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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

612 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 02:08

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 24/02/2020 14:02

Technically you9 dont need to give a lodger any notice and she hardly a lodger is she she doesnt pay you anything you can just ask her to leave

iid do it on the weekend though like you said you need to be there to make sure she goes-shes a pisstaking cf and not a friend

KickAssAngel · 24/02/2020 14:05

As a lodger she has almost no rights - you could tell her to go immediately. So, point that out to her. Also, if the reason she couldn't stay at her mum's was because she worked, that situation''s changed now, so she can go back to her mum's. Unless there are other reasons as well, and it sounds like maybe her mum wanted rid of her for her behavior.

SewItGoes · 24/02/2020 14:07

Maybe she can crash with this new man, since she knows him so well. (Or does he have a roommate who doesn't want to hear their loud sex all night long?)

Either that or she can go back to her mother for a few days until she can work out something else. Either way, she's definitely not a real friend, and I wouldn't want her in my home a moment longer than absolutely necessary, if I were you.

I don't think you even have to give her a reason why she's out. She knows she's been taking advantage of you, or if not, she's probably incapable of understanding any explanation you can give. However, if you want to give reasons, her failure to keep up with the rent is sufficient.

CallmeAngelina · 24/02/2020 14:14

If by some miracle she does have the money for you tonight, do not take it.

Why on earth not? She is owed it. It doesn't change the fact that she can still ask her to leave.

AfterSchoolWorry · 24/02/2020 14:15

Good for you OP.

I'm not surprised her Mother kicked her out. Cheeky bitch.

2beautifulbabs · 24/02/2020 14:18

Wow defiantly get her out OP you've done well to last as long as you have friend or no friend she would have been out a long time ago.

Please be careful that she doesn't try and pull some squatters right crap on you when your out to work when you give her notice.

I would also suggest that you change the locks once she has gone so that she can't use your house as a stopping ground when your in work maybe that's me being paranoid but considering how she's already been towards you and your house rules I wouldn't put it past someone like her

All the best and good luck with tonight's conversation

IntermittentParps · 24/02/2020 14:28

To begin there was no written agreement… I drafted one. It contained a no overnight visitors without permission clause.

So what she said in her text ('I rent from you what I do in my room is my business') is just plain not true.

Give her until the weekend and have a locksmith and a friend there on the day.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 24/02/2020 14:36

What kind of lock do you have on your front door? If it’s a Yale you can change the barrel yourself with a screwdriver. I think they’re about a tenner from places like B&Q.

I’ve been in your situation myself, it’s incredibly disappointing to be taken advantage of when doing a friend a favour.

About the sanction and UC: it’s my understanding that she won’t qualify for UC for 13 weeks if she’s been sanctioned for leaving a job of her accord, and not only that people often have to wait 5 or t\6 weeks for the payments to come through. So even if she was a perfect lodger she’s unlikely to see a penny before the end of next month.

I really hope you stand firm and get this user the hell out of your home.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 24/02/2020 14:39

If she really doesn’t have anywhere else to go, she should have made sure to follow your rules in your house then.

Redshoeblueshoe · 24/02/2020 15:00

I remember your last thread, good luck getting her out

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 24/02/2020 15:01

Good luck!

I would second what people have said about not giving her reasons that she can argue against. The only thing she can't argue against is that you want your house back to yourself. End of.

SilkCottonTree · 24/02/2020 15:08

I really sympathise with you OP. We used to have lodgers who were all lovely, apart from the last one. He really didn't understand the difference between being a lodger and being a tenant and was rude and obnoxious. It's so stressful having someone in your house once you want them gone. My advice if she refuses to leave after whatever notice period you decide would be to change the locks when she is out and take her stuff to her mum's house. If she is behind with her rent then she has already broken the agreement she made with you.

Flutteringsatlast · 24/02/2020 15:20

You have more patience than me. Her stuff would have been deposited in the garden via window...
And the bloke out in his pants...

NRPDad · 24/02/2020 15:26

Your property (rented or owned with/without mortgage) your rules. Give her the boot, accept your relationship may suffer because of it.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/02/2020 15:32

Or does he have a roommate who doesn't want to hear their loud sex all night long?)

Or a wife, even . . .

BreatheAndFocus · 24/02/2020 15:33

How much notice are you giving her, OP?

If you have the money, I agree with the PP or said you should get her out now and pay for a few nights in a Travelodge for her. She’s a p*ss-taker and I’d be concerned she wouldn’t leave or would trash your house while you’re at work.

She won’t be homeless. She can go back to her mother.

Practise what you’re going to say to her and don’t get into a discussion. Get her out, get the locks changed - and get your home back.

IntermittentParps · 24/02/2020 15:36

pay for a few nights in a Travelodge for her. Bollocks to that!

woodchuck99 · 24/02/2020 15:44

Some of the responses on here are ridiculous. OP doesn't have the right to throw the lodgers stuff into the garden and/or change the locks. She has to give reasonable notice and if she destroys the property she could probably be sued.

CallmeAngelina · 24/02/2020 15:50

I have a feeling she won't go quietly.

Flutteringsatlast · 24/02/2020 15:50

Non payment of rent =sofa surfing piss taker.
Not paying lodger..
Imo.

notasportymum · 24/02/2020 15:52

actually woodchuck99 she can change
the locks and tell her to leave immediately. She can’t destroy the CF’s property but she can relocate it.

acatcalledjohn · 24/02/2020 15:52

Of course the OP can change the locks. It's her house FFS. The lodger has breached the agreement in more than one way.

Howyiz · 24/02/2020 15:54

Be aware that she won't pay her Feb rent tomorrow if you give her notice this evening. To me it would be worth forgoing the rent in order to get her out quickly, but you may need to take the rent first.

Littlejayx · 24/02/2020 15:59

Bloody hell. I couldn’t live with my best friend for these reasons. Well done OP, stand your ground

flower1994 · 24/02/2020 16:04

woodchuck99 yes she can change the locks. this woman is barely a lodger based on what shes paying, OP can do what she wants. sadly, you're correct about the property but she can box it/bag it up and move elsewhere as long as its kept safe

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