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AIBU?

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Original poster

To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

612 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 02:08

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/02/2020 11:21

OP, not 8OP8

Bugger you, caps key!

Mumto1girl3boys · 24/02/2020 11:22

Checking in

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/02/2020 11:23

I'd urge compassion, not chucking her out right away.

Compassion is something you extend to reasonable people.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 24/02/2020 11:27

Q

woodchuck99 · 24/02/2020 11:27

FWIR of the previous thread - 8OP8 hadn't advertised for a lodger, wasn't seeking a lodger and didn't casually mention in conversation that it would be nice to have someone help out with the bills.

I haven't read previous threads but I don't see the fact that she wasn't seeking a lodger is relevant to the point that she shouldn't have them! I used to have lodgers and restricting their visitors isn't something that's going to work.

datasgingercatspot · 24/02/2020 11:28

No matter how it all falls out, I really hope you have learned some very valuable lessons. NEVER mix business with pleasure (renting your property is a business transaction). NEVER let your heart rule your head when it comes to you finances or property. And when you post on MN and get hundreds of randoms who don't know you from Adam telling you to GET RID, don't turn around and giver the pisstaker another chance to fuck you over.

AJPTaylor · 24/02/2020 11:28

Just text back
You are right. There is nothing to discuss. You have 48 hrs to leave. And I would like to know when you are paying me the rent you owe me.

woodchuck99 · 24/02/2020 11:29

You are right. There is nothing to discuss. You have 48 hrs to leave. And I would like to know when you are paying me the rent you owe me.

No chance of her paying the rent if OP gives a 48 hours notice.

Rhea1981 · 24/02/2020 11:33

People saying op can't stop a lodger having visitors. I think it's completely different if a lodger is having a friend over or even a long term boyfriend but not random men she's only just met and having loud sex all hours keeping op up. It's completely inconsiderate and disrespectful and also dangerous. I wouldn't feel safe in my home or asleep knowing there's a strange man in my house that none of us know. He could be violent, he could be a thief. If this lodger wants to live like that then she needs to go rent herself a bedsit or something not disrespect her friends home.

DillyDilly · 24/02/2020 11:33

I wouldn’t give her any notice. I’d tell her to leave immediately. Have someone lined up to change the locks or do it yourself the next time she goes out.

AmazingGreats · 24/02/2020 11:34

You absolutely can have a no visitors rule. Which I think would have worked much better than a "vetted visitors only rule"

woodchuck99 · 24/02/2020 11:43

You absolutely can have a no visitors rule. Which I think would have worked much better than a "vetted visitors only rule"

I don't think it reasonable rule if someone is paying market rent for a room. I think that landlords that do this are trying to have their cake and eat it . Regardless, if you want to have this rule you should at least make it clear in writing before the person moves in.

NoMoreDickheads · 24/02/2020 11:44

It's not true that what she does in her room is her own business- you laid out the conditions of her tenancy beforehand. As a lodger, she has very little legal grounds for anything, you can pretty much just boot her out, as this is your home.

Unless she has a child or you live in an area where there is abundant housing she will be sleeping rough.

No. If she went to the council, at the very least they would give her a list of hostels, and she could stay in a hostel. Very few homeless people are on the streets- most of those on the streets have mental health or substance abuse issues, so they either avoid the hostels or can't stay in them due to drinking etc. I know this because I've been homeless twice, and was in a hostel or B&B each time.

It's a bit sexist, but in particular for women the councils try to prevent us living on the streets, as they recognize it leaves her at increased risk of assault etc.

@Throwawaytheatre she can afford rent now, so definitely won't be on the streets. She could find somewhere new to stay within a week, from adverts etc. Also did I read she can also stay at her mum's? Problem solved, either way.

WhenPushComesToShove · 24/02/2020 11:46

There is no way on earth you should have to put up with this appalling disrespectful 'friend' in your own home. She needs to leave ASAP. Watching with interest as I love it when CFs get their comeuppance

NoMoreDickheads · 24/02/2020 11:47

I don't think it reasonable rule if someone is paying market rent for a room. I think that landlords that do this are trying to have their cake and eat it

@woodchuck99 You mightn't like it, but people can set whatever rules for staying in their home that they want. Even if people are renting a flat as an official tenancy (which isn't so in this case) they can set rules such as no smoking etc.

