AIBU to think some of you are awful?

[KMW79]

I have been mainly just reading (over the past 6 months) the popular threads on the ‘mumsnet daily’ via email inbox.

Honestly I have been so shocked by the influx of negative, unhelpful and destructive responses that people receive. Even when people don’t agree with an OPs opinion or a respondents reply or even whom the OP was posting about, so many are seemingly so keen to attack in such a virile nature! Name calling, aggressive, viscous responses when someone asked for a basic opinion.

Elaborating on why someone is or isn’t being unreasonable doesn’t require an attack on either side of the viewpoint. It blows my mind how nasty people can be, and I don’t believe that was what this forum was created for!

Could this forum maybe return to what it was intended for?

Viscous 😳

But surely the point is that one person’s ‘nasty dig’ is another’s appreciated tough love? Some people on here clearly expect an echo chamber of agreement, or post some dopey, hackneyed nonsense that’s been done a million times that week, and the way they behave, you’d think they had literally never been disagreed with, or had to deal with someone telling them to do their homework/ cop themselves on.

I’ve never paid any attention anyway. It’s not like a Mumsnetter making a comment in a snide way is going to make me change my mind.

I don't think MN shows people's true and honest selves. Certainly in AIBU people show their nastiest side, but I really don't think that's people's true selves. It seems to be more of a type of amusement, a bit of a game to catch people out and trip them up. They enjoy watching others squirm.

@Knucklehead101, ‘viscous’ AND ‘virile’.

Defiantly virile.

Saying OP sorry but I think you should consider doing x,y,z.... is very different to telling them they're a fucking halfwit who should be shot. Especially when it's over something as trivial as using a toilet brush.

Especially when it's over something as trivial as using a toilet brush
You use a toilet brush. 🤮 How disgusting.
Call yourselves a MNer.

(Joking, obviously )

I got eaten alive in a thread I started yesterday. Wished I hadn't bothered.

I'm trying, and failing, not to laugh at the thought of being a (defiantly) viscous and virile mum.

AIBU is the site's bear pit, OP. Correctly SPaGed, it's supposed to be vicious and vile. That's its USP! Plenty of fluffy sub-boards to choose from if that's your bag.

Not unreasonable, some people are downright horrid. However, I still think that at least some members are not who they claim to be and have it in for the site because of transgenders issues.

Was it deleted @Oblomov20? Because I can't find it.

@Luckystarr777 ... and MRA in general are aplenty on here. All those 'my wife doesn't love me any more/we never have sex/I love her so much' threads which pop up relentlessly in Relationships. They always attract the NAMALT women. And no-one ever sees them for what they are!

Yes BIWI.

Oh dear - must have turned into a real bunfight!

The thread about not doing the school run for another mum has really annoyed me.

Full of horrible narrow minded people that one.

Saying OP sorry but I think you should consider doing x,y,z.... is very different to telling them they're a fucking halfwit who should be shot. Especially when it's over something as trivial as using a toilet brush.

I do agree about that kind of language, but some of these threads are the limit. Posters who are too precious to allow anyone else to use their toilet, even when they're trying to sell their house. (What's the difference between their shit and a stranger's shit? It smells the same.)

I always have visions of a potential buyer coming with a potty training toddler and imagine the said toddler pissing on the carpet because her toilet is too precious to allow anyone else to use.

Some people deserve a good pasting. Because they refuse to accept how unreasonable they actually are.

@WhatKatyDidNot

"AIBU is the site's bear pit, OP. Correctly SPaGed, it's supposed to be vicious and vile. That's its USP!"

Ridiculous.

Do you know what "vicious" actually means?

"Deliberately cruel or violent".

Do you want to be associated with that? Is that really the USP of this board?

Can anyone actually answer why we can't have a board where people post dilemnas, and users respond openly robustly (in terms of unvarnished, direct and non-sugarcoated advice) without it needing to be "deliberately cruel"?

@Mittens030869

"Some people deserve a good pasting"...wow.

@GinDaddy, AIBU is a registered trademark. The bunfights here get featured on (perhaps sold to?) The Daily Mail on the reg. @WhatKatyDidNot is spot on.

But thanks for coming on and patronising her and asking if she even knows the meaning of the perfectly ordinary words she is using. We all appreciate it so much.

@LeavingTheTable

"Thanks for coming on and patronising her " -

Firstly, I didn't "come on here". I'm not new to these here parts so to speak.

Secondly, is questioning the definition of someone's word usage, "patronising"? I wasn't displaying superiority. I was questioning whether any Internet site should be proud of being vicious and vile.

I know about the Daily Mail, I know about the notoriety of AIBU.

Does that make it right? The Daily Mail publish clips of people getting their heads stomped on in car parks, that gets perhaps sold to them. Is that ok?

Just because something is notorious, does not make it desirable.

YABU for failing to question something which is famous for being vile and awful.

It was meant to be a joke, but it probably was too strong. I'm not the one who gives pastings, I'm usually one who stands up for OPs. But I'm going through a very hard time (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, PTSD and adopted DDs with attachment issues), so OPs worrying about strangers using their toilet or some other trivial issue do annoy me right now.

I'm sorry for causing offence, jokes don't work on here as you don't see the twinkle in the other person's eye.

Do you want to be associated with that? Is that really the USP of this board?

I don't want it to be anything! I'm just saying that's what it is. You want constructive, productive discussion on topics you're most interested in? Go to one of the specialised boards. You want an argument for the sake of an argument? AIBU's for you.

That's how it is. Neither good nor bad. Horses for courses. You can't change it by getting annoyed by it - you just become part of it yourself.

Mittens030869
I got your joke.

There's never an excuse for nastiness, but some people do need a grip handing to them.
AIBU to think the neighbors shouldn't now their lawn at 11:30am on a Saturday?
AIBU to think that my MIL should just know not to use my display towels/premium guest soap in the downstairs toilet?
Should I LTB because he folded the laundry and put it away, but didn't fold and stack it Marie Kondo style?
I've been doing free childcare for 7 years for my friends but am going back to work. AIBU to tell my friends I can't do this because I'm at work?

@WhatKatyDidNot

"That's how it is. You can't change it by getting annoyed by it - you just become part of it yourself."

Seriously?

So message boards are cast in stone, are they? An unchanging framework in which we just have to sit and populate and follow each other like lemmings?

I don't become "part of" anything. I note (as many others do including the OP) that culture can change - WE are the factors that determine the board.

There's no such thing as "it's how it is" otherwise why bother voting, or doing anything?

I don't become "part of" anything. I note (as many others do including the OP) that culture can change - WE are the factors that determine the board.

Then using a fairly aggressive tone might not be your best tactic to persuade me! As I say, you're doing it yourself!

Look. AIBU is well known to have the most er... robust tone of the boards on the site. It attracts the users who like an argument. It is what it is. Not fluffy and not persuaded by the Mumsnet version of the #bekind hashtag.

I get it that people who are nasty seemingly for nothing more than nasty's sake try the soul. I get it that AIBU likely isn't the best place for newbies to land on if they want to get a good early perception of the forums. Perhaps removing it from Active would be more productive in that regard than having AIBU-style bun fights about how awful AIBU can be?