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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to tell friend she's probably poisoned DH?

173 replies

PineappleDanish · 23/02/2020 11:52

Out for dinner at friends' last night. Starter was mussels in a creamy sauce - one of DH's favourites. All of us ate it. Tasted fine. We've eaten mussels lots of times in the past, no allergies, experienced enough to tell if something tastes "off". All good.

DH this morning has symptoms which strongly indicate food poisoning. Strongly suspect the mussels, although it's weird that he's ill and I'm fine.

WIBU to text friend and say "thanks for lovely night but DH chained to the loo, just thought you should know"?

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 23/02/2020 12:02

*food... It so was not good. Envy

bobstersmum · 23/02/2020 12:03

I always thought if shellfish is bad you are ill pretty fast after eating, not the best morning?

AriadnesFilament · 23/02/2020 12:03

Yes, definitely send that message........if you want your friend to be really upset and perhaps never talk to you again.

If it was food poisoning from the mussels you’d all be ill. He might have had one bad one, but that’s not her fault. Or he might have a stomach bug.

HopefulFor2020 · 23/02/2020 12:07

Does she cook mussels often? It's not like cooking a whole chicken where if one portion is bad the rest of it is. If one bad/open mussel was cooked in with the rest then only the person who ate that particular one would actually get sick, it won't 'infect' the rest of the batch.

Same thing if your DH prised open a closed mussel after cooking.

I'd probably mention in a lighthearted way that he's not feeling great but absolutely not pointing the finger, maybe make out that you think it's a bug but it'll get her thinking.

I love mussels and think I'm very careful when preparing them but I'm far too paranoid to serve them to anyone else

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/02/2020 12:08

When did he last have mussels? They seem to be a food that a lot of people suddenly can’t tolerate anymore at some point.

He might have had a bad mussel - although they usually taste rank so I’d have expected him to taste it if he loves them! - or he might just not be able to tolerate them anymore. Or he could have picked this up from somewhere else... it’s unlikely to be food poisoning if the rest of you are fine.

And I wouldn’t send that text even if it was, it looks like a friendship ender to me!

Stressedout10 · 23/02/2020 12:08

I would send a apologetic message to let them know that your dh is ill and might have passed a tummy bug on.
If you are correct in thinking that it's food poisoning then chances are 1 of them will be ill and say something, and if you are wrong it saves wrecking a friendship with a false allegation whilst giving them a heads up that they may get ill

Original poster
PineappleDanish · 23/02/2020 12:09

I know it's not her fault. She's a good cook and knows what she's doing. I've had proper food poisoning once - from a petrol station prawn sandwich - eaten at lunchtime and I wasn't ill until 12 hours later.

His symptoms are classic food poisoning. Hopefully he'll be starting to feel better soon.

OP posts:
AlandAnna · 23/02/2020 12:12

I wouldn’t. I would feel awful receiving that text. Yes it may have been a dodgy one but probably not her fault.

LellyMcKelly · 23/02/2020 12:12

There’s a sickness bug doing the rounds at the moment. I know three people who have had it, including my DS. I’m fully expecting to have it myself in the next few days.

datasgingercatspot · 23/02/2020 12:13

It may not have been the mussels. Unless he's had a test, it's hard to be 100% sure it is food poisoning and not something else, especially as you are fine. Wouldn't send that message.

diddl · 23/02/2020 12:14

If either her or her husband were ill-wouldn't she be asking if you two were OK?

Or just send a message saying thank you for last night & see if she comes back with anything?

chuck7 · 23/02/2020 12:16

Don’t do that. If you had both come down with something then maybe but in this case it just seems really really rude

Thinkingabout1t · 23/02/2020 12:16

I once shared a seafood meal with friends, most of whom got sick while one didn't. The one who didn’t had eaten more than the rest of us! Just luck whether you get a dodgy one or not.
As Summerhouse suggests, i would message asking if the others are ok.
Worth finding out how to tell if anything is safe or not, eg tapping the shell.

AnyOldSpartabix · 23/02/2020 12:17

His symptoms are classic food poisoning.

There are several different types of food poisoning. Poisoning from bacterial toxins will differ from bacterial food poisoning, and viral food poisoning.

Anyone who’s taught you there is a way to distinguish food poisoning from an infection spread from another person was not very well educated on the subject.

Grumpelstilskin · 23/02/2020 12:18

That's a really shitty text. Unless you all have been sick it really is not a given that it was anything to do with your friend's meal. If you sent me this text and no one else had been sick, I'd not invite you for a meal again.

Sally872 · 23/02/2020 12:18

If it was a restaurant tell them so they dont give it to anyone else. What is the point of telling friend? I presume the mussels are gone and others will get it or not. Also "classic food poisoning" and sickness bug symptoms are the same.

TokyoSushi · 23/02/2020 12:21

No! What are you hoping to achieve other than making her feel bad?! Somebody did this to me once, about a takeaway that we'd reccommended that we had at our house, only her DH was ill, I didn't even cook the food and I still felt awful!

TokyoSushi · 23/02/2020 12:21

Or is this a reverse and somebody has done it to you?

ScarlettDarling · 23/02/2020 12:23

I think it's a risk you take when you eat mussels. It only takes one bad one and it sounds like your husband got the bad one. I wouldn't text your friend though, can't see how it could help the situation.

AriadnesFilament · 23/02/2020 12:26

I know it's not her fault. She's a good cook and knows what she's doing

So what would be the point of sending her that message other than to make her feel bad? What is it that you’re hoping to achieve?

whitesoxx · 23/02/2020 12:26

God no 😂 he'll be over it soon. Just got a dodgy mussel. It's the risk you take

MrsAJ27 · 23/02/2020 12:26

You would be so rude to txt your friend...Why would you even think of that?

worryingAbout · 23/02/2020 12:27

You can get norovirus from mussels may have been that he a contaminated one

coconut21 · 23/02/2020 12:27

What do you aim to achieve by telling her? What do you wsnt the outcome if a discussion to be. Can't see much can be done now, do no point in upsetting her or creating tension.

katy1213 · 23/02/2020 12:30

What's the point of telling her now? The mussels have been eaten, it's done. If indeed that's what caused it.