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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
milveycrohn · 23/02/2020 11:07

I have always assumed couples have destinations weddings to avoid having too many guests. It is a good way of limiting numbers, without the problems of restricting invites.
You do not actually say whether you already have your baby, who will be 5 months at the time of the wedding, but I would not have left a 5 month old for a number of days (even with relatives well-known to the baby).

Vulpine · 23/02/2020 11:08

Flowery - i agree. Take baby on trip and pay for bsbysitter during the ceremony

SudokuQueen · 23/02/2020 11:11

Flowery - i agree. Take baby on trip and pay for bsbysitter during the ceremony

Not sure I would leave a baby with some random person in a different country to be honest.

SoupDragon · 23/02/2020 11:13

Do people really leave their 5 month old baby with a random babysitter in a foreign country?

LaurieMarlow · 23/02/2020 11:15

In fact it might have been the welcome break you needed to help make it stop.

Why would you want to make it stop? Confused

The child was hardly going to starve to death.

That’s hardly the point.

OP I think you’re well within your rights to turn the invite down. And explain why. I’m all for childfree weddings more generally, but I don’t see how that works for mothers of small babies.

DDIJ · 23/02/2020 11:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

LaurieMarlow · 23/02/2020 11:16

Do people really leave their 5 month old baby with a random babysitter in a foreign country?

Friends of mine in this situation brought parents along to babysit. They made a bigger holiday out of it.

Not possible for everyone I know.

RuggerHug · 23/02/2020 11:17

150 guests, she has enough people there. It's a shame but that's what she's chosen so I wouldn't feel guilty about declining.

AgeLikeWine · 23/02/2020 11:17

YABU to be annoyed. Her wedding, her choice about who to invite. Full stop.

She is being U to be annoyed that friends who have small children may not be able or willing to attend without them. Your family, your choice. Full stop.

carly2803 · 23/02/2020 11:17

no way woud i go and leave my young child!

especially breastfeeding!

EstebanTheMagnificent · 23/02/2020 11:20

By the way - tell her sooner rather than later. Once the ‘declines with regret’ start rolling in it becomes more likely that you will become a lightning rod for her frustrations. I speak from sad experience and our friendship has never really recovered.

Toria70 · 23/02/2020 11:20

We don't attend weddings now if they involve any amount of travel or overnight stay. I do always politely point out on the RSVP that the time and cost involved in travel is the deciding factor for us. After one family wedding in a themed hotel (Swiss Chalet style, with a lovely view of a motorway from the windows), we felt like we'd been held hostage and robbed................ never again.

Anyone holding a wedding where their guests have to travel are self absorbed as fuck, let's be honest.

Anthia · 23/02/2020 11:20

YANBU

curlsnotfrizz · 23/02/2020 11:20

I would not go to a wedding abroad to leave a 5 months old alone...

both of mine were EBF at that stage but even if not, I would not have gone.

The bride is entitled to a child free wedding but if she invites guests who have babies, then she just needs to expect that some people will not turn up.

mytypeonpaper · 23/02/2020 11:21

We had a child free wedding unless they were babies. However if we were getting married abroad we would never except our guests to leave their children

curlsnotfrizz · 23/02/2020 11:22

Flowery - i agree. Take baby on trip and pay for bsbysitter during the ceremony

because it is a doddle to find a trustworthy babysitter in a foreign country where you may not even speak the local language. Hmm

BahMooQuack · 23/02/2020 11:24

Anyway, never mind destination weddings I always on this sort of thread trot out my story of a destination work farewell. The woman I repalced in a job (years ago) had a VERY strong personaility and decided her farewell was going to take place over a bank holiday wekeend in a European city. I was brand new so thought I had to go. Her team (mostly on close to minimum wage) seemed to feel they had to go also (loads of grumbling behind the scenes) and away we went. I defintiely felt |i had been hijacked and robbed that time.

I still sort of hold that up as my litmus test of selfish entitled twattery.

flowery · 23/02/2020 11:24

I wouldn’t pay for a local babysitter, just get DP/DH to do it. Seems an obvious solution to me. I am assuming OP is with the baby’s father, obviously.

Raindropsandspaceships · 23/02/2020 11:25

Any possibility of taking your child and staying elsewhere? Just not bringing baby to the wedding?

If you really want to go that’s what I’d do, but I’d only stay for a short time and make sure she knew why.

Jaxhog · 23/02/2020 11:25

She's made her choice to have a 'destination' wedding during school holidays with no children. Three strikes, I think! But I don't really blame her for not wanting kids at her wedding. Even if they may not be running around, babies attract attention (away from the bride).

She's going to get a lot of declined invitations. I don't blame you for not wanting to go.

Surfer25 · 23/02/2020 11:26

Don't go.

The price alone would put me off.

Jaxhog · 23/02/2020 11:26

destination work farewell.

Wow! I'm amazed that anyone went!

Iloveacurry · 23/02/2020 11:27

You’ve made the right decision. I wouldn’t of left my 5 month old to go aboard for a wedding!

Wait until she has kids, she’ll change her tune then.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2020 11:28

flowery so DH couldn’t attend the wedding. Would also involve double the expense of going to the wedding but only one person could attend. May be you have money to burn but many people don’t.

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 11:29

I wouldnt spend money on someone else's destination wedding, kids or not.

Thats the deal when you have destination wedding- you have to expect that lots of people will decline. If having your close friends all there is really important to you, then dont book a destination wedding. It really is as simple as that.