reason to evict her with one week's notice.

After her response to you text, I wouldn't give a shit about her dying in the snow tbh.

Stupid skanky cow.

I’d be replying pretty damn quick to her text about being a tenant & renting.
Hi CF, you are a lodger not a tenant, there is an important difference.

“I rent from you what I do in my room is my business”

Reply:

You do not rent from me. You are a lodger, and the terms of that are clear, and incldue that what happens in the room you are lodging in, in my house, is very much my business. Those terms which you agreed to included no overnight guests. You risked my safety in my home last night, you are in arrears with your lodging payments, you've broken practically every term of the lodging agreement. You now have notice to leave. You need to find somewhere else immediately, if you do not you will find your belongings on the street next week.'

Did she pay you a deposit and sorry if I missed it but do you have a contract?

Fizzy
There is no written lodging agreement, no terms were agreed about guests, and OP cannot leave the lodger's possessions out on the street.

good luck, you are going to have to be strong!

Glad you're evicting her. I doubt she'll repay you a penny that she owes, so I'd consider just writing that off and going completely NC with her once she's out. I had a similar situation years ago, but rather than the 'friend' being a lodger we were joint tenants, so I had to wait out 11 months of living with the sponger. She even moved some random woman in to live on the sofa for a few months, so I was supporting two unemployed adults lounging around the house all day. If she'd been a lodger she would have been out and the locks changed.