To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

No chance of her paying the rent if OP gives a 48 hours notice

Or even 48 minutes.

I would call in a sick day next Monday when then notice expires and see that everything is taken, along with having a locksmith there and then so she can not regain entry.

I agree with this and with all that frilly says, actually. I wouldn't even bother with a conversation about why you want her to leave.
I'd have someone with me on her moving-out day for solidarity too.

@woodchuck99

Yes but legally she absolutely can. Morally? That's a different matter. One is objective, the other is subjective.

I'd have her out today because she hasn't paid a penny for a month and is generally awful.

She's so not going to be in tonight when you get home! If she isn't, tell her you're bagging her stuff and leaving it outside. She's had enough chances.

Oh god, I remember your last thread! This lodger wasn't even covering costs with the piss small amount of rent you were asking for, and now she isnt even paying that?!

Please get her to leave!

One more thing, OP. I really hope you get some serious therapy for your co-dependency once this mess is cleared up. You cannot continue to adopt other people's problems as your own.

It's relevant in that was not anything the OP sought - she was doing a friend a favour. She hasn't at any time made a profit from this so-called friend - in fact, she's out of pocket.

Is not charging rent "seeking to profit"? Anyway I totally agree she should have it friend that I think all this throwing around today and changing the locks is over-the-top and out of proportion.

OP - you are far too nice. You’ve gone beyond the pale to help this woman - she doesn’t give a shit about you.

I would do what a pp suggested and change the locks and take her stuff to her mums/friends house. She sounds like a loose cannon and now she knows you want her out I’m worried what she’ll do. Even a week is a long time for her to plan something nasty (ie maybe the old kipper down a radiator trick, if not worse!)

Look after yourself and stop worrying about her, she seriously is not your friend - you’ll look back on this when you’re older and wiser and think “wtf did I let her treat me like that for?!!!”.

I agree with @ScapaFlo - she needs to be evicted tonight, @Throwawaytheatre.

It's a bit sexist, but in particular for women the councils try to prevent us living on the streets, as they recognize it leaves her at increased risk of assault etc

It is not sexist to recognise that one group are more vulnerable to assault, and to prioritise them accordingly.

Sexism is unfair and unfounded discrimination on the basis of one's sex. The risk factors attached to assault (women are at higher risk of sexual attacks and the perpetrators are usually male) are borne out by the crime statistics recorded and published by the Office of National Statistics.

OUT NOW! Don't take any of her excuses or promises. If you think there is a slight chance that you'll feel sorry for her and give her one more chance or extra time til she finds somewhere else have someone with you to help yoh stay strong. Out, out, out!

Oh Christ how did you not fling the door open and kick them both out?

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst tonight. I think she’s going to try and face you head on with this.

Just remember this woman is not your friend anymore.

I would give her a weeks notice and let her know that if she brings anyone back within this period she will be leaving with them immediately. She will not be homeless

• if she is on UC they I'll give her enough to rent another room. If you're feeling nice I'd look at a few local rooms and send them to her.

Unfortunately it's unlikely the friendship will continue, but do you really want it to? You did her a favour and she took the piss

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3780049-To-not-want-my-lodger-s-partner-round-on-NYE

This was two months ago and everyone told you to evict her then!

I don't think it reasonable rule if someone is paying market rent for a room.
The lodger has never paid 'market rent' @woodchuck99 & has paid none at all for the past 4 weeks.

I think that landlords that do this are trying to have their cake and eat it
OP isn't a landlord.
She was just doing a massive favour for a 'friend'.

Regardless, if you want to have this rule you should at least make it clear in writing before the person moves in
There is nothing in writing. This is not formal arrangement. Lodger has locked horns with OP previously about visitors, agreed to stop doing it, reneged on that agreement, & is now digging her toes in about bringing strangers who she knows nothing about into OP's home overnight.

OP, can you call her mum and ask her for help? I feel like you don’t really have it in you to get rid of her by yourself. You need a plan of action. She isn’t going to go anywhere unless you force her out. Do you have any family or friends who can help you? Someone who can give you some support in standing up to her.

Tell her she is out and that you will go through the finer points when you get home. Cheeky cow

I wouldn't even give her a week she'd be out that day even if I had to take the day off work.
That guy would would have been out on his ear that night. I don't take any shit. Don't give her extra time it's your house and if she can't follow the rules then tough she's out.

I’ve just had a look at your other thread.

Is this all worth it for £100?

She’s properly taking the piss out if you.

Lodgers don't have the same rights as tenants, if I were you I'd wait til she's out, then change the locks and leave her stuff out. What's she going to do about it, realistically?
The friendship is over, she's disrespecting you in your own home, putting you and your property in danger, costing you money and is now not even paying rent, so she's not even a lodger but a house guest.

Also I disagree with the people saying she's entitled to have whoever she wants in her room. This is not a typical houseshare situation, it's the OPs home that she owns, so she can have whatever rules she likes.
We used to rent our spare room out to lodgers (usually international students) and we didn't allow guests unless we had prior agreement. Thankfully everyone we had was really respectful and we did allow visiting friends and parents from their country to stay, for an agreed time and with PRIOR discussion. I would not have been pleased to find a random one night stand in my home.

I should add, the reason I'm advocating chucking her out right away and changing the locks is because it doesn't sound like she would go quietly of her own accord. I wouldn't bother with notice periods as she will most likely ignore them.

Papiermachecat what a load of pap. and its not a houseshare, or renting.

Why should the OP fund someone else's living costs, while they make her unsettled under her own roof?

OP has the right to quiet enjoyment of her own home, to expect her house rules to be respected and be paid on her terms. That's normal. CF has voided all of this arrangement, she owes money for her room and isn't prioritising the debt, offers nothing extra for daytime heating costs while she sits on her arse, has invited random men to the house despite knowing full well they are unwelcome, leaves mess, has given her host a sleepless night and when questioned is downright rude and obstructive. None of this is the behaviour of a friend or even a half-decent lodger.

I've been here with this many years ago, and learnt the hard way about how some people use and abuse friendship, kindness and generosity. My advice is get an emergency locksmith out if you can't take a morning off work, then put her on short notice to leave. Without a key she must be out if you're out and comes in only when you're there until notice is up. Its your house, your rules, right now she's living there for free so if she doesn't like it that's tough.

Is not charging rent "seeking to profit"?

Not when you are charging a peppercorn sum to cover increased costs, no.
And especially not when you "friend" decides to stop paying even that peppercorn sum, & starts racking up £100 heating bills.

Hasn't the friend broken the contract anyway, by not paying rent for the last four weeks?

OP, it was inevitable this was going to happen. I wouldn't tell her to leave unless I was in the house as I wouldn't put it past her to take things that belong to you.