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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think some of you are awful?

344 replies

KMW79 · 23/02/2020 20:34

I have been mainly just reading (over the past 6 months) the popular threads on the ‘mumsnet daily’ via email inbox.

Honestly I have been so shocked by the influx of negative, unhelpful and destructive responses that people receive. Even when people don’t agree with an OPs opinion or a respondents reply or even whom the OP was posting about, so many are seemingly so keen to attack in such a virile nature! Name calling, aggressive, viscous responses when someone asked for a basic opinion.

Elaborating on why someone is or isn’t being unreasonable doesn’t require an attack on either side of the viewpoint. It blows my mind how nasty people can be, and I don’t believe that was what this forum was created for!

Could this forum maybe return to what it was intended for?

OP posts:
MotherOfAllNameChanges · 23/02/2020 21:47

Didn't used to be so mean 🤷‍♀️

Witchend · 23/02/2020 21:48

Indeed. I've been practicing for ages.

Ragwort · 23/02/2020 21:49

I like the straight talking on here, people are mostly straightforward and blunt, I've had my views and opinions challenged and that's been good for me and made me think more carefully.

I don't want to be on some fluffy, 'hun loving' site ... if you don't like it, find another site.

FernFurze · 23/02/2020 21:51

I think that fair enough, @Harakeke — I’m simply saying that some of the most incandescently outraged people posting about how Mn is Not Nice have some sugary idea that it’s a sort of pastel hive mind of ‘Oh, bless’, and stutter with shock that someone has, say, pointed out that babies called La-a are a long-running urban myth, so your friend the midwife definitely didn’t deliver one, whatever she says.

Ragwort · 23/02/2020 21:51

Mother how long have you been here ? I've been here practically from the start, over 19 years, Mumsnet has always been great for robust discussions. It's not 'mean' to have your views challenged.

Littlemeadow123 · 23/02/2020 21:55

Well, you are the one coming on here telling people that they are awful. Confused

Harakeke · 23/02/2020 21:57

@FernFurze

Yep I hear you. I do like the fact that MN posters call out lazy assumptions, bad information and urban myths.

But in my nine years using this forum I've definitely noticed some needless nastiness, it's quite distressing to see sometimes, especially when an OP is clearly vulnerable and still gets told they're stupid.

Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea · 23/02/2020 21:59

If it wasn't for the people of Mumsnet telling me what I didn't want to hear in a very blunt way I think I would still be in a very abusive relationship that was damaging not just me but my children. At the time I thought people where just being nasty but then I looked at my posts from their point of view and realised they were just telling me the truth. Maybe not in the nicest of ways but 4 years on I ow so much to this forum. They told me what no one in RL was brave enough too.

katewhinesalot · 23/02/2020 21:59

The tone of mumsnet had changed over the years. It's not as good and nowhere near as supportive.

1Morewineplease · 23/02/2020 22:00

Mumsnet AIBU always attracts opinions that either agree with you, disagree with you or sympathise with you somewhere inbetween.
That is the nature of this forum.
Perceived attacks are usually taken personally because the poster doesn’t like the response.
Sometimes the poster hasn’t thought through their argument or thought about the ensuing debate.

katewhinesalot · 23/02/2020 22:02

You can say difficult things in a kind and supportive way. There is no need to be horrible when Disagreeing or pointing out things.

Babyg1995 · 23/02/2020 22:04

Yanbu there are some truly horrible woman on here I dread to think what there like in rl .
There's some completely bonkers people too .
Then there are some really nice people I've luckily on had replys from the really nice ones but I usually just stick to the parenting/ pregnancy boards .

FernFurze · 23/02/2020 22:04

That’s good to hear @Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea. And well done on getting out.

Original poster
KMW79 · 23/02/2020 22:06

That is exactly and all I wanted to say.

OP posts:
NoveltyFunsy · 23/02/2020 22:12

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow

Seems unpopular but i agree with you - relatively new here, young first time mum, asked for some advice about getting my baby to sleep better and was bombarded with truly awful posts about how i shouldnt have had a child if i didnt want to take care of it, how selfish people like me shouldnt have babies, how stupid i must be to have had a baby if i didn't want broken sleep, etc. I ended up name changing because several truly awful people made me feel like such a bad mother that i didn't want to be associated with my original username on other posts about other things. And i cried for a week.

