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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

612 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 02:08

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 24/02/2020 08:40

Agree with Not a Sporty Mum These people are just users .She s not your friend ,and is an entitled cheeky bitch .If you have to call the police ,but tell her out by tomorrow!

Ghostontoast · 24/02/2020 08:40

I thought that with someone lodging in your house it’s a week’s notice.

Good luck with getting her out without her taking stuff or damaging the place.

You need to show determination to get her to go as she obviously thinks you are a push over, otherwise this cuckoo will be in your nest for ever.

Notwiththeseknees · 24/02/2020 08:46

If this was me, I would be kicking her out tonight. I would not bother giving notice to someone behaving in such a reckless manner.

If she was just leaving a mess in the bathroom, clothes in the hall or not cleaning up after herself in the kitchen, then fine - one weeks notice to her as she is a weekly lodger.

BUT

Dangerous behaviour, bringing home ransoms for a shag fest to my property, where I live, sleep and relax - no way would notice be necessary. I would class it as unacceptable and as potentially dangerous as smoking in bed, smoking in the house, or running round drunk with a knife. Any of those would have me chucking them out immediately. There is a recent thread by a poster who has been raped after going back to a randoms place. There are psychos everywhere and a would not stand for one second for a cheeky, cockloger dragging back any Tom dick or harry to my house in the middle of the night. Get to fuck with that idea. And if she wants to do that - great - she can get a bed sit, shared house as a joint occupier, rent her own place or buy one. But not in MY HOUSE - not today!!

Thehop · 24/02/2020 08:47

She’s a hideous person and a terrible friend. Feck her. Out she goes and where is not your problem.

Stay strong OP!

flower1994 · 24/02/2020 08:48

mathanxiety the OP can ask anyone living in their home to leave for whatever reason they want as long as reasonable notice has been given and/or the fixed term agreement (if there was one) has come to an end. It's her home, up to her who lives in it

JudyCoolibar · 24/02/2020 08:50

Given her attitude, I'd suggest you change that one week's notice to three days at most.

Smelborp · 24/02/2020 08:51

The citizens advice webpage which was posted had some advice on how to evict tenants on the rights for tenants bit. It’s worth making sure you know the correct legal procedure. You are definitely not unreasonable to want her to leave though!

frillyfarmer · 24/02/2020 08:52

@mathanxiety clearly not - the OP is not required to state grounds for ending the licence. Therefore it is much more sensible not to be drawn into the whys. She's been handed a notice and legally the lodger needs to cooperate with that. Stating a ground for serving is opening the door for a conversation to address said behaviour, which is not what the OP wants.

Ellisandra · 24/02/2020 08:57

Given the attitude, do NOT give her 4 weeks notice. It will be a living hell and you’ll get no more rent out of it for her.
Council will act the same way if she’s homeless tomorrow or in a month’s time.
She can stay back at her mum’s for a week - that’s a visit, so benefit issue.

8misskitty8 · 24/02/2020 08:58

Wonder why the ‘best friend’ hasn’t offered her a place to stay ?

PegasusReturns · 24/02/2020 09:00

This is the second thread in as many days where there has been total confusion as to the difference between a tenant and a lodger.

OP you can get rid for any reason you choose. One weeks notice is fine based on the payment schedule you have referenced.

flower1994 · 24/02/2020 09:00

Smelborp there is a difference between tenant and lodger x

Happyandglorious · 24/02/2020 09:00

OP, can you have someone with you when you issue the notice?
Sounds like she will put up a fight but maybe more slightly intimidated if there is someone else there.
Good luck. Hope she's gone asap and as a pp suggested, I would def change the locks

LochJessMonster · 24/02/2020 09:06

The rent arrears I agree with but I have to disagree with not having men over- fine, if having a one night stand over is making you uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t even allow her to have her boyfriend over?? If she’s paying for a room, then she should be allowed to have her boyfriend over, you not liking him is not really a good excuse.

But as she is now behind on rent too, I would use that as the reason.
However 1 weeks notice is a bit short to find another place.

Whitney168 · 24/02/2020 09:19

I wouldn’t give her a week. I’d give her two months notice.

I wouldn't give her a week either, I'd have a locksmith there tonight to change the locks and her bags on the doorstep. She does not have 'rights', she is a friend who is taking the piss, and it doesn't matter what notice you give her she's going to ignore you anyway!

mumwon · 24/02/2020 09:20

rules on deposits etc are not the same for lodgers - for instance the deposit doesn't have to be held in a deposit scheme
Does she have a rent book or record of paid rent?
Has she been paying weekly or monthly (in the past)?
Did she give you a deposit?
I don't think you should have a lodger again - even though you have grounds for feeling she is very unreasonable it is not good for your anxiety.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 24/02/2020 09:22

She’s a piss taker and a user. You’ve been more than accommodating for far too long. Her actions are her responsibility. Get rid now, she needs to learn that actions have consequences. Give her a week’s notice so she can sort out emergency housing with the council, then change the locks.

FortunesFave · 24/02/2020 09:22

She's confused renting a property with being a lodger...and now she thinks she's got rights.

Send her the link someone added earlier!

AJPTaylor · 24/02/2020 09:23

Keep it simple
Focus on the fact that she is no friend.
On that basis, tell her to leave. Pack her stuff and change the locks.

Whitney168 · 24/02/2020 09:24

As for talk of deposits, I bet my bottom dollar she paid no such thing, and will never pay you another penny in rent either.

fedup21 · 24/02/2020 09:25

Sounds like you’re going to have problems getting her out and I doubt she’ll pay you any more rent.

What a bitch

Papiermachecat · 24/02/2020 09:29

People have sex lives.
When I was in my 20s everyone shared houses and flats. Like Friends.
People had loud sex then too.

When did society become so intolerant.
You all seem to want to live in individual capsules.
Live and let live.

She's your friend. Please don't evict her. You aren't as harsh as the intolerant millionaires on here. Do you really want her homeless and dying in the snow?

Elliesmommy · 24/02/2020 09:30

Your home isn't a hotel. It's your home and you deserve to be comfortable and happy that. You're also not her mother. Shes a grown woman.

scoobydoo1971 · 24/02/2020 09:32

Give her one week notice in writing. She can take that to the housing options local authority department as evidence of unintentional homelessness. You are not responsible for her welfare and she is bringing risks into your home. Please change the locks in your home when she leaves, and chalk this one up to experience. If you send her a message of eviction by email or text then you have a record of this. If she refuses to leave on the due date, call the police and tell them you have a person in your house who won't leave and you are being threatened. She will be trespassing and harassing you at that point, and the police should help with her eviction. Please take a few days off work to be in the house, and don't tell her what your plans are. It will be a deterrent against crime, like stealing your property. You should have a lock on your bedroom door to prevent property loss, and any items of value in the home should be locked in your car or other safe place.

AnotherEmma · 24/02/2020 09:35

I remember your NYE thread and posted on it. I advised you to give her a weeks notice to leave in writing, stipulating no guests during that time or the notice period would go down to 24h. Others said similar about asking her to leave.

I can't believe you've let her stay for nearly 2 months since then, even after she stopped paying "rent" (£100/month is not rent, it would barely cover the increase in bills).

If you were living alone before she moved in, you would have been getting the single person discount on your council tax, which you're not entitled to while she's there. Not to mention the extra gas, electricity and water.