AIBU to think some of you are awful?

[KMW79]

I have been mainly just reading (over the past 6 months) the popular threads on the ‘mumsnet daily’ via email inbox.

Honestly I have been so shocked by the influx of negative, unhelpful and destructive responses that people receive. Even when people don’t agree with an OPs opinion or a respondents reply or even whom the OP was posting about, so many are seemingly so keen to attack in such a virile nature! Name calling, aggressive, viscous responses when someone asked for a basic opinion.

Elaborating on why someone is or isn’t being unreasonable doesn’t require an attack on either side of the viewpoint. It blows my mind how nasty people can be, and I don’t believe that was what this forum was created for!

Could this forum maybe return to what it was intended for?

@WhatKatyDidNot I suspect you're speaking to deaf ears there.

@funinthesun19

The thread about not doing the school run for another mum has really annoyed me.

Full of horrible narrow minded people that one

I’m trying to support OP on that thread. Narrow minded is right. And I doubt half of them would help anyone.

@GinDaddy

Secondly, is questioning the definition of someone's word usage, "patronising"? I wasn't displaying superiority. I was questioning whether any Internet site should be proud of being vicious and vile.

Yes you were patronising and mansplaining. Yawn.

Pretty sure MN would lose money if they were to make AIBU become all fluffy, it's a popular board because of its harshness.

Secondly, is questioning the definition of someone's word usage, "patronising"? I wasn't displaying superiority. I was questioning whether any Internet site should be proud of being vicious and vile

Threads like this always give me a feeling of déjà aibu.

Secondly, is questioning the definition of someone's word usage, "patronising"? I wasn't displaying superiority. I was questioning whether any Internet site should be proud of being vicious and vile

Saying:
Do you know what "vicious" actually means?
would have got this point across.

Adding the dictionary definition "Deliberately cruel or violent"
made it seem patronising because instead of questioning whether vicious is something people should aspire to, it suggests that you genuinely believe the poster using the word doesn't know what it means. It also makes you look like you're mansplaining because anyone can use a dictionary and people don't need you to look up words for them.

made it seem patronising because instead of questioning whether vicious is something people should aspire to, it suggests that you genuinely believe the poster using the word doesn't know what it means. It also makes you look like you're mansplaining

I thought it was funny since it was entirely clear that I'd only used the word "vicious" because the OP had tried - and failed: poor SPaG, bless - to use it. Otherwise the joke about being a "virile and viscous" mum wouldn't have worked. What with mums being unlikely to be, well, virile.

So on a patronising and a mansplaining front? 0/10

Verdict: must try harder!

(Yes, yes, I know it's very AIBU to mock SPaG. Sue me.)

There’s a lot of stuff written on here that the posters would definitely not say to someone’s face. Very rude and very unkind!

There’s a lot of stuff written on here that the posters would definitely not say to someone’s face. So what? Every day when I’m driving people do stuff they wouldn’t try in the queue in the post office. Different venues have different standards.

I think of MN like a street and features of the street represent the different topics;

The school = Parenting
The houses = Relationships
The cafe/pub = Chat
The hospital = General Health

The gutter = AIBU. This is where the sewer rats reside. The place is teaming with them, all rabid and aggressive, salivating at the thought of tearing the next poster to shreds.

There’s a lot of stuff written on here that the posters would definitely not say to someone’s face. Very rude and very unkind!
Context matters. There's many situations offline where most people would keep their thoughts to themselves or keep with vague platitudes in the name of keeping the peace or its trivial and doesn't matter. Online if someone asks a forum their opinion on something then they're going to get unfiltered opinions.

Eg.
Woman decides she wants her hen do as 5 days in Marbella and her bridesmaids to be involved in multiple pre-wedding activities. She's finding her friends are pulling out of things and is upset/annoyed by it because they're her friends and they don't care, but because two of the bridesmaids are in long term relationships so maybe they are jealous of her and her wedding.

Offline responses would probably be along the lines of 'of course your friends care about you and your wedding. I'm sure they're just busy'.

Online responses would probably be more honest and tell the OP that she's actually being really unreasonable and selfish to expect her friends to repeatedly drop everything around her wedding plans with the blunt but true fact that nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do.

Just online you risk the unpleasant "why are you such a fuckwit" types as well.

Sometimes people ask the questions and then dislike getting honest responses.

Yep. I only post questions on a forum when I know that real life people are likely to tell me what I want to hear, and I suspect that might not be the best advice.

Then I filter out all the stuff that really doesn't apply for one (very good) reason or another (like when posters have invented stuff or added 2+2 and made 63), and ignore any abuse. In general I'm left with good, honest advice/opinions.

But in general I save OPs for my other forum. MN is too weird, in general. Too many people who have such strong biases and knee jerk reactions.

I massively agree OP! I think it’s more of a keyboard warrior thing, you can say what you want if it’s not to someone’s face I suppose!

I think of MN like a street and features of the street represent the different topics

I think of MN being like Lord of the Flies!

I think of MN being like Lord of the Flies!

I love that comparison.

The gutter = AIBU. This is where the sewer rats reside. The place is teaming with them, all rabid and aggressive, salivating at the thought of tearing the next poster to shreds.
Since you posted this in AIBU I assume you're including yourself in that cohort?

you can say what you want if it’s not to someone’s face I suppose!
This keeps getting trotted out, time after time. Why do people think/assume/want an online forum should reflect a face-to-face conversation? Why?

Seems like a good opportunity to dust off this old’un...