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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you if you have a real life crush on anyone?

999 replies

Rainbowb · 23/02/2020 21:25

And would you do anything if you could completely get away with it?! Mine is my daughter’s swimming teacher, he has the sexiest smile and is so good with the kids. Totally gives me the flutters but I’m guessing he’s not into overweight bespectacled women in their forties! Grin

OP posts:
Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 15:48

Might need to advertise for volunteers.

Can you think of anything more engrossing than giving men a list of tasks to do and then rate them on their attractiveness as they complete them. Under strict supervision and observation by us.

Fix my computer = competence score:7
Fix my leaky plumbing = competence score:6
Fix my leaky plumber (metaphor) = competence score (see separate chart)

MusicianTom · 17/03/2020 16:13

Ooh, leaky plumbing fixing scores way higher than computer fixing for me.

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 16:15

Hmm, I sense some debate here. Perhaps I should do a contextual inquiry to gauge competence scores pre study.

Must review the literature on this.

Darbs76 · 17/03/2020 19:34

Agh so after Tom joking he was going to take me to the theatre in our meeting last week, log on to an email he sent on Sunday (so before they announced all closed now) saying he was going to find something for us to see! Arghhh darn you coronvirus! I could cry. On the plus side going to message him to suggest he has to entertain me via I message daily as I have no adult contact! See what happens. This is just so typical! All light hearted of course, I know safety is priority right now but my God I haven’t been on a date for years.

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 19:47

Oh dear, I’ve just read back my posts and if a man talked about rating a woman that way, I’d be furious (and curious to see my score).

I must return to something more respectable. You are all a bad influence.

SuckingDieselFella · 17/03/2020 20:08

The ratings idea is brilliant.

I reckon there's a TV show in it.

SuckingDieselFella · 17/03/2020 20:13

@TheBookThief
"my #teacherTom is knowledgable and exudes such quiet confidence & self assurance, & manliness & just thinking about him gives me the fanny gallops."

That's it! That's my Tom. And it's definitely a teacher thing.

#mmmmTeacherTom

SuckingDieselFella · 17/03/2020 20:16

@Darbs76 I'm going out on a limb here but I say don't message him.

Wait until he's on blokesnet starting a thread about crushes and asking where you disappeared to. Let him message you. Men are a bit slower on the uptake than us but sooner or later he'll get it.

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 20:18

Well, if there had been any of those kind of #teacherToms around when I was in the profession, perhaps I would have stayed in it.

Now searching for a #handymanTom as decided intellect is overrated in our apocalyptic future (and need some shelves fixing).

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 20:20

@SuckingDieselFella

Better not mention it to guys on housepricecrash site , eh?

All their Christmas' at once.

Darbs76 · 17/03/2020 20:24

@SuckingDieselFella - he will probably reply to my message (which was relying to his about the theatre) so won’t be a completely new message, just a reply. I’m going to go stir crazy with no adult company, so I need Tom for some light entertainment. No dates anyway no. Booo

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 20:32

@SuckingDieselFella

On the theme of ratings shows, I'm thinking along the lines of those 80s Japanese dhows where there was a real risk of bodily injury or lifetime humiliation.

3 female contestants, by podiums. Crush potentials come out and complete a series of tasks (fix computer, identify parts of a blender and put them in the right order, stack a dishwasher with the most items of cutlery, hoover an area, etc). Thh tasks become increasingly difficult and evaluated on a skills:

  • use of space when working (does he destroy the whole house when doing one small thing?)
  • completeness (does he tidy up mess afterwards)
  • expectation (does he think taking it out of the box, moving it in from the porch or shifting out of the way of the telly is all that is required)

Final tier round would include

  • sorting the laundry with 2 small children and feeding baby.
(can he separate whites properly?)

Countdown

  • duvet test - how many duvets can he cover before an expletive? First to swear loses.

Obviously, the women are behind a cordon, invisible to the men and they do not know they are being rated.