Really? Shame you name changed or you could have proved that you were hard done by

Most posts like this have more nuances than just "can anyone give me any tips on getting more sleep? I tried x y z"
From the response you say you got, your posts probably had a lot more detail. I cant comment on what was said, but I have noticed that a lot of posters here get through the nitty gritty quite quickly to the real problem.

Which is why there are literally 100s of posts with OP: AIBU? Everyone else:YES OP: you're all wrong and I am right

(And yes, to the op, do we really need a thread on how nasty mn is every week??)

GlummyMcGlummerson · 23/02/2020 22:16

YY @NoveltyFunsy (love the username I'm currently on episode 2 Grin) very suspicious when people come on and claim they were so very nice and all the meanjes attacked them for asking a simple question, hmm Hmm

Original poster
KMW79 · 23/02/2020 22:18

As I don’t post on here ever I don’t know if my replies are showing up as replies specifically to other posters or generally! As OP though I’m aiming to say that you can still give your opinion without being unkind or aggressive to either side of the argument, and you can reply without using unnecessarily unkind words. I can freely say that I think some people are being ‘awful’ without directing it to anyone or any situation. As I previously said, maybe I didn’t realise that the ‘AIBU’ section of mumsnet was a free for all in regard to how negative opinion could be expressed.

OP posts:
Hello54321 · 23/02/2020 22:19

I completely agree with you OP, I've noticed that lately, people seem to be especially nasty to other posters.

People are so brave when they are hiding behind their keyboards aren't they? There's no way these posters would say the stuff to people in real life because they wouldn't get away with it.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 23/02/2020 22:19

@Absolutepowercorrupts i posted on the sleep board in parenting. About my child's sleep. Not sure if it gets more specific than that.

thickwoollytights · 23/02/2020 22:20

Maybe I didn’t realise previously that AIBU was a forum to say whatever you wanted regardless of who you were speaking to or what you knew about them apart from one post. I’m not even being sarcastic! I just didn’t know it was a ‘roast’ post, where everything went. My bad.

Confused

After 6 months ok'd reading you didn't get the AIBU vibe so you're posting your horror of it, now?

Jeez ... maybe you need to work on your intuition 🙄

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/02/2020 22:25

❤❤❤❤❤❤. I've gone all cooey daft looking at that gorgeous little.🐖

Suzie2021 · 23/02/2020 22:26

I definitely agree with you OP.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 23/02/2020 22:26

Yanbu there are some truly horrible woman on here
This is a massive assumption that all nasty posters are women. Mumsnet is an anonymous site.
Ok, the name is Mumsnet but don't automatically assume that all posters are women.
Most responses here aren't sugar coated, posters will be honest, sometimes more cruelly than necessary. Just go and look outside of AIBU.
At the back end of last year I saw a post from a woman, her husband of 17 years had smacked her across her face.
The amount of support she had was amazing, I mean really incredible. The thread went on for a few days and the woman left.
She spoke at a conference about DV and gave credit to the women of Mumsnet that had helped her leave.
I've seen many instances of massive support from the collective posters.
AIBU is not the be all and end all of Mumsnet

Fuckbrexit · 23/02/2020 22:27

Imagine going to a pub (for example) and not liking the way the people there talk. Then going there regularly for six months just inwardly seething about how much you dislike all the people in the pub and how much nicer it could be if they would all just say different things. You could go to a different pub, there's loads, but you dont. The people in the pub have been going there for years and are quite happy in there. Then one day you go in and just tell them all they are doing pubbing wrong and should all say things you approve of. What do you think they would say to you?

Hadenoughofitall441 · 23/02/2020 22:27

You’ve probably realised you’ll get attacked for this thread. I’ve never understood why people can’t except other people’s views and when they can’t they become little nasty demons. If everyone had the same views in the world it would be a boring place. It’s good to have some originality. It’s because the really nasty vile people don’t have the perfect life they would like to have so they get thier kicks by kicking people who are already down which is why they come on here for support. Cowards Some of the people on here are. not gonna be upset if someone doesn’t agree with me because it’s just my opinion 🤷🏼‍♀️