AIBU to think some of you are awful?

[KMW79]

I have been mainly just reading (over the past 6 months) the popular threads on the ‘mumsnet daily’ via email inbox.

Honestly I have been so shocked by the influx of negative, unhelpful and destructive responses that people receive. Even when people don’t agree with an OPs opinion or a respondents reply or even whom the OP was posting about, so many are seemingly so keen to attack in such a virile nature! Name calling, aggressive, viscous responses when someone asked for a basic opinion.

Elaborating on why someone is or isn’t being unreasonable doesn’t require an attack on either side of the viewpoint. It blows my mind how nasty people can be, and I don’t believe that was what this forum was created for!

Could this forum maybe return to what it was intended for?

Yanbu op. It's not about people agreeing or disagreeing with the op, there is sometimes a lot of unnecessary malice.

I thought it would be supportive to other mums!

Yes, you would think that, wouldn’t you? And every now and again when MNHQ delete some of the cuntier threads, they give lip service to being a place to support parents

If you are just reading AIBU then your view of MN will be skewed by that.

By its very nature, quite a lot of the OPs on AIBU will be being unreasonable, hence the responses often being somewhat robust. AIBU is also 'goady' central, and you will find some people start highly controversial (or just plain untrue) threads for kicks: wind 'em up and watch 'em go.

Many people are super cruel on here.

I think it might be time in general to have a conversation about:

Why are women cruel to each other so much?

Is it a feeling of competition? Have we become hardened?

Interesting points - I have no answers

I have been on here 8 years and AIBU has always been very blunt. Not to be used if you are feeling sensitive.

It’s the nest of vipers, you can’t really expect anything else.

Buffy used to say "My bad".

Are you Buffy in disguise, OP?

9 years on this site and I've always thought of it as honest rather than unkind. There are some dicks, obviously, because there are dicks in all walks of life, but the majority are people offering kindness, support or honest advice. Sometimes all three.

The reality is if you look for the shit, you'll see the shit.

It's always been blunt on here (which is why I liked it and originally joined) but recently it seems like there's an element of competitive nastiness.

@HPunlimited234

I agree with what you say (but don’t quite understand as to why you had to reregister...)

It’s almost like the anonymity in here is a licence for being a massive nasty twat to strangers on the internet (a lot who are vulnerable new mums) and that is pretty scary.

100% guarantee at a Mumsnet meet up everyone would be sweetness and light.

In here though, that’s where true colours shine though.

A lot of sad, empty and ‘what the fuck have I done marrying this loser and having kids with him that drive me crazy on the daily’ people who see this area of the forum as their chance to let off their own personal frustrations at their own bad life choices.

I read for the entertainment. I’ve been here for 15 years.

I had to reregister to reply to this because it’s exactly what I’ve been thinking.

Yeah of course we read it.

And we don’t have to.

Does that make it ok to be an absolute cunt to people on the daily?

Seems so 🤷‍♀️

Well, we are really. Oh well.

Do you know you are on AIBU?

Next please.

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow
It's a shame that you didn't get the support that you were hoping for. Perhaps one of the other boards would have been more helpful. Have a good look at other sections, some are very specific and I've seen tremendous support for new mums from concerned posters.
There are so many different sections of Mumsnet and AIBU is not known for being supportive.
People post in there for "traffic" and AIBU is renowned for cruel vicious comments. As the saying goes if you can't stand the heat.
@KMW79
Could this forum maybe return to what it was intended for
I'm assuming that you're not Justine Roberts, so it's really not up to you to police this Internet forum.
If an anonymous Internet forum is free to use, you are the product.
You take your chances and possibly grow a thicker skin.
pigletJohn
You are spot on and incredibly helpful with your advice. Go Piglet

Hooray...Yes you are quite right ....Trolls is the term i think ....I'm afraid it just goes to show how many bitter & twisted people are out there !, of course there may be a need to point out something more negative if it could be helpful but there are ways to do that with consideration! Some people seem to post inflammatory comments because they enjoy drama & it's pathetic ....I assume those that do are friendless & miserable so they join discussions like these to vent their poisonous thoughts !

Being serious, I think people here are honest.

I think if you read many AIBUs, people are asking these questions already having a seed of doubt that they are BU. It's a self selecting board.

I like the bluntness of mumsnet. When everybody else is trying to sugarcoat your worries, mumsnet says it straight.

Only thing I hate is the stereotyping of what a single mum and her life must be, and the nastiness they put step parents through.

Virile and viscous in one OP.

You couldn't make it up.

😂😂😂

I think it’s the people who appear to be used to some kind of echo chamber of ‘You Ok hun?’ and ‘Oh, bless!’ who struggle. Or can’t tell the difference between robust disagreement and malice.

There are sometimes people on here who appear to have never been disagreed with, and regard someone pointing out that their position on something is ill-informed as akin to an axe in the head.

I don’t think I’ll post here for advice anymore you do just in general get set upon.

I missed ‘virile’, @UpCloseAndPersonalWithGlenda. Brilliant.

We’re both manly and sticky. Sort of like macho jam.

Sadly, I agree that there are a lot of twattish posts / posters these days and , contrary to some other comments on this thread, I think it HAS changed.
When I joined 15/16 years ago, it was much smaller, posters didn’t name-change every two minutes and twattish comments /posters were rounded upon very quickly.
These days, the site is much, much bigger and constant name-changing allows posters to be contrary for the sake of it, which is really not helpful. And social media in general has exploded allowing people the anonymity to spout utter shite / pointlessly aggressive bollocks for the fun of it. It’s become the norm.
I don’t think this will change any time soon. You either take the rough with the smooth or back away from it completely if it gets you down.
I read but rarely post these days as I don’t know who anyone is any more and have no time in my life for bullshit.

I'm still laughing about it, @FernFurze

It has fair made my day.

I think people say things in response to posts and it's total lies. People make out they are so moral when in reality they are not. It's so easy to hide behind the Internet. But hey ho

If the woman that took 10 days off work in a few months is included in this, I agree. Comments from people that have no idea what it's like to live a life with ridiculously heavy periods and the limited options you have to control them when you're looking at ttc. There is options but you actually need to convince a doctor it's affecting your life. Sometimes because it's only for a few days a month, you ignore it and hope the next one will be better. The pile on there was something like a pack of wolves on Bambi!

We need to remember though that half of MN's are professionals with no souls! They don't think anything other than earning 6 figure salaries makes you a person worth living!

"I think it’s the people who appear to be used to some kind of echo chamber of ‘You Ok hun?’ and ‘Oh, bless!’ who struggle. Or can’t tell the difference between robust disagreement and malice."

In the last week I've reported posts calling an OP thick, stupid, and a bitch. I think anyone would struggle with that - I would, and I'm not a "hun" type. I never start threads anymore for this reason, I'm too reluctant to tap into that bile.

It's fine to disagree, or to be upfront. But calling someone names or belittling them is not "telling it how it is".

I’m sorry you lost me at viscous and virile. I am awful. Suggest a book if feeling fragile