AnotherEmma · 24/02/2020 11:50

"It's a bit sexist" to recognise that women sleeping rough are at higher risk of sexual assault than men?!

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

madcatladyforever · 24/02/2020 11:52

My last lodger extravagantly took the piss despite a very low rent and a lovely home so when she told me she'd decided to go on holiday rather than pay the rent I gave her marching orders that day. We're both in our 50s for gods sake.
She is now complaining that her new place charges twice as much and the landlady is horrible to her.
Shame that. Don't take any crap in YOUR home.

woodchuck99 · 24/02/2020 11:52

You mightn't like it, but people can set whatever rules for staying in their home that they want. Even if people are renting a flat as an official tenancy (which isn't so in this case) they can set rules such as no smoking etc.

Yes, but the rules should be in writing. And while OP is entitled to evict her lodger she should be giving reasonable notice. I know this isn't clearly defined but I don't think putting her lodgers bags outside the door and changing the locks would be considered reasonable.

Petronius16 · 24/02/2020 11:53

OP I can understand the personal stress this is causing you, shows what a decent person you are. But your friend hasn’t paid you rent that is due. If this was a normal business arrangement - this thread would be very short. Landlords don’t usually allow their tenants to live rent free.

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 24/02/2020 11:58

Yes, but the rules should be in writing. And while OP is entitled to evict her lodger she should be giving reasonable notice. I know this isn't clearly defined but I don't think putting her lodgers bags outside the door and changing the locks would be considered reasonable.

She is effectively a guest not paying anything towards her staying there at the moment.

She is not only in arrears, she has also been incredibly rude to OP who has taken this friend in to allow her to save for her own place.

OP has been unfailingly kind, her friend has taken the piss and her rudeness on top of not paying is the final straw.

It is OP's home. Clearly she is not going to just throw her out on the streets on the spot because she sounds far too nice for that, but she is absolutely within her rights to say she has a few days to find somewhere else to stay because she can't stay with her anymore.

Her mum has space, she was staying there before. She moved because she was working which impacted her mums benefits so she asked her to leave. Friend is now not working so that problem has ceased to exist.

OP - you sound lovely, she's taken you for a ride unfortunately but you can hold your head up high that you have been very kind and reasonable. But she went too far and that's that.

confusedandtired99 · 24/02/2020 12:03

I very much doubt she’ll pay what she owes you so I would just ask her to leave immediately.

Pumpkinpie1 · 24/02/2020 12:05

A real Friend wouldn’t behave like this .
Failing to pay rent
Her putting the heating up and you getting a large bill as a result would have pushed me over the edge!
I think in the future if you ever had a lodger again you would have to specify no over night visitors
I can understand why having a strange man roaming around your house made you feel unsafe, including leaving him there when you left for work! He could have stolen anything! Including a spare key!

This arrangement has broken down as a result of the “lodgers” behaviour

I would get her out ASAP , no arguments and CHANGE YOUR LOCKS !
You owe her no consideration. Her fault she needs to get her own flat and grow up

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/02/2020 12:08

I don't see the fact that she wasn't seeking a lodger is relevant to the point that she shouldn't have them! I used to have lodgers and restricting their visitors isn't something that's going to work.

It's relevant in that was not anything the OP sought - she was doing a friend a favour. She hasn't at any time made a profit from this so-called friend - in fact, she's out of pocket. The "friend" knew and knows the ground rules. If she doesn't like them, she can find somewhere else to live. As indeed, she will have to.

And TBH - even if she was a proper lodger paying an economic rent, she can't unilaterally decide that she is going to alter the conditions of her "tenancy". She could ask to discuss it - I I suspect that if it was an established, regular BF that OP was comfortable with then a overnight stay would be ok - but it's not. It's some random the "friend" has picked up from the internet - that well-known safety haven for people seeking relationships and unthreatening sexual partners.

TWH54 · 24/02/2020 12:10

You only have to give “reasonable” notice as you are a resident landlord and she could only have at most a license not a tenancy. I would say a week is more than reasonable. You are NOT responsible for where she goes next. You’ve done your best by your friend by taking her in in the first place and she has blatantly flaunted the rules you’ve asked of her.

FabulouslyElegantTits · 24/02/2020 12:11

I'm not sure if your financial situation but I would go home now, give her weeks notice, tell her to get out now and pay for a travel lodge for her for the rest of the week. Good luck, she sounds a nightmare!