To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

changing the locks is over-the-top and out of proportion.

Changing the locks should be OP's absolute number one priority.
Who knows what random shaggers the lodger might have given a key to? Or who might have nicked one on an unwanted overnight visit to OP's home ...

Hi all,

Thank you for all your advice.

When I posted on nye I wasn’t thinking about evicting her. I wanted to know if I was reasonable in having a bit having her at the time boyfriend in the house.

When they broke up, I thought the blip had passed. She had been a good lodger up till then - then she missed the rent, but promised to pay extra over the next few months.

Then she told me money would be tight again this month and she couldn’t pay any extra. (Her rent for Feb is due tomorrow)

Then she met this guy on Tinder and had him round. She’s since sent me a slew of posts saying she sees where I’m coming from but she was “talking to him for ages” so he’s not a stranger.

I have ignored her, as I have been working and I’m fucking knackered.

To clarify somethings: a long-time boyfriend I knew, she could have over when she liked. I’m not a prude, it’s the random bloke but I object to.

To begin there was no written agreement. When she went on UC she needed one, so I drafted one. It contained a no overnight visitors without permission clause. It also said the rental period is weekly.

Since UC is monthly I verbally agreed to accept the rent three weeks in arrears and one week in advance iyswim. The last time she paid rent was at the end of December.

She is being given notice tonight when I get home from work.

Yes get rid of her she is a mess.

Don't think there ever was a "contract," was there?

Is not charging rent "seeking to profit"?

It wasn't rent per se - it was a contribution to the housekeeping - £25/week to cover food, laundry, heating etc - this is hardly Rachmann territory.

I think for your sanity you need to evict her and then change your locks as well!

Shes making you feel uncomfortable in your own home - i think that's the line (money aside!)

Good luck!

She's gone into blind panic OP... She knows she's on thin ice.... stick to your guns.. get rid 🌺

Definitely get rid. I wouldn't feel bad about her. If she wanted to stay, she should have behaved more considerately.

Changing the locks is essential. My lodger stole all my gold rings on the way out.

Good for you OP.

You've been incredibly kind and she's taken advantage.

She's had nine weeks totally free accommodation now. She wasn't even being asked to pay anything near the rent you'd pay for a room in a house share, just a token amount towards bills.

Look after yourself, you sound lovely and don't deserve to be mugged off like this.

Hope later goes ok

Good luck later on

She doesn’t care about you and has the cheek of the devil.

It might be worth printing out definitions and rights of tenants/lodgers as she clearly thinks that she is a tenant when she is in fact a lodger. and given the fact she isn't paying rent, then she is in fact a guest
It be mentioning claiming rent arrears through the small court system (even if you end up deciding not to). You could print these forms out too.

Some people just don't know when they are on to a good thing.

Can you turn the heating off during the day, in a way that she can't turn it back on. After all, you haven't budgeted for it.

I'm glad you're getting her out. dont feel bad either or let her play on your emotions. I just read your other thread, she sounds like she has taken the piss enough already. shes an adult and can sort herself out. wish I could pay 100 pound a month. also my ex boyfriend lodged in someone's house and they had a no visitors rule whatsoever and he paid proper rent! so even with that you'd been more than lenient x

Absolutely get rid. That guy could have been anyone. Did she see his driving licence?! Lol. Get rid please and stay safe. What a twit she is!!

If by some miracle she does have money for you this evening, do not take it. Just tell her the arrangement is no longer working for you so she has to leave - now!

She is being given notice tonight when I get home from work.

Well done-stay strong! How long are you going to give her?

Just say you haven't been paying rent, therefore you need to leave. How can she argue with that? I'd stop pushing about her bringing men back and just focus on the facts

She broke the 'contract' so don't bother with notice. If you can have someone with you tonight go home, tell her to pack, supervise so she doesn't damage your property or steal anything, hand over the key and tell her she goes NOW. If she dares complain tell her to stay with the guy she's been talking to for ages and knows so well she brought him into your home last night.

Good luck.

You are not a charity. It's not your responsibility to home someone who is disrespecting you & your home, however, that is technically irrelevant as she is not paying her rent on time. Every time she pays without backdating, she continues to be 4 weeks late on rent. She's in her 20's, she is an adult, she needs to take responsibility for herself and understand that if she wants to leave her job, she needs to make sure she can survive on the payments being given to her by UC.

However, do things properly as you don't need the added aggravation of kicking her out without notice and changing the locks. I doubt very much it would relieve you of any stress - in fact, if it were me, it would cause even more stress not knowing where this person, regardless of what she's done, would do with a bag of clothes and nowhere to go.

Give her 7 days notice, if she needs to stay in a hotel for a few days then that's her too bad. Maybe in future she will realise that you can't live somewhere without paying rent!

Surely she has broken the contract by having a guest over without permission?
So therefore you are not obliged to give notice?

Also agree with this by @Lsquiggles Just say you haven't been paying rent, therefore you need to leave. How can she argue with that? I'd stop pushing about her bringing men back and just focus on the facts.

Don't bother chasing the issue with the random man, she's never going to accept that it's an issue and it'll just become you "judging" her decisions. Focus on the facts, which are entirely valid. "You're not paying rent on time". If she responds and says she'll pay the backdated rent today, say I'm sorry there doesn't work for me - I can no longer trust that you'll pay it on time moving forward and I'm unwilling to risk it as it is causing me stress I just don't need.

Job done.

It contained a no overnight visitors without permission clause.

This, and four weeks of arrears is enough. She's a lodger only. To think it acceptable to allow a stranger in and keep up the home owner on a school night because of your desire to have loud sex is nothing short of disrespectful, especially when you are so overdue your rent.

I've been a lodger for many years and never did I have overnight stays without prior agreement. Because not my house.

Change the locks OP.

don't get into any discussion over having men over etc.
Just tell her the arrangement is "no longer working for you" and therefore she needs to go by the weekend.
End of.

The more reasons you give her the more doors you are opening for her to argue about it. Your house. Your decision.

She's not a friend. She's a CF who thinks she can use your house as she likes. use what she likes and pay if she feels like.
She can go back to her mum.

I would text her (so you have proof) that even if you set aside the man overnight, she is weeks in arrears seeing as you have had no rent since December. That alone is breaking her agreement. Tell her its not up for discussion and you're pissed off. And don't back down cos she will promise rent plus extra like she did last time.