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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
lynzpynz · 23/02/2020 16:54

I had a child free wedding, but then I gave 18m notice and it was only down the road!

With little notice, it being abroad, and 3 friends with very small babies I would decline and sure the couple if they have any sense will understand why.

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 23/02/2020 16:59

with risque 'speeches'.

Good grief, unless they are horribly coarse and graphic, in which case I wouldn't be impressed or amused either, I've never heard a speech that was so risque that the children present either cared, listened or understood.

Sparklingbrook · 23/02/2020 17:03

I had a child free wedding, but it was very small and nobody had babies.

One not child free wedding I went to a toddler yelled the bride's name all the way through the vows. Angry

I don't think children enjoy weddings much anyway, especially the boring (to them) speeches bit.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 23/02/2020 17:12

As a childless person planning a second, childfree wedding - can I just say I'm perfectly aware (as are most people without children btw) of the difficulties of leaving young children.

However, my wedding will be childfree because we don't want children there. If people decline politely, fine. If they whinge, moan, question our decision, call us selfish and generally make a drama about it, then yes, we are going to be annoyed.

As you were Wink

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 17:15

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

the issue was the wedding was abroad AND child less. Then the bride was annoyed when her friend said she might not be able to go.....

ClubfootMaestro · 23/02/2020 17:21

However, my wedding will be childfree because we don't want children there. If people decline politely, fine. If they whinge, moan, question our decision, call us selfish and generally make a drama about it, then yes, we are going to be annoyed

Spot on

74NewStreet · 23/02/2020 17:24

Not wanting children at your wedding is the only reason anybody has a child free wedding Grin.

And why not? If you wouldn’t invite someone to an evening down the pub they probably don’t really belong at a wedding reception either, no matter how cute they look in their little suit or frilly dress.

Russellbrandshair · 23/02/2020 17:26

Wow lots of projection going on in this thread. Have a child free wedding if you like. But don’t whine and moan when people decline to come

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 23/02/2020 17:39

Wow lots of projection going on in this thread. Have a child free wedding if you like. But don’t whine and moan when people decline to come

But no one is. The OP said the bride seemed annoyed, but for all we know the OP could have been critical of the brides decision (oh and it's nit just the brides decision in most cases - my partner doesn't want children there at all, nit even his grandchild) or she felt that the OP was trying to guilt her into allowing children, or a million other things. I would be upset if my closest friend turned down an invite to my wedding for whatever reason and that might come across as annoyance.

Bridezillas do exist, I agree, but it seems that this poor woman is being condemned and called selfish for making a perfectly reasonable decision.

Yes, there is a lot of projection on here, and a lot of judgemental twaddle. But then MN doesn't approve of anything other than a registry office and pub lunch - presumably with every child known to the couple in attendance.

I did have children at my first wedding, no I'm not vehemently against them. However, that was a long time ago and I've been to weddings in recent years where entitled parents assumed that their child was more important than the actual couple getting married and so were fine to scream, cry, play, annoy others and interrupt vows and speeches. We don't want that. No one really wants that.

Russellbrandshair · 23/02/2020 17:44

The OP said the bride seemed annoyed, but for all we know the OP could have been critical of the brides decision

This what I mean by projection! You don’t know the OP was critical, the OP actually seems to be really struggling because she is caught between wanting to see her friend and not wanting to leave her baby. How do you know this woman isn’t a bridezilla? Did you miss the part that it’s also a destination wedding aswell? So not only are three of her friends going to have to spend money travelling, they’re all going to do that with very young babies. It’s completely unreasonable of the bride to be annoyed and expect people to travel abroad for her wedding. That’s the rule of destination weddings - you expect people will decline.

Cheeserton · 23/02/2020 17:52

I can totally understand why someone wouldn't want several babies at their wedding. YABU.

Just decline if you don't want to go.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 23/02/2020 17:58

I have no issue with a child free wedding. Parents don't parent well at weddings and "cute" child noises and behaviour are really annoying! I'm happy to leave my two behind. If I can't , I can't.
Add in a destination wedding, which I'm not going to anyway as I don't want to spend my holiday with your friends and family...
If we did this as a Venn diagram. Friends, friends with children, friends prepared to go on your expensive destination wedding trip AND leave their kids for a week and that dot in the middle is really small!

