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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
onionface · 23/02/2020 11:29

Anyone holding a wedding where their guests have to travel are self absorbed as fuck, let's be honest.

Sometimes it's unavoidable. What are people getting married who are from opposite ends of the country or from different countries supposed to do?

But yeah, destination weddings where everyone has to travel are a bit ridiculous.

I wouldn't be using up precious holiday time and money to take my 5 month old to a destination not of my choosing, no matter how good a friend it was.

FinallyHere · 23/02/2020 11:29

are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around

You may have been a close group but this bride is clearly keen on the 'no children' approach while three of you have new borns

Sounds as if your interests are diverging

No need for anyone to feel guilty. It is just highlighting something that would have been happening anyway, just not quite so obviously.

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 11:30

Flowery - i agree. Take baby on trip and pay for bsbysitter during the ceremony

lol- theres no way i'd ever leave my baby or child with a stranger in a different country

RoomR0613 · 23/02/2020 11:30

They might have invited 150 people but I bet the number who actually end up attending is actually far far less.

Even if lots of people say they are coming initially lots will suddenly find they have work commitments etc when it comes to having to actually spend money in advance or use up annual leave.

Seen it happen over and over again and the huge wedding suddenly gets remodelled as being small and intimate for a 'few special people'.

flowery · 23/02/2020 11:33

” flowery so DH couldn’t attend the wedding. Would also involve double the expense of going to the wedding but only one person could attend. May be you have money to burn but many people don’t.”

OP has not suggested that the reason her DP/DH wouldn’t attend the wedding is because they could only afford flights for one of them. Maybe that’s the case, but I don’t think I’m assuming everyone had “money to burn” by assuming that many people would go with their partner to this type of thing.

omali178 · 23/02/2020 11:33

This reply has been deleted

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MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 11:33

Seen it happen over and over again and the huge wedding suddenly gets remodelled as being small and intimate for a 'few special people

I'm gobsmacked! Surely people must know if you have a destination wedding, loads of people wont go? its really self absorbed to expect people who might be financially struggling to spend what little they have in their budget for holidays on your wedding! As you said, its not just money- its annual leave entitlement, childcare issues, etc

MadamePewter · 23/02/2020 11:33

There’s no way I’d have left mine at 5 months to go to a wedding abroad, and I am by no means a precious mother.

MadamePewter · 23/02/2020 11:34

I’d also find it a bit rubbish without my partner tbh

NeedCoffeeNowRightNow · 23/02/2020 11:34

I am all for childfree weddings but the moment you make it a destination wedding you will just have to accept that people need to bring their kids.

jpclarke · 23/02/2020 11:35

If you have already had a conversation with the bride about this I would just send the decline with regret card back and let her come up ye if she wants I wouldn't go making it bigger for yourselves. She will know it's coming. When people choose to marry abroad then this is part of the consequences.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2020 11:36

onionface exactly. Many weddings nowadays will involve some amount of travel as very few people now stay in their home town and never meet anyone from further afield, not necessarily abroad. But when planning a wedding you need to take into account that some people won’t be able to come due to travel/cost.

But destination weddings are just selfish when you expect all guests to spend a fortune so they can see you get married in a pretty venue that has no links to anyone. Just go there for your honeymoon.

2020newme · 23/02/2020 11:37

No way would I have attended a wedding like this. Neither of my DC ever had a bottle and I couldn't express, so it would have been impossible.

Just decline politely.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 23/02/2020 11:37

It's totally her right to have a child free wedding, can't be doing with people who moan about kids not being allowed.
HOWEVER in this case, the bride has no right to be annoyed at the fact that people aren't going to want to leave their babies to go abroad, she should have thought about that before making it child free!
Totally natural not to want to go off to another country leaving your baby behind, she's being totally unreasonable.

strawberry2017 · 23/02/2020 11:38

I suspect numbers will be much lower, how on Earth are all the people going to get childcare.
Her attitude will change when she has her own kids. Until then don't you dare feel guilty just politely decline and if she's a bitch about it then she's not a friend x

Genevieva · 23/02/2020 11:38

If you are intending to breastfeed you won't be able to go very easily. I have a friend who married when most of us had small children and chose not to invite them, but was disappointed by the number of people who politely declined the invitation. Such is life. We chose to make our wedding family friendly and inclusive, so everyone came and I loved having the little ones there, but each to their own. Do what works for you. A wedding isn't unmissable.

partofthepeanutgallery · 23/02/2020 11:40

Three of the bride's best friends have young babies and you're all on maternity leave by the sounds of it, so limited income, too. And she still wants a destination wedding over a school holiday period where it costs 2x as much for everything?

Just send your regrets. if she moans, spell it out for her. And point out that if she ever has children, to remember how she acted.

CalamityJune · 23/02/2020 11:42

She's no grounds to be annoyed. Expensive destination weddings are very selfish in and of themselves. Expecting people to leave their children behind is even worse!

I would also be interested to see if she has such a callous attitude towards her own baby if she has one.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/02/2020 11:43

This could be anything from not realising that her friends cant just up and leave their babies and go abroad for a week, to not wanting to let go of care free partying without children around that will be the centre of your attention.

I love seeing children at weddings too, but it is her choice. If she has 150 guests then I doubt she'll miss another 3. I'd just send the decline, no need to have a big conversation about it, if that was needed she would have initiated it.

lilgreen · 23/02/2020 11:43

Completely understand your point of view. Would it be possible to go on holiday there with your partner and just you go to the wedding while he looks after the baby? If your other baby friends did the same you could end up having a great baby free day and night!

sweetkitty · 23/02/2020 11:46

Some people don’t have anyone to look after their DC even if they wanted to go.

TheReef · 23/02/2020 11:46

It's all personal preference. It's the bride and grooms prerogative to have whatever type wedding they want, however the more rules and requests they make they also have to understand the less people will likely attend

ferrier · 23/02/2020 11:47

Anyone who puts conditions on an invitation must expect refusals.

hm246 · 23/02/2020 11:48

I’m totally for child free weddings but weddings abroad are different. My little boy is 5months I couldn’t leave him at home for a week. My DH would need to take time for work.

Skysblue · 23/02/2020 11:48

Personally I would never leave a five month old to go to a party abroad. They are too young to understand where mum has gone and if she’s coming back and will be v sad.

At 5 months old your baby will not yet be eating any solid food. Are you planning on breastfeeding? It’s a whole lot more convenient than making formula in the middle of the night / when out and about (plus healthier and cheaper than formula). But if you are breastfeeding you will not be able to go away for a weekend without baby.

Your friend sounds like a selfish idiot to be honest. If you are all really so close then she would have asked her best friends how they’d feel about a child free wedding/ if they’d still be able to come, before making a decision.

Tell her you can’t come. People hmwho marry overseas should expect a tiny amount of acceptances.