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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
QuixoticQuokka · 23/02/2020 10:47

While I am in agreement about small babies, i hardly think not being able to BF a three year old for a long weekend is quite the problem you make it sound. In fact it might have been the welcome break you needed to help make it stop. The child was hardly going to starve to death. I said under 3, so when my child was a toddler or a two year old. He had a routine and and was used to using the breast for comfort when he was very young. I didn't need a break 'to make it stop', we were both happy to continue. I left him with family for a few days at 3, he was perfectly fine and continued to breastfeed once I was home, but I couldn't have done it at two.

Shockers · 23/02/2020 10:47

I wouldn’t go. Your baby is your priority.

SudokuQueen · 23/02/2020 10:52

150 guests for a destination wedding? Unless she is royalty or a celebrity, I rsally doubt that. Grin

Also, of course people she spoke to are going to say 'sure I'll leave my child behind, bugger off to another country for a wedding, during the school holidays'. Yeah, right. I think they might be more keen on an actual family holiday rather than the parents getting one and the kids not. Again, I'm assuming she is a regular person and you aren't all among the rich and famous who could afford this. They just won't tell her to her face because shes gone into bridezilla mode and won't be reasoned with, so they tell her what she wants to hear and will decline later by post/email/text/whatever.

74NewStreet · 23/02/2020 10:53

Agree not being able to leave an almost three year old because they’re breastfed is bordering on the ridiculous.

cstaff · 23/02/2020 10:53

I have no problem with child free weddings if they are local but expecting people to travel abroad over the summer holidays without their kids is outrageous. I think she will be in for a shock when she gets her RSVPs back. Her numbers could easily be cut in half.

SudokuQueen · 23/02/2020 10:53

Oh yeah, don't go. Forgot to say that. And I would back away for a while, if she's this crazy already, the next few months will be hell.

Branster · 23/02/2020 10:54

Tricky one. It would be very hard to leave the baby behind. As a compromise you’d need to bring a partner/another family member to act as the nanny keeping the baby away from the wedding ceremony and meal.
I personally wouldn’t go.
I don’t understand this concept of not having babies and children at weddings. There’s nothing better than seeing children at a wedding, after all that’s what the union is all about in my very traditional view. Besides, it’s an occasion full of people who would love to take turns and entertain the children. I can’t think of a single wedding I attended where children were missing.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2020 10:54

It will be interesting to see if it is one of those wedding venues where you get a better deal if you can fill the whole venue with all your guests, and it gets more expensive if you can’t

GothamProtector · 23/02/2020 10:55

If she kicks off at you just reply with
"Don't be so bloody rude"

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/02/2020 10:57

She’s spectacularly missed the difference between older children and babies. I was exclusively breastfeeding dd at this age. No way would I have left her for so long, especially not to go abroad even if I were bottle feeding.

I’ve read comments in the past on here about brides, who are so insistent not even babes in arms can attend suddenly become very pfb when it comes to their own children. Her getting upset with you when you discussed logistics would indicate she’s probably going to be cross with the 3 of you. I didn’t really appreciate the difficulty of leaving your dcs before I had my own. All I knew was children and parents just came as a package for most events. It never would have occurred to me to exclude them.

FieldOfFlameAndHeather
Why would a parent breastfeeding a 2 year old have to “make it stop”?

FET2020 · 23/02/2020 10:57

You can’t leave your 5 month old baby for several days

Cardboard33 · 23/02/2020 10:59

We left our baby for the weekend when he was 5.5 months to go to one of my uni friend's wedding. He was breast fed but would happily take bottles so I just left my mum with a stash of frozen breast milk, pumped when I would have otherwise fed him for the weekend and got it all home on the plane to replace the frozen milk that my mum had used.

It was a really good weekend and I'd do it again if we had another baby. I'd left him with other people for a few hours before but never overnight. Tbh I didn't really miss him (although it was all my husband and I could talk about) and it was good to get away for the weekend.

Alternative is that you take the baby on holiday but just not to the wedding. We took our baby abroad for the first time at 4 months and that was so much easier than now when he's almost one and climbing around everywhere.

MsJaneAusten · 23/02/2020 10:59

Please can you update us with how many people actually go? It won’t be 150.

ISpeakJive · 23/02/2020 11:00

She'll probably change her mind...

Foslady · 23/02/2020 11:01

I have no issue with child free weddings.
I do have an issue with brides who then stamp their feet because people abide by the rule and say ok no thanks then.
Hope your bride isn’t one of these but odd she is then tough on her, it’s not her child to dictate over.

Ihavetoomanyfeelings · 23/02/2020 11:01

I think it's a bit much to start calling the bride inconsiderate and selfish, it's her wedding and she is completely entitled to have it however she wishes, whether that be with children or without.

She is unreasonable to be annoyed that OP can't go and low attendance is a risk for having an inclusive wedding where guests can't bring their babies however that is still her choice to make and shouldn't be getting criticism for it.

Every wedding I've been to has been 'family children only' one reason being to reduce costs, and another being that generally you will know the temperament of a family member child and know their likelihood to behave. While I can understand it's disappointing, the bride may very well have a clear idea of how she wants the wedding to go and doesn't want to risk crying babies through the ceremony/friends with babies constantly worrying about said children/friends with kids all forming a circle and not paying any attention to the wedding/requesting music being turned down so baby can sleep/needing to do changes, feeding through speeches and meals/.

While I personally love weddings with kids and if I get married I will be allowing babies/kids to attend, I can 100% understand that not everyone feels like that. The bride has probably spent a lot of money on this day and doesn't want to risk it potentially being ruined by anything. She isn't unreasonable and you are not unreasonable for not going! Accept that everybody does things differently it is NOT a slight on you or your friends.

alphabunny · 23/02/2020 11:02

How do you plan to tell her? In person or via message?

BlueJava · 23/02/2020 11:02

I wouldn't go - saves the stress, hassle and money and you are able to stay with baby. Win.

Luunaa · 23/02/2020 11:03

I would never leave my 5 month old and it's selfish of her to expect you to. I'm assuming she doesn't have kids as if she did she'd know how hard it'll be for you.

joystir59 · 23/02/2020 11:04

IMO if people want guests to attend their wedding they should make it possible for them to do so, not almost impossible difficult.

joystir59 · 23/02/2020 11:05

Why get married abroad and make it childless, then expect close friends with going babies to attend? Why get start with them.when they decline? Selfishness.

PerceptionIsReality · 23/02/2020 11:06

YABU in terms of your specific question. However YANBU not to go and to tell her to get a grip if she whines about it.

fairlyplump · 23/02/2020 11:06

She is being totally unreasonable to expect people to attend a wedding abroad, and expect people to pay premium prices, and leave their children behind. If she gets the hump with you, then so be it

DisappointedLemur · 23/02/2020 11:07

5 months is young to leave a baby. You don't know what kind of sleepers they're going to be one of mine was straight through at that age another was a bloody nightmare would sleep for an 1hr max.

I've declined an invite to a wedding as I couldn't find childcare, wasn't received well. Shows people's true colours.

flowery · 23/02/2020 11:07

I’ve no idea why everyone is assuming no babies at the wedding means leaving baby thousands of miles away for long periods. Confused

Even if bride doesn’t want babies at the ceremony or reception, why does that automatically mean leave at home for the whole trip?