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 18:00

If we did this as a Venn diagram. Friends, friends with children, friends prepared to go on your expensive destination wedding trip AND leave their kids for a week and that dot in the middle is really small

Exactly- its almost as if the bride has made it as hard as possible for people to attend yet weirdly, is then annoyed people are saying no!

leomama81 · 23/02/2020 18:05

Very selfish, but all overseas weddings are selfish, expecting friends to spend a fortune to attend. Rude in the extreme

Wow! As someone who had an overseas wedding I can certainly say we don't. As another PP said, it's an invitation not a summons.

Not sure the bride is the rude one here !

Fr0g · 23/02/2020 18:19

Its a shame her 3 best friends won't be going because she won't allow babies.
Selfish bridezilla should have thought about that before choosing an expensive location and issuing the 'no baby' edict. Yes it's her day, but expecting guests to fork out £xxxxs to attend?

I'd imagine with a new baby, there's a lot of other things you can prioritise to spend the money on.
She may have sent 150 invitations - i expect the actual number that turn up will be less.

ferrier · 23/02/2020 18:20

If you wouldn’t invite someone to an evening down the pub they probably don’t really belong at a wedding reception either

It's very clear that some people have completely different ideas as to what a wedding is about!

74NewStreet · 23/02/2020 18:32

I know what weddings are about. I also know how most wedding receptions tend to pan out 🤷🏻‍♀️

DocMarteens · 23/02/2020 18:37

"Child free" weddings are not my thing so it gives me the perfect excuse to not go. There are legitimate reasons (newborns, health conditions, special needs etc) why partents have to be available to their children and we don't have the means to get someone to cover that need. IMO she's being small minded.

ScarlettBlaize · 23/02/2020 18:57

@Leighhalfpennysthigh
oh and it's nit just the brides decision in most cases - my partner doesn't want children there at all, nit even his grandchild)

Don't you think that's quite sad and not a great reflection on him?

I was at my grandfather's second wedding, aged 2 1/2, as were my baby sister and my step-grandmother's grandchildren.

It was a celebration of two widowed people finding happiness again and brought two families together.

I would find a man wanting to exclude his own grandchild from his wedding very strange and not a great indication of the sort of person he is tbh.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 23/02/2020 19:03

I would find a man wanting to exclude his own grandchild from his wedding very strange and not a great indication of the sort of person he is tbh

Then it's a good job that I'm marrying him and not you then, isn't it. I have no problem with his decisions. We don't want children at our wedding. It's as simple as that. His daughter and son in law may come alone, they may not. Either way it's fine.

AnotherEmma · 23/02/2020 19:08

Leigh
How old are the grandchildren?

ScarlettBlaize · 23/02/2020 19:08

We don't want children at our wedding. It's as simple as that. His daughter and son in law may come alone, they may not. Either way it's fine.

Sounds like a great basis for your future relationship with his children and grandchildren Confused

AutumnCrow · 23/02/2020 19:08

I would have been breastfeeding my DS at five months old and very, very skint after maternity leave, so no I wouldn't have been able to accept such an invitation.

@ScarlettBlaize that sounds like a lovely wedding.

Thehop · 23/02/2020 19:10

Absolutely don’t go! If she doesn’t want children she must know that some parents can’t and won’t come.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 23/02/2020 19:12

Good grief, unless they are horribly coarse and graphic, in which case I wouldn't be impressed or amused either, I've never heard a speech that was so risque that the children present either cared, listened or understood.

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago. A colleague of my husband. The couple getting married have 2 young children and various nieces and nephews from toddlers to teens. There were also the parents, and one grandparent there.

The bestman "fucked" his way through the entire speech. The "c" bomb was dropped a number of times. He went on for about 20 minutes and finished with a poem called "Fucked".

It was very very uncomfortable. Even my husband who would claim to be a bit rough around the edges felt it crossed a line at about the 10 minute mark... And it just kept on going, and going.

Absolutely unnecessary. The groom is quite a nice, quiet fella. But he had to have known what the bestman was likely to come up with??