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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
wombat1a · 23/02/2020 14:58

I'd be declining the invitation along with a note saying if you're doing anything to celebrate local that I can bring by baby too please let me know as I'd love to come to that.

Lindy2 · 23/02/2020 14:59

Nope. I wouldn't go to that.

At 5 months old my baby was still BFing. As she had a cows milk protein intolerance she couldn't have had formula so couldn't have been apart from me.

SoupDragon · 23/02/2020 14:59

No different to leaving ones baby with 'a random stranger' in thìs country.

In this country you have recommendations from friends, you understand any registration/police checks or it's family/friends.

Not sure how the nationality of the said babysitter is relevant

It isn't and I certainly never said it was.

zonkin · 23/02/2020 15:15

I'm going to go against the majority here and say that I love a child free wedding (I have 4 DC).

However, I don't go to destination weddings. I would be especially put off if it was in the school holidays and so flights and hotel costs will be elevated. Our family holiday time is precious. As is the budget for our holidays.

Bathroom12345 · 23/02/2020 15:20

Maybe they don’t want the wedding ruined by crying babies who parents think the baby is the centre of the event. I had been to far too many where the parents allowed the babies to cry, insisted on sitting at the front and made a real noise trying to leave the church pew when the vows were being said all the time mumbling sorry, sorry with a grin on their faces!

I had a small wedding and no children ( as you can probably guess!)

Bikerider2020 · 23/02/2020 15:22

That's fine @Bathroom12345 but you can't then be annoyed that people don't want to attend.

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 15:25

Maybe they don’t want the wedding ruined by crying babies who parents think the baby is the centre of the event

Yes, maybe they dont. But they dont then get the right to bitch and moan when people arent attending do they?! You cant have it both ways

icannotremember · 23/02/2020 15:26

Her wedding, her choice. She can't whine if people don't go though. I wouldn't go (as much because of the cost and use of precious A/L as the child free insistence) but I wouldn't be pissed off with her unless she was grumpy about non attendance.

Bathroom12345 · 23/02/2020 15:27

I honestly wouldn’t be annoyed. I would understand. It’s not the babies fault they start crying at the wrong time or that there parents are too self absorbed to do something about it. Plonking yourself in one of the front rows because your baby wanted to see the ‘colours’ and then making a lot of noise when you had to move because the vicar stopped the ceremony really spoilt it for the bride and groom.

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 15:28

OP said: "I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed" so she is annoyed and she doesnt have a right to be

GameSetMatch · 23/02/2020 15:45

Nah I wouldn’t leave a five month old. Don’t go.

Notthebloodygym · 23/02/2020 15:47

It doesn't matter if someone is annoyed when you make a decision that they do t like, about your life and business. Her wedding is her business but your life , and where you go and whether you leave you child, is yours. People are often annoyed if they can't ha W what they want. You need to learn to deal with that, so that you are not always swayed by others opinions.

Hopoindown31 · 23/02/2020 15:51

Politely decline, if anyone asks say you will have a young baby do can't attend a child free wedding.

Evilspiritgin · 23/02/2020 16:09

Maybe bride was “annoyed “ because she thought by mentioning it op was trying to get an invite for the baby!!

myself2020 · 23/02/2020 16:10

I would read this as a “i invited you to be polite, but please don’t come, i can’t afford so many people”. so don’t go.

Evilspiritgin · 23/02/2020 16:13

Instead of saying to bride I won’t be able to make because of the baby

ScarlettBlaize · 23/02/2020 16:13

Forgot to say that I don't believe in children being at weddings anyway, especially at the reception. A wedding is a solemn adult occasion, with risque 'speeches'. Also children should be supervised, not left to play 'hide and seek', that is so irresponsible. Often wine, alcohol, cake etc are served at these receptions, and

Someone doesn't understand what the word 'solemn' means

Also, how shit and boring.

Vulpine · 23/02/2020 16:14

I've booked babysitters through agencies and hotels ive stayed at. So i guess in some eyes they're 'random strangers'.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 23/02/2020 16:18

Your new born baby is more important than a wedding for heaven's sake. Does it not occur to those who decide to hold their weddings abroad that there will be guests that won't be able to attend a] because they can't or don't want to farm out their baby/child/children for the duration or b) because the costs will preclude them from going. Maybe your mate lives in her own bubble and is devoid of any imagination or empathy whatsoever. Sad

MadamePewter · 23/02/2020 16:34

I think the unreasonable part is that it sounds like she’ll be pissed off with you for not being able to go?

LagunaBubbles · 23/02/2020 16:49

Of course you are being unreasonable, the wedding isn't about you and your child, she can decide whatever she wants for her own wedding

Actually I disagree with that to an extent. If it's all about the couple then they don't really need guests at all, just a few witnesses the minute you invite guests it's about them to. What other occasion would you have a party and not even think of your guests, how rude would that be!

Aragog · 23/02/2020 16:50

with risque 'speeches'.

Ah you see I'm used to family weddings where there isn't really anything risqué or unsuitable for children taking place. Whilst drinking happens nobody is so wrecked they don't know how to behave appropriately in front of other people.

I've been to dozens of weddings over the years, since being very small. Big family and only young girl for quite a while so I think I was a bit rent-a-bridesmaid 😂 but since then also been to several too. All but two have been family friendly with people off all ages, from babies to great grandparents, as guests. To me a wedding is usually a family occasion.

LagunaBubbles · 23/02/2020 16:50

And yes she can decide what she wants for her own wedding but has right to throw a strop if people can't come because of her stipulations. Which I suspect she will.

ferrier · 23/02/2020 16:51

Headaches.... fortunately my friends supervise their dc appropriately.
I had a medium size wedding. Several children in attendance of various ages. One baby started crying - the parent was on the end of a row so it was easy to take them to the back and if necessary out.
The children were a lovely part of the day and even though me and dp had no children at the time we were really glad they were there at this family occasion.

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 16:51

I've booked babysitters through agencies and hotels ive stayed at. So i guess in some eyes they're 'random strangers

Many people dont feel comfortable doing that. Technically they are strangers.