Instead we will have to call the show 'Marine training for the modern man - come and compete' and it will be hosted by big, burly, gay ex marines who will encourage them in posture, deportment, farting etiquette when on task.

Christmas Special

Ru Paul hosts and the guys do drag make up on each other to go undercover at the Rio carnival.

Man who creates most convincing Queen wins.

I think I've created a winner. #allrightsprotected

peaceanddove · 17/03/2020 20:42

@Allaboard that is a magnificent concept. Have you considered yet what the Toms would wear? Could I suggest they all wear the same generic uniform of shirts with sleeves rolled to elbows, work pants and steel toe capped boots?

saucyspice · 17/03/2020 20:45

Yep, my neighbour! We had a bit of a thing and he admitted he felt the same way but he is moving to Dubai in October for at least a year so didn't want to pursue anything Sad

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 20:46

Yes, yes.

Top half - sleeves, as you say rolled up with a nice crease on the fold.

Bottom half - I'm going for a Parisien Gendarme look here - charcoal grey cargo pants with a DM like boot. Nothing to get the skinheads too excited - just something to let the men know this is business.

Gosh, I may need to syndicate this idea. There will be considerable research involved in testing the crushable qualities on an international scale.

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 20:49

Oh, and yes, the temperature will increase as the tasks get tougher. Ned to see them strip to their boxers test how they would cope under #desert storm conditions

Grand finale - a #marineTom vs #dragTom danceout - like to see the odds Paddy power would give on that one

powkin · 17/03/2020 20:54

Yuuuup ex work colleague. He’s just left and his wife’s just had a baby so a bit of a non starter! Also I’m married yadda yadda. He knew and was gracious about it, don’t think he liked me that way or would never say even if he did. Had to go home early on his leaving do due to ruddy DD screaming for hours and being called to come home so will never know if he would have drunkenly confessed his love for me.... I once had a male friend who fancied me and who I fancied a lot but who had a girlfriend and he’d hug me and kiss me on the cheek but in a way that was held for a bit too long and it still makes me feel hot under the collar... that’s the sort of little thing that would have driven me crazy!

SuckingDieselFella · 17/03/2020 21:04

@Darbs76 Toms are not light entertainment!

Toms are people too.

You need to play it cool here. Don't mistake your Tom for a girl pal. Do not, repeat, do not send him messages asking if he's still in his pyjamas at 3pm or if it's ok to have cereal for all 3 meals of the day.

There's time enough for him to find out your bad habits. Remember how skittish and easily frightened they are.

SuckingDieselFella · 17/03/2020 21:09

@Allaboardthemagicbus2020

You know who's going to win that show, right?

James May.

I wouldn't say no. It's the geeky expertise thing again.

SuckingDieselFella · 17/03/2020 21:12

@saucyspice

What kind of excuse is that? #idiotTom

He won't be going anywhere now, will he? Wait until the penny drops. He'll soon forget about social distancing.

Allaboardthemagicbus2020 · 17/03/2020 21:20

No @Sucking.

I'm putting my foot down there. Will have to add in a clause in the contract. None of that lot are allowed compete.

I'd love to see John Barrowman on it. He could guest present with Ru Paul.

SuckingDieselFella · 17/03/2020 21:24

He isn't that lot. They're three different people.

Didn't you watch Man Lab? The Reassambler? He is #geekTom personified.

Lots of women want a bit of Captain Slow. Blush

Teenagemaw · 17/03/2020 21:36

Aaargh my gym is on lock down no more #rippedtom

Teenagemaw · 17/03/2020 21:37

I must add he is ripped in a gentle sexy Blush

peaceanddove · 17/03/2020 21:37

Oh oh can I please be involved in the vetting and recruitment of all the Tom candidates as I feel I have some expertise in this area. Only thing is I'm only really properly discerning for 3 weeks per month. Then when my ovaries ping into action all bets are off and I morph into a foaming loon of lust. It's like being shackled to a madwoman once a month so you might need to employ me in a routine admin role whilst I ovulate and keep me chained securely to the desk

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