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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
ScarlettBlaize · 23/02/2020 19:46

@AutumnCrow it was (although I barely remember it!) And a good basis for the subsequent 18 years of marriage that they enjoyed together.

Excluding your own grandchild (& being neutral about the prospect that this may mean your own adult child won't be there) just seems really horrible, callous and a bad way to start a marriage.

We didn't have any guests or a party at all, but we did have our parents and children at the registry office. Because excluding your own parents/kids from your wedding is a really strange thing to do, unless you're estranged.

Russellbrandshair · 23/02/2020 19:54

I would find a man wanting to exclude his own grandchild from his wedding very strange and not a great indication of the sort of person he is tbh

I agree. I find that horrible

Livpool · 23/02/2020 20:00

I don't judge child-free weddings but people should realise that it means more people may decline.

I do judge people who don't want their own grandchildren at their wedding. Not exactly a 'joining of 2 families' event 🤷🏼‍♀️

Katjolo · 23/02/2020 20:14

Ridiculous! Don't go.

JRUIN · 23/02/2020 20:24

Her wedding her choice. I definitely would not leave my baby a 5 months old though, and your friend is BU to get annoyed at you about that.

MulticolourMophead · 23/02/2020 20:32

@Evilspiritgin I'm certainly not gleefully waiting for declines, I'm being realistic. It's a wedding in school holidays, in a place that isn't a major holiday area by the sounds of it, and expensive to boot. I simply don't see that many people are going to spend money on it, especially if it impacts on the likelihood of a family holiday.

EvilPea · 23/02/2020 20:38

I went to one when mine was similar age left for under 24 hours was completely pressured by dh and thought it would be good for my mum. Wished I hadn’t bothered, really not worth it.
One way round it is to take child care with you so they stay in the hotel.
I can 100% see that working.

EmmaBridgewater20 · 23/02/2020 20:58

She's being totally unreasonable, not about not wanting children there, I get that but being off with you when you don't think you can leave your 5 month old is pretty disappointing! You might have a really easy bottle fed baby, I'm still not sure you'd want to leave them at 5 months. If they don't settle for anyone but you, or are breastfed then it's an absolute impossibility.

I think if there's 3 of you affected maybe you should sit down as a group and discuss it with her.

I got married at 26 we were massive party animals, we didn't want children but I knew even from that vantage point that that could not include 'babes in arms.

Neolara · 23/02/2020 21:05

I wouldn't have left my DCs at 5 months for a wedding. Presumably you would have to leave DC for at least 48 hours if the wedding was abroad. I bf and neither my boobs nor my DC's would have coped with the separation.

Pinkerpellosa · 23/02/2020 21:13

I left my 5 month old baby with my mum to go to a wedding an hour away. I left him for 5 hours. He was upset and I was stressed. So was my mum.
Now I know leaving him with his dad is different but there is no way I'd leave a baby that young overnight. Never mind going to a different country for a weekend/longer. Just a hard no.
It's ok to say no, it won't work for you

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 23/02/2020 21:24

The child is about 2 I think. They live in France and my partner doesn't see them often. Not estranged, just not close. I don't really have a relationship with his daughter and not looking for one.

MadamePewter · 23/02/2020 22:04

The child? Heartwarming...

Yesterday22 · 23/02/2020 22:05

YABU to expect her to change what she wants for her wedding day to suit you. It’s her day.

YANBU not to go, you should not have to leave your baby for any reason unless you are ok with it.

She is being unreasonable if she does not understand this or is angry with you for this. But she will be hurt, so might be best for you to tell her you’re so sad to miss her big day, but you can’t leave the baby, instead of telling her she’s being ridiculous not to allow DCs at her wedding.
If it’s at a resort, could you not all take your DCs but arrange childcare on the wedding day? Or has she insisted your DCs not come on the trip at all?

snowone · 23/02/2020 22:11

I wouldn't be going - I wouldn't go abroad and leave my DC and she is 11 months old.

Electrical · 23/02/2020 22:13

The whole point of getting married abroad is so as barely anyone attends. Just decline, say obviously you won’t be discarding your kid for a week, so have a lovely day, you’ll see her some other time.

Willow2017 · 23/02/2020 22:24

Forgot to say that I don't believe in children being at weddings anyway, especially at the reception. A wedding is a solemn adult occasion, with risque 'speeches'.
Never been to a wedding where the speeches were so 'risque' that they had to cover the kids ears!
A wedding is a celebration not a deathly solemn occaision.

If the bride doesnt want kids, fine, but she has to realise that people arent going to just abandon babies for a trip abroad for one day or several days depending on how demanding the bride and groom are on her say so.
Time she grew up!

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 23/02/2020 23:31

The child? Heartwarming

Why else am I'm supposed to call it? The brat? The thing? The sprig? Grin

Nanny0gg · 24/02/2020 00:12

@HeadachesByTheDozen

You do realise that child-free weddings are a relatively new phenomenon?

HeadachesByTheDozen · 24/02/2020 00:44

@Nanny0gg On the contrary. From research it is children at weddings that is relatively new thing.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 24/02/2020 00:48

@Willow2017 Posters above have given examples. I question how many wedding receptions you've been to if you've never heard anything risque in any wedding toasts/best man speeches. Of course it's a celebration, but more often than not it is not a G-rated celebration.

Humina · 24/02/2020 00:49

Not a chance in hell I would go or have gone in your position.

BumbleBeee69 · 24/02/2020 00:49

Child free Weddings are not a new thing... It's the Groom and Brides decision obviously but equally they must accept that people will decline invites... it's the nature of Weddings unfortunately... you will never please all of the people all of the time.. 🌺

TheVelvetOnion · 24/02/2020 01:23

If she doesn't want kids there that's fair enough but as your friend she should never expect you to leave your baby to attend, that's just ridiculous and selfish.

My baby is nearly 5 months old and I could never leave him. My friends would never expect me too. I'm sorry she's put you in this shitty position.

whatisheupto · 24/02/2020 01:40

Few mums would leave a 5 month old to go abroad out of choice (ie. Holiday, not work).

Megan2018 · 24/02/2020 01:45

My baby is 5 months old, EBF and can’t be left as doesn’t take a bottle. But even if she did I wouldn’t be leaving her to go abroad. I wouldn’t be leaving her for any wedding.

Bride can do what they like though-but she sounds like a bit of an idiot if she can’t see that this will impact her